Dave's World: Football Thursday

OK, we're trying something new this week. Anyone who has tuned into this warped little site for the past six months knows that I love tweaking Peyton Manning, or, more specifically, the fact that the same voices in the national media build him up over and over and over again in an unprecedented manner for a football player who has constantly spit the bit when it matters most.

So needless to say, Monday night's Colts-Patriots game is about as big as regular-season games get in Dave's World. So we are going to have the entire gang pick a winner in the Colts-Pats game, which means a few games are going to get left off the board this week.

Also, joining the roundtable regulars this week -- Chris Forsberg, Dave Scott, and Shawn O'Neal -- is Boston freelancer writer extraordinaire Matt Kalman, who is a pretty good guy for a New Yorker.

Indianapolis at New England

SO'N: I don't watch the NFL. I know that this will shock those of you who trek to Dave's World weekly for the pittance of NFL knowledge I drop into your trembling, grateful hands. As a college football addict, I have an agreement with my wife -- I get to sit around and watch TV on Saturday in exchange for "honey-dos" on Sunday. My total NFL viewing this year was the final five minutes of Seattle's win over Dallas a couple weeks back, which commenced right after I finished pulling 16 bags of leaves off my yard. But even I'm going to watch this game. I mean, it's Peyton vs. The Pats -- the NFL's version of a train wreck in a tunnel. New England has no business winning this game, which is why the postgame presser will be all the more entertaining when it happens.

(Dave's World interjects: By "honey-dos," I think he means donuts).

DS: In case you hadn't heard the news -- and I know how the Theo Epstein stuff tended to drown out a bunch of worthy items -- we're currently riding a two-week undefeated streak. That's right, friends. Eight and oh over the past two weeks of this glorious football season.

It's getting so scary, that I'm picking aggregate goal finals from MLS and nailing them. Go Revs!

Oh, and as for the other football team that uses the pitch at Gillette? They'll be fortunate to keep it within 30. You think you've seen long plays from Denver and Buffalo? It's not unthinkable for the Colts to have scoring plays of 120 or 150 yards when you count add in the celebration yardage that Marvin and The Edge will be experiencing.

MK: I can guarantee at least one thing about this game (and this isn't one of those Patrick Ewing "I'm going to make guarantees until one comes true" guarantees). In Tuesday's Boston Herald, you'll find at least one or two well written, articulate, descriptive, informative, insightful and enjoyable sidebars about this contest, written by a Semitic ex-New Yorker with a broad intellect and a gift for making Lewis Black seem like he doesn't complain enough. That is, unless I get re-assigned to covering some Boston Lobsters off-season GM meeting or something.

Oh, and this just in! A Red Sox source says, "Theo Epstein was a pedophile priest in a former life." Remember, the source is unnamed and isn't a scummy lawyer who always wanted to run the kid out of town and take all the credit for the best three seasons of baseball you Chowdaheads who fill that rickety, warn out, smelly dump of a ballpark have ever witnessed.

Shoot, I'm supposed to pick a football game or something, right? Well every time some schmuck on TV or radio in print picks against the Pats, I turn to whomever's next to me (or just say to myself), "How the hell do you ever pick against the Pats?" 'Nuff said.

DD: I've spent many an afternoon or evening at Gillette working alongside Matt, usually with both of us doing sidebar duty for competing papers. Ah yes, sidebars. Easiest gig in the journalism business. Get there hours early, watch as columnists who used to rip apart Bob Kraft saw no problem with stuffing their faces with piles of Kraft's free buffet spread (and go back for second and thirds and fourths), then sit back and watch the game and take notes.

Then, file the following Pulitzer-worthy gem: "Deion Branch's catch was huge tonight. How huge? 'My catch was huge,' said Branch. Tom Brady agreed. 'Boy, what a big catch Branch had,' the quarterback said." And so on.

Anyway, common sense would seem to indicate the Colts should march all over the field on Monday night. But then, common sense never accounted for Grady Little leaving Pedro in the game or Florida State missing all those gimmee kicks against Miami every year. Indy will find a way to screw this up.

CF: As much as I dread hearing the Peyton Manning hype after the game, I want the Colts to win. "Blasphemy," you say? No, just keeping with
history. Look at the Pats' three Super Bowl runs. There's one
consistent theme: Late-season inspiration from a regular-season defeat.

In 2001 it was a Sunday-night loss to the Rams in Foxboro, a game the
Pats probably would have won if Antowain Smith didn't fumble at the
goal line. Fast forward to the Super Bowl where the Pats are
inexplicably massive underdogs and simply outhit the Rams for title
No. 1.

In 2003, it was the opening-day loss to the Bills and Lawyer Milloy.
Fast forward to Dec. 27 where the Pats reverse the favor with a 31-0
drubbing at the Razor that carries them through the playoffs and to
title No. 2.

And last year it was Pittsburgh, where the Pats lost on Halloween,
then atoned in January. That shoe should fit Peyton and Co. just
fine. Bonus points if the Colts have any sort of ridiculous
celebration after the win. I fully expect them to sip champagne in
the locker room.

Other NFL games

SO'N: Seattle at Arizona -- OK, maybe it's time to start taking Seattle seriously, at least as it pertains to the regular season. It sure looks like this team is going to run through the NFC West like any team of reasonable quality should. The Hawks are 5-2 (should be 6-1) and still have four games remaining with teams within their own, crappy division. That's why this game is among the most dangerous the Seahawks will play this year. Seattle just isn't good enough to roll past anyone and the Cardinals are exactly the kind of team that usually puts the Seahawks in proper perspective. Add in the fact that Seattle has next to nothing in the way of pass catchers and I'm taking the Cardinals.

Oakland at Kansas City -- He's got banged-up ribs and a pulled groin, but Randy Moss has to be loving life. For all those years in Minnesota, he was the bad egg. He was a guy with problems. He was a guy who smoked way too much bud. Think Minnesota would love to have Randy and his weed affinity back, now? Maybe not. The Vikings are sinking, but the Raiders are going nowhere in a hurry. and Kansas City is going there just a wee bit slower. About midway through the NFL season you start to see games that you simply know are going to mean nothing. KC won't catch Denver, but if the Chiefs are going to have any shot at the wild card, they must win this one … and they will.

MK: Giants at 49ers -- I want to thank Dave for the opportunity of a lifetime and also let him know that I had to turn down Letterman, Howard Stern and covering the Silver Lake-Cohasset field hockey game to sit down and write these picks. Now it's on to selecting a victor in the Jim Burt Bowl. You remember Jim Burt of course? The defensive lineman who played for both these clubs in a jersey five sizes too small so that the number looked like a bar code. His eyes were the size of saucers and he was famous for carrying his baby around on the sidelines after big wins –- no better place for a tike than an NFL sideline. BREAKING NEWS -– A Red Sox source tells me that Theo Epstein was seen on his way to this game, when he stopped and clubbed some seals at Fisherman's Wharf!!! I assure you the source does not have a law degree and isn't Italian and doesn't think he's better than everyone else.

In tribute to those poor seals, go with the Niners.

Detroit at Minnesota -- What better game for me to pick than one involving the best partying team in all of sports (including those South American soccer teams that sniff lines when they're not between them). I've read all the reports and still no sign of any midgets on that Vikings Love Boat. Sounds like I should give up this freelance writer gig and become a cruise director in the NFL. In all seriousness, I feel bad for these guys –- they've been persecuted for doing what every other team probably does in its own locker room and they were dumb enough to get caught. Damn, who hasn't drunkenly propositioned a waitress or two or three . . . well you know where I'm coming from. That's why the Vikings will win. And you know you want them to go all the way (pun intended) so Tagliabue can hand Tice the trophy and Tice get some Norwegian-looking honey to lapdance with it.

DS: San Diego at New York Jets -- This is a trick right? Doyle's given me the three easiest NFL games on the board and he expects me to fall flat on my face and ruin, what I affectionately am calling THE Streak.

Well it's not going to work: The Jets are awful, the Chargers are above average and there's no changing my mind on this one.

Chargers, big.

Pittsburgh at Green Bay -- Again, come on Doyle? You trying to mess with my psychological state? You must respect THE Streak just as Team UnderArmour must protect their house.

Brett Favre threw five damn INTs last week. Said Favre after the game, or so we'd like to think, "I just needed to get in the hands of some guys who could actually catch."

And let's give it up, while we're here, for Pittsburgh's QB coach, Mark Whipple and his Whiplash Offense principles that have helped Big Ben become who he is. Further, it gives us reason to mention that Whip brought home the Div. I-AA title for UMass. In the process he proved that Bob Marcum knows football coaching talent when he sees it.

It should be noted that Marcum also knew SID talent when he saw it, and often rewarded Shots with complimentary Rafters food because of it. What I wouldn't give for a dozen or so more free meals from Coach Marcum!
Steelers win.

CF: Atlanta at Miami -- The Miami Dolphins have a fight song. Yes, an NFL team with a fight song. So I couldn't pass up the opportunity to listen and neither should you. Go here.

Download and listen to a song that sounds like it might have been
concocted during the ho-down segment of Whose Line Is It Anyway? I
would give my right leg to see Ricky Williams score a touchdown then
have the Dolphins cue this track for celebration music.

Carolina at Tampa Bay -- Welcome to Tampa Bay, where the Buccaneers are going out of their way to prove that defense doesn't necessarily win championships. The Bucs are first in the league in total defense -- allowing 229.7 yards per game, nearly 24 yards less than second-place Baltimore -- while compiling a 5-2 record. But last week Tampa Bay allowed just 50 yards passing against San Francisco and still found a way to lose to one of the worst teams in football. Now that's impressive. But not as impressive as the Panthers' defense will look in flustering Chris Simms this week. Someone get Luke McCown ready.

DD: Philadelphia at Washington -- Had a pretty spirited discussion with my friend Chile (of Dave's World Chile's Corner fame) over several pitchers of beer at the Sunset Grill last week about the most overrated band of all-time. He argued in favor of Creed. A worthy choice. I, however, voted for the Stone Temple Pilots. I maintain that STP was created out of thin air on a drawing board somewhere on Madison Avenue when Nirvana and Soundgarden and Pearl Jam all got huge, and the suits decided they needed a new grunge act. Basically, the Eagles are the football equivalent of Stone Temple Pilots. They may have had a hit or two and they were the beneficiaries of huge hype, but when push came to shove they were just posers. Redskins win.

Houston at Jacksonville -- Is it just me, or does it seem like the Jaguars have been on the verge of becoming a serious contender for about four years now? And, is it just me, or is Byron Leftwich constantly playing hurt? Either that, or he is attempting to master the Steve McNair trick of waiting until the camera is on you after the play in a key juncture before you suddenly start limping and clutching your ribs. Easiest way to a co-MVP, right there. Tom Brady should take notes. Anyway, the Texans won last week, and clearly are on to the start of something big.

COLLEGES

SO'N California at Oregon -- It's been a tough couple weeks for Oregon. First, the Ducks lost three-year starting QB Kellen Clemens for the season to a broken leg. Then, Nike unveiled the new uniforms they plan to soon unleash on an unsuspecting world. See, that's the downside to being Phil Knight's personal crew of cabana boys. Yeah, everything's bought and paid for -- you included -- but you gotta wear stuff like this Cal, meanwhile, has some of the sharpest unis in the nation. It won't matter. Oregon's Dennis Dixon finally gets his shot to QB and Oregon doesn't lose again this year.

(Dave's World interjects: Great. Like it doesn't take long enough to edit, format, and post this piece. Not content to simply turn every pick into War and Peace, the guys are now adding links. Next week they'll be sending me polls and charts.)

DS: Miami at Virginia Tech -- This Baby Vick has me on the cusp of believing in him. But it's gonna take more than beating BC's brains in. He needs to come up big in this one and all indications are he will.

Tech is on a mission to royally screw up the BCS and we're joining that quest in earnest this week.

We all do the Hokie-Pokie to celebrate.

MK: Notre Dame at Tennessee -- Other than Charlie Weis coaching the Irish and the fact that everyone in Boston hates the Golden Domers, I know nothing about this game. So let me use this space to say something very important:

Need a sportswriter? Well, here I am. I work hard. I produce tight, clean copy on deadline and I'm versatile. I've worked for more than 75 papers across the country, covered the Boston Bruins beat for a month and been the editor of New England Hockey Journal (shameless plug for hockeyjournal.com). If you read this site and think you have a job for me, contact me at mkalman@aol.com.

(Dave's World interjects: I recommend contacting Matt via IM while he's on deadline).

And pick the Volunteers in tribute to Allan Houston, an underachiever in many ways, but the sweetest jump shooter in Knicks history.

CF: Wisconsin over Penn State -- Dave's World hasn't seem to catch on to the fact that I, the typical New Englander, know and care very little about major conference college football. So while we're waiting for Holy Cross to snap its recent skein, I'll hand off to my good buddy Eric Avidon -- a former colleague at the Sentinel & Enterprise and now one of the brightest young stars at the MetroWest Daily News -- with the breakdown on this game (keep in mind he's a Wisconsin alum).

OK, off the record, Penn State wins.

Whoops. Meant to post his 146 on-the-record words hyping Heisman
Trophy candidate Brian Calhoun. But I'd feel a lot better about
picking Penn State if their coach wasn't 146 years old.

DD: USC-Stanford -- Funny thing happened back in September: Stanford lost at home to Division 1-AA Cal-Davis. Mind you, Stanford won on the road at Navy, no small feat. But they were still "the team that lost to Cal-Davis." Then they went on the road and beat Washington State. I was there with Shawn. Shawn reacted to his Cougs' loss as if he was told he can't feed his infant son chew and Schiltz anymore. Then the Cardinal beat Arizona. Three straight road wins, and the Card was still "that lousy team that lost to Cal-Davis." Then Stanford outgunned Arizona State, a team ranked in the top 10 at one point this season. Still, "they lost to Cal-Davis." Then the Cardinal almost knocked off undefeated UCLA. You guessed it, "lost to Cal-Davis."

Even if Stanford knocks off USC this week -- which isn't going to happen -- it will still be "the team that lost at home to Cal-Davis."

Assorted football links

Dave's World

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Football Thursday