Football Thursday
The first person I met in this business was Jeff Sullivan. I had just started as sports editor of the school newspaper at UMass Boston and Sully walked in looking for work. I assigned him a UMB men's soccer game. He submitted a story with two sentences that were so long that I broke them up into five paragraphs.
Since then, he'll be the first to tell you nothing has changed. And that's the thing about Jeff -- he doesn't care what he says, or what you think about what he says. Which makes his Sheriff Sully site one of the most interesting reads on the 'net.
Sully joins the gang -- Shawn O'Neal, Chris Forsberg, and Dave Scott -- for this week's picks.
NFL
SO'N: Chicago at Detroit -— If I'm a Detroit Lions fan -- there, by the grace of God go us all -- and Jeff Garcia isn't starting on Sunday, I'm an angry, toothless woman with unfortunate taste in football teams.
Here's the deal -- when you're playing in a horrible division and
you're leading that horrible division and you have an opportunity to
get an edge on the three other horrible teams in that division, it's
time to seize the day! Minnesota and Green Bay are not getting back
in this race and the Lions -- the Lions! -- have a chance to take this
thing by the throat. It's time to bench the piano-playing sissy boy
and go with the short bald guy.
Miami at New Orleans -- I'm surprised they're letting the Saints back into Louisiana considering that it now appears owner Tom Benson is
going to move the team from a city that endured one of the greatest
natural disasters in recorded history ... and then faced Hurricane
Katrina. The Saints were so bad for so long, I thought FEMA actually
had a field office in the Superdome. Maybe if the folks of New
Orleans are really lucky, the Hornets will decide to leave town, too.
Until then, the story is Miami coach Nick Saban returning to Baton
Rouge, where he led LSU to a national title. Ain't it great to have
these storylines? Otherwise it would just be Miami winning a game
between two awful teams.
Washington at New York Giants -- So, when do our boys at ESPN start pumping up the possibility of an All-Manning Super Bowl? For all I
know, it's already been suggested, but the talk will start getting
more frequent if the Giants win this one. For all the Manning bashing
that goes on around here, the younger Manning has been impressive and
the Giants appear to be legit — 3-point faves against the Skins.
Wouldn't it be great if Eli wins The Big One before his bro? It's
evil to root against a guy as much as many of us do against Peyton,
so here's the deal — I am not rooting against the man. I'm rooting
against his hype machine. Of course, as soon as Eli wins a Super Bowl
in New York, all the Peyton hype will look understated in its
elegance. Me? I'm picking the Giants.
DS: Green Bay at Cincinnati -- If one more Packer winds up on the injured list, GEICO says they'll send the duck in to cheer everyone up.
Wow -- by Game 16 we'll be seeing Mark Chmura and Bart Starr suiting up for depth-chart purposes.
"Boomer's Old Team" (the official way CBS indicates they are about to ask Boomer a mundane question about his Bengals) does the Ickey Shuffle all over Brett and the 4077th.
Minnesota at Carolina -- The only way the Vikings' story gets more twisted and involved is if last week's win over Green Bay somehow becomes a rallying point and the team runs off eight of 10 to finish 10-6.
Not even the scriptwriter who gave us Randy "Weed" Moss, Mike "Tickets" Tice and the Purple People Sailors could continue this melodrama.
Panthers pounce.
Jacksonville at St. Louis -- Now's a good time to brag about last week's 4-0 outing that marked the first (and likely final) time that we were perfect in our picks.
Why, you ask, is it a good time to toot my horn?
Because I have a very hard time picking a team that wouldn't allow its "other" head coach to relay plays in from his couch. We all know that watching from our own living rooms give us clairvoyance that no in-stadium coach would ever see on his own.
If this means the Pats are going to stop using my emailed suggestions for the Statue of Liberty play, then I'm going to have to petition Paul Tagliabue.
LET MARTZ COACH! LET MARTZ COACH!
Rams wins even without EmEm.
DD: New England at Buffalo -- Let's see, the Patriots won three Super Bowls on the strength of a management team that includes Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli. Pioli's contract came up for renewal last year. Now, owner Bob Kraft and his affiliates could have given Pioli a lowball offer and conducted a smear campaign to run him out of town, but instead they did the right thing and paid him what he was worth and re-signed him. There's a lesson to be learned in there somewhere as the Red Sox try to run the general manager that has taken the team to the playoffs three years in a row and won the World Series out of town. Anyway, Pats win.
Cleveland at Houston -- Right before the start of the season, some idiot with a blog brashly predicted Houston would be the surprise team of the NFL this yea. And that person was right -- I mean, who thought the Texans would be winless at this point? Oh, and they'll stay that way after Sunday, too.
Kansas City at San Diego -- I just got home to Boston for a few days. It was about 38 degrees when I got in. Even in Seattle, it is still about 60. This is the sort of weather that makes me wish I was in Southern California, so I may as well pick the Chargers.
JS: Arizona at Dallas -– If there were a statistic for most dumb passes thrown in a career, I mean, is there anyway Drew Bledsoe isn't the career leader? And while last Sunday's was bad at Seattle and the one against Jacksonville in the Jan. 1998 playoff was worse, nothing, not in a million years, will top the hook shot he threw while being tackled in the 2002 AFC Championship Game at Pittsburgh. The linebacker dropped the easy pick, but honestly, it has to be the worst NFL pass ever thrown. That said; Arizona hasn't won on the road since that Sunday when Scott Zolak was shooting imaginary guns at Indy. Cowboys win by two touchdowns.
Philadelphia at Denver -– Just when we thought the return of Ricky Williams locked up the award for NFL player that most resembles Bob Marley, Jake Plummer decided to enter the competition. He looks like a cross between a late 1970s porn star and a serial killer. Oh, and he still hasn't won a meaningful game since leading Arizona past Dallas in a wild card game like 10 years ago. The fact that Troy Aikman played despite suffering 14 concussions and Michael Irvin was comatose in a hospital may have helped the Cardinals that day, too. As for
Philadelphia, we're likely two weeks away from Donovan McNabb either throwing 100 passes in a single game or the Eagles propping him up like that guy from "Weekend at Bernie's" behind center. Let's take the Broncos in a close and ugly affair.
Tampa Bay at San Francisco -– Who the heck did the 49ers beat in Week 1? I'm going to actually look that up, be right back. … They beat St. Louis, 28-25. How did that happened? This team is horrid. Mark Brunell threw for 250 yards and three touchdowns in the first half last Sunday. And yes, that's the same Mark Brunell who died like three years ago. As for Tampa Bay, Chris Simms is starting at quarterback and as unfair as it is, anything less than 275 yards and two scores would be disappointing. Honestly, Doyle could throw for 200 and a score and his last playing days were as a reserve lineman on the BC High freshman team. Let's take the Bucs.
CF: Oakland over Tennessee -- With the exception of Stuart Scott, few journalists ever try to make the leap to professional athlete (and look how that turned out for Mr. Boo Yeah!). so it always amuses me when professional athletes decide they want to be journalists. Allow me to step aside and let former Titans tight end Frank Wycheck break down this week's game.
"There is never an easy week in the NFL, but when you play hard, good things will happen. The more work you put in, the little things will carry over and turn into big things."
Wow. Frank evidently visited the John Madden School of Declarative Statements before taking on this role. What else you got, Franky?
"If there is an advantage, it goes to the Titans because they're the home team."
That's deep, man... Raiders win by three touchdowns.
Pittsburgh over Baltimore -- Lest you believe that Frank Wycheck's analysis is the funniest read on a NFL Web site. There's simply no comparison for Brian Billick's Weekly Diary on baltimoreravens.com.
Seriously, can you imagine the other BB — Bill Belichick — sitting down to pen 1,300 words each week for the Patriots.com. And the Ravens wonder why they're 2-4.
Here's a sampling that got left on the cutting room floor.
"Dear Diary, what's up? Nothing much here. Ray and Ed are injured so we're like totaaaaaaly screwed this week against the Steelers. I so wish I could dump Anthony Wright, but there's no way I'm going steady with Kordell Stewart. I miss Kyle sooooooo much. And what's up with Jamal? I think he's, like, totally distracted after being in jail. Anyhow, I gotta run and study film. Hugs and Kisses, BB."
COLLEGES
SO'N: Washington State at USC -- At least for all matters of college football, can we stop talking about an East or West Coast Bias? It's
clear there is a BCS Bias ... and it always favors the Big 12. Since
that peg-legged whore of a formula was dreamed up, those dust-bowl
doorknobs have laughed themselves hoarse. First, Oregon gets screwed
out of a 2002 national-title shot in favor of a Nebraska team that
couldn't win the Big 12 North. You cannot play for your conference
title, but you can play for the national title? Makes perfect sense.
Then in 2003 Oklahoma loses its conference title game and still plays
for the national title ahead of Pac-10 champ USC. Last year, Cal was
set to do the Rose Bowl thing but Texas somehow got the late nod in
the poll and, to top it all off, Oklahoma again got mowed down in the
national title game while an undefeated SEC team got frozen out. Oh,
by the way BCS folks, we'd all be saying "one-loss Texas" had Jim
Tressel not soiled himself on national TV back in September. SC is
the real No.1 and will prove it come January ... probably against a
one-loss Big 12 team.
JS: Texas at Oklahoma State –- This one should be ugly. Maybe 70-14 ugly. The Longhorns have Oklahoma State, Baylor and Kansas remaining before an intriguing Nov. 25 tilt at Texas A&M. It's just hard imagining any of those games, even A&M, offering any resistance. As for the Big 12 title game, it's either Colorado or Missouri. So yes, the Longhorns will be playing for the National Championship. Their opponent is obviously likely USC, but we're telling you, don't look pass that Dec. 3 game with currently undefeated UCLA.
DS: Georgia-Florida -- Here comes the season's highlight for Rookie Gator Pope, Urban Meyer: A wounded Georgia team, without its quarterback, stumbles in undefeated and leaves bloodied, with a loss.
Meyer is, as ESPN informed me, 5-1 after scheduled bye weeks. And friends, there are few things worse than that dreaded, un-scheduled bye week. Like one that comes in April or June. Those are brutal.
Chris Leak isn't winning the Heisman but he sure could win a lot of Gator fans this weekend. And he will.
CF: Virginia Tech over BC -- I never like to travel under my real name, but I ran into a bit of trouble trying to secure a hotel near Blacksburg for tonight's game.
Me: "Hi, I'd like to reserve a room for Thursday, October 27. The name is, ahhh, umm, Don Mexico."
Receptionist: "Oh, hi Mr. Mexico. Do you wish to have the normal suite with adjoining room to your brother Ron's room?"
Me: "Ummm."
Receptionist: (whispering) "Don't worry. We've secured the finest weed and underage girls in the area for the post-game party. And we made sure none of the girls know about Ron's herpes problem."
Elsewhere, no truth to the rumor that BC brought in Doug Flutie to simulate the speed of Marcus Vick.
DD: Miami (Ohio) at Temple -- Actual email I got out of the blue from a reader on Saturday. I swear this is real. Apologies in advance for the bad language:
You are such a co**su**ing fa**ot. Nobody likes your blog other than your crack whore of a mother and your boyfriend. EAT S**T AND DIE MOTHER F**ER. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO SKILL AT THIS ENDEVOR.....STOP TRYING SO HARD YOU FILTHY PIG F***ER
My email in reply: Dad, how many times do I have to tell you Ma quit smoking crack last month?
Anyway, Temple's been getting beaten pillar to post this year whenever the Owls have been taking on top-flight competition. Sounds like they're ready to join the MAC. Oh, and this will be their first MAC win.
Assorted football links
posted by Dave Doyle @ 7:57 AM
<< Home