Football Thursday

The Dave's World Football Thursday guest panelists just keep getting better and better. This week, I'm pleased to welcome Bart Wright aboard. Bart is currently the sports editor at the Greenville News in South Carolina. His previous stops, among others, include Sportsline.com; the Tacoma News Tribune; the Miami Herald; and the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

The panel, as always: Shawn O'Neal, Dave Scott, Chris Forsberg, and yours truly.

Flagrant plug for one of the Dave's World Wiseguys: Tune in Friday to Scott's Shots, on the Boston Sports Media Watch site, where Dave Scott will have a rare, in-depth, no-holds-barred interview with Bill Simmons. No matter what you think of Simmons -- and there's quite a diversity of opinion out there -- he was the innovator for using the Internet to make your name in the sportswriting world.

On to the picks ™:

NFL

SON: St. Louis at New York Giants -- Mike Martz always has been considered one of the league's more paranoid coaches. Apparently, for good reason. Without naming names, a St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist opined that Martz shouldn't have to deal with "backstabbers" within his own organization. Just to clear things up, St. Louis director of football administration Samir Suleiman called the columnist to say that "I'm not a backstabber, I'm a (expletive) throat slasher and he'll know the difference before It's all said and done." Now, football's version of The Sopranos gets to visit North Jersey in a battle of the worst 2-1 teams in the NFL. The real travesty here is that one of these dogs --- probably the Giants -- will be 3-1.

Buffalo at New Orleans -- After making the Saints play a home game in New York -- suppose they would have done the same thing in Phoenix? -- the Saints have received a couple of inadvertent scheduling breaks. They blew it last week, making the Minnesota Vikings look like an actual NFL team, but they get another chance this week against another team having its problems. The Bills have a QB named JP and an offense that's SOL. They also have a rushing defense that seems to be waiting around for Takeo Spikes to make every tackle. The Saints like to think of themselves as a power running team, so here's their chance to prove it.

Denver at Jacksonville -— What's with Jacksonville DL John Henderson? The man whose pre-game ritual includes having the Jags equipment manager slap the piss out of him now is charged with doing the same to his girlfriend when she refused to have sex with him. Only first he kicked down her door. Was this supposed to get her in the mood? No matter, these things never cost anybody actual playing time and as long as Byron Leftwich keeps dragging himself out onto the field, the Jags' offense should produce enough to let the defense win games.

Bart: Green Bay at Carolina -- This is going to be the saddest story of the season, watching the Packers decline deeper into irrelevance around Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre. OK, it's only football, we all get that, but what the front office has allowed to happen in Green Bay will take a few years to remedy. An old guy like Favre needs more support than ever to maintain production and he has less than ever. The Panthers usually recover from the stinkbombs like the one they let go in South Florida last week. Jake Delhomme will play well again, home team wins.

San Francisco at Arizona -- I wasn't on the Dennis Green Coach of the Year bandwagon at the start of the season, only because this franchise is so historically horrible I couldn't see it turning around in one season with Kurt Warner as its quarterback. Still, they have to better than they've played in their first three games. For as poorly as they've played, they are surely a better team right now than are the 49ers who were stripped of talent two years ago for Dennis Erickson. Yeah, I'd believe anything in this one in terms of an outcome -- you can never expect much from teams this bad -- but the most likely result is that the Cardinals find a way to win.

Detroit at Tampa Bay -- I have in my possession a ticket from a Las Vegas sports book that will pay me 25-to-1 should the Lions reach the Super Bowl, so for reasons connected to personal finance, I very much want to see Detroit win every game the rest of the season. If only want were connected to belief. The Bucs are edging their way back into the picture with a running game that is revitalized, a quarterback (Brian Griese) and a receiver (Joey Galloway) a lot of people dismissed as irrelevant for perceived failings in the past. Here's the thing -- what people think others should be is almost never an accurate reflection of what people really are. Griese and Galloway will make plays in this offense, pinwheeling off a rookie running back's contributions. Bucs win, probably by much.

Dave S.: New York Jets at Baltimore -- You’re kidding, right? Ray Lewis vs. a back-up quarterback? At home? Or maybe Lewis vs. Vinny T after Brooks Bollinger goes down to continue the New York Hexed Jets miserable march of the injured penguins? The J. E. T. S. Jets-Jets-Jets!!! could have gone after Rohan Davey (who the Cards signed on Tuesday) but instead thought Vinny in Jersey made more sense. That doesn’t say much for Rohan, does it? Listen, we don’t give many money predictions –- and there’s certainly no money back guarantee with this one. But if you really have the need to throw your Benjamins around, do it on this game and take the Ravens with all your might.

Dallas at Oakland -- You know you’re rooting for Drew so go ahead and admit it. Repeat after me: I always liked Drew and I still do. See? Don’t you feel better? It’s okay to love the dearly departed. It’s an odd phenomenon for us Bostonians, I realize. But it’s perfectly natural to wish old friends well. Which reminds me -– how did Pittsburgh get so angry at Josh Miller that they needed to boo the kicker in pre-game intros? Booing the punter just seems so very wrong. Raiders realize that Randy Moss is on their team now and throw to him a league record 98 times – in the first half. Moss catches most for a 232-8 win.

CF: Indianapolis at Tennessee -- You can almost hear the Colts' players trying to bite their tongues when talking about how dangerous a healthy Steve McNair is. Sure, a healthy McNair might have meant problems as recently as two seasons ago. Now? Not so much. I keep waiting for him to break a hip trying to scramble out of the pocket. Anyhow, root for McNair if you don't want to be force-fed useless stats like Indy would be only the second team in the post-World War II era to limit its first four opponents to single digits. Dave's World should be interjecting a fun fact about the Patriots domination of the Colts right ... about ... now.

(And here's this week's Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact!!! Your NFL MVP had been held without a touchdown pass in five of six halves so far this season.)

Minnesota at Atlanta -- There's a high school in Fitchburg, Mass. called Montachusett Regional Vocational Technical School (or Monty Tech for short). Nicknamed the Bulldogs, the school's colors are (for no apparent reason) purple and yellow. Opposing teams can't help but chuckle when they see the Bulldogs take the field in their less-than-manly purple unis. The point here? Evidently you don't have to be in high school for teams not to take you seriously when you wear purple and yellow. The Vikings are a train-wreck waiting to happen under Mike Tice. No wonder Randy Moss and Onterrio Smith smoked so much weed.

Philadelphia at Kansas City -- Have you seen the episode of "Bands Reunited" where Aamer Haleem tries to reunite Extreme? There's a scene where one of the band members tells VH1 to tread lightly with guitarist Nuno Bettencourt. Instead, they ambush him at a sidewalk cafe and, of course, he flips out and refuses to get back together. This reminds me of the Philadelphia Eagles. Everything is fine now. T.O. might be off in his own little world, but why rock the boat? Well, someone's going to mess it up and this Super Bowl reunion isn't going to happen. (In a related note, have you heard Franky J's cover of "More Than Words." There's bad, there's awful, then there's this cover. I mean, we all know Nuno didn't exactly love the song, but to destroy its legacy like this should be punishable by law).

DD: Houston at Cincinnati -- Back in the day, Shawn and I were semi-regulars at Tacoma Sabercats hockey games. One night, the defending league champion 'cats were playing, … umm, I dunno, maybe Fresno. We were getting refreshments between periods. Laid out on the Tacoma Dome condiment table was ketchup, mustard, relish, onions -- and the Taylor Cup, the prestigious championship prize the league founder humbly named after himself. "Why would you put that there?" Shawn asked. "Obviously," I mused, "when you put too much stuff on your hot dog, you're supposed to scrape your extra ketchup and mustard into the Taylor Cup. It is a league tradition." Shawn spit his Mountain Dew all over the table. What bearing does this have on the Bengals-Texans game? None, I just like telling that story. Cincy wins, easily.

(Dave's World adds: As I was putting this together, one of the ignorant screamers on ESPN proclaimed "these are not your father's Cincinnati Bengals." Actually, if you're a kid today, your father probably remembers when the Bengals played the Niners in the Super Bowl twice and were usually playoff contenders. So these really sort of are your father's Bengals. Now, they're not your older brother's Bengals, maybe.)

Seattle at Washington -- So I was at the local sub shop a couple days back. While I was waiting for my order, I leafed through the newspaper and noted that Chuck Knox was being inducted into the Seahawks Ring of Honor. "What must one do to get a spot in the SROH?" I self-queried. Then, I got my frequent sub consumer card stamped, and I got my answer. Right on the card, it said "Buy eight sandwiches, and get a free medium sandwich OR get inducted into the Seahawks Ring of Honor." Chuck must really like his steak 'n' cheez.

San Diego at New England -- Man, not only are the Patriots playing a stretch of four out of five on the road, but the only game at Gillette Stadium in that period goes head-to-head with the Sox and Yanks at Fenway in the season finale. As for the game, well, it really doesn't matter because it is all a "system" and anyone can do it, right? Really, anybody can step behind center and engineer a million fourth-quarter combebacks and win a bunch of Super Bowls. Doesn't matter who it is -- you could plug in Tom Brady, Marc Wilson, Tommy Hodson, Jeff Carlson, or Tom Ramsey, and they'd still win, because it is all a "system." Oh, and I suppose Larry Bird won those NBA titles because of the Celtics "system," too. Wayne Gretzky and those Cups? The Oilers "system." Patriots win. Obviously.

NFL standings after week 3: Chris F., SO'N 7-2; Dave S. 3-5; Dave D. 2-6.

COLLEGES

SO'N: USC at Arizona State -- Top 10 excuses given by those who did not vote USC No. 1 in major polls:

10. Bowl eligibility jeopardized by winning NFC West.
9. I won't mess with Texas.
8. Dozed off, missed second half of Oregon game (Mr. Bellotti's excuse only)
7. Magic Maker dried up; started sniffin' airplane glue.
6. Woke up, strippers were gone but they ordered one of everything from room service, voted Virginia Tech No. 1.
5. Song Girls are eventually going to be a major distraction.
4. What happens in Bob Stoops' office, stays in Bob Stoops' office.
3. Trojans not the same without Norm Chow.
2. My daughter not one of three USC coeds Matt Leinart has yet to bed.
1. If lovin' Mack Brown is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Bart: Virginia Tech at West Virginia -- No hillbilly jokes here. What's the point of hacking off both teams? In other parts of the country, VaTech might seems a fluke, living off blocked punts and fumbles -- goofy stuff that always seems like a fortunate break when it happens. Fact is, the Hokies are as solid as any college team in the country, from the inside out. That means they can be counted on, more often than not, to do all the little things that winners do. Yeah, it'll likely be close, but Virginia Tech will win, it's a habit those guys have. The real mystery of the week remains unsolved. In the Harris Poll, who exactly were the bright minds that voted 5 points in the poll for Idaho? That would Shawn O'Neal's Idahos, of the 0-4 record, coming off a 24-0 loss at home, receiving more votes than about three-fourths of the teams in the country. If you're the guy who voted for Idaho, knock it off, right now. Do it again and we'll find out who you are, come to your house and demand a public apology. We aren't leaving without one, either.

DS: Florida at Alabama -- Okay, who’s got a redneck joke I can use here? Anyone? Doyle? S’Onnie? Damn. I’m plumb out myself. Let’s go with this old fave: Q: How do you calculate the number of teeth present for this donnybrook in ‘Bama? A: Take the total attendance and multiply by zero. But seriously folks, Urban Meyer seems to have his system forming into shape and even though Kentucky is Kentucky, it’s important for the Gators to be putting up audacious numbers to signify the return of the swagger. Gators roll. Over ‘Tide. Roll Gators. Roll.

DD: Minnesota at Penn State -- Here's a leak from Happy Valley on why Penn State has experienced a sudden resurgence this year. I cannot divulge my source. It seems they've finally gotten over the denial: Everyone on campus finally admits that JoePa actually died about four or five years ago. Sure, they still prop up his corpse, Weekend at Bernie's style, and pretend he's still watching over them, but by finally admitting their beloved leader has long since passed on, they have put the loss behind them and can focus their energy back on the field. Alas for the Lions, Laurence Maroney is alive and well, and about to run roughshod.

Colleges after Week 4: Dave D. 4-0; Dave S., SO'N 3-1; CF 2-2.

Fearless football links

• Dave's World Football Thursday Week Four



• Randolph's Random Picks,
prognosticating since 1995.


• Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, for which Dave's World remains mired at the bottom of the "NFL Guru" division



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