Football Thursday

It is my pleasure to welcome my friend and former Boston Globe colleague, Andy Nesbitt, as this week's Dave's World Football Thursday guest panelist. Andy works for The Man at Foxsports.com, but is maintaining his underground street cred by appearing on this hip little blog. Andy was the starting goaltender on the 1994 Massachusetts state champion Duxbury High soccer team, which ended the season undefeated and ranked No. 5 in the country, of which he reminds people only once or twice per conversation.

If you're new to the site, here are the rest of the Dave's World Wiseguys:

Shawn O'Neal -- Senior editor for the Lindy's college sports preview magazines.
Dave Scott -- Hull, MA-based freelance author and sports media critic.
Chris Forsberg -- Staff sports writer for the Fitchburg (MA) Sentinel.
Dave Doyle -- West Seattle-based freelance sports writer/editor and operator of this this goofy little web site.

On to this week's picks:

NFL

SO'N: Dallas-San Francisco -- I sometimes wish Joe Namath and the Jets would have lost Super Bowl III. Had Joe's guarantee not come true, every half-assed clown in professional sports might not feel compelled to make similar guarantees. This week we have Julian Peterson pre-certifying a 49ers' win over the Cowboys. Oh boy. That's great copy. Give me more, big daddy. Boo-yaa. At any rate, in a truly remarkable move, the 49ers have decided to sign the Burger King after seeing his oft-replayed interception of Drew Bledsoe. Folks, with scouting like that it's only a matter of time before this organization turns the corner, but it ain't this week, even against Dallas' collapsible defense.

New Orleans-Minnesota -- To properly summarize the state of the Minnesota Vikings, Randy Quaid's brilliant "Cousin Eddie" character from the "National Lampoon's Vacation" movies captures the moment -- "I ain't seen a beatin' like that since someone shoved a banana down my pants and turned a monkey loose." The problem for Vikings fans is that while it has long appeared that Cousin Eddie runs their organization he has perhaps now inserted himself as head coach. The Vikings have to be better than what they've shown the past couple weeks, right? Vegas seems to think so, giving the Saints 3 1/2 points. As bad as Minnesota is, Jim Haslett's team is on a short week and the road warrior thing has to be getting old. I'll take Cousin Eddie, but you can't have the points.

Tampa Bay-Green Bay -- As a college football snob, I love to blather on about how NFL types consistently out-think themselves. Thus, a guy with better measurables gets drafted ahead of a good football player. That's the only reason to explain why Carnell Williams was still around for the fifth pick of last year's draft for the Buccaneers to nab while Ronnie Brown -- the Shaggy to Williams' Scooby at Auburn -- had already been selected by Miami. It's way too early to call Brown a flop, but Williams was one of the nation's finest running backs throughout his college days for a reason. Gimme the Cadillac and Tampa.

Andy: Atlanta-Buffalo -- After Week 1, the Bills were the sexy pick of the AFC. Then Week 2 came and, well, those beer goggles fell off, leaving a decent team looking like the equivalent of 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning after their 21st birthday, as they racked up about nine yards of total offense in a loss to the Super Bowl-bound Tampa Bay Bucs. The Falcons are worried about Michael Vick, who even with his tender hamstring could run circles around Dave Doyle. At least Vick runs forward, unlike J.P. Losman who likes to run out of the back of his own end zone while still holding onto the ball. Nice move, J.P. Still, the Bills win this one 27 (all on field goals)-13.

Jacksonville-NY Jets -- Herm Edwards is my favorite coach in the NFL. His press conferences are pure comedy. Still, the Jets are a terrible team this year. Bret Saberhagen has a stronger throwing shoulder than Chad Pennington, which is not a good thing, seeing how even a sneeze could leave Ol' Saberhagen without a limb. Making things worse for the Jets, Curtis Martin is slightly injured. Jacksonville has one of the best defenses in the league, even if Donovin Darius is out for the season. The Jaguars win this one going away, 37-14.

Cincinnati-Chicago -- Is Kyle Orton really the best to come out of April's draft? Kyle freaking Orton? Maybe. Maybe not. How's that for choosing a
stance? I didn't think the bears would score more than 30 points all year, then they put up 38 against the Lions. But there's no way they replicate that effort this weekend against the Super Bowl-bound Bengals (yeah, I said it.) The league's best quarterback, Carson Palmer, will pick apart Chicago's weak secondary and Chad Johnson will benefit with another monster game. The Bengals are the real deal this year, and will beat AFC East winning Bills in the AFC championship game. Just you watch.

Oh, and since this will be on a blog written by a sports writer/editor, I heard you're supposed to give Scott's Shots props whenever you get a chance. So, Scott's Shots, you rule! ... even if you do live in Hull.

Dave S.: New England-Pittsburgh -- The Patriots are 7-9 after a regular-season bye week since 1990. That includes three wins in the last four post-bye games under B-squared. Point is, they did have the bye last week, right? If I didn't see it, it didn't happen. Pats, 41-27. Again.

New York Giants-San Diego -- The Eli Bowl. Sounds like the thing the Yale mascot drinks out of on the sideline during Harvard/Yale games. Drew Brees might be forced to drink out of a similar dirty dish should his abysmal start continue. That realization, however, will not be enough to keep the Giants' swarming defense at bay. Giants win big. Speaking of the bay -- fish tacos in San Diego are the best fish tacos in all the land. Feel free to send some my way if ever you find yourself in a situation that would allow that.

Kansas City-Denver -- So this is that year when KC, Oakland and Denver play each other four times each? I thought it wasn't until next year. But sure enough, we're three weeks into the season and it already feels like they've each faced off against one another, twice already. Technically, it's pure genius because the games always deliver. But it would seem to affect the competitive balance of the league. But I trust Tags and The Gang. Monday nighter, too . . . genius.

And the pick? Chiefs. Priest Holmes gave a great post-gamer to my gal, Suzy Kolber on Sunday night. That gave me the right to mention Suzy, which obligates me to repay Priest and thrust my considerable weight behind the good reverend and his Chiefs. And yes, Suzy knows how I feel about her. She thinks it's cute.

Forzy: Seattle-Arizona -- Is losing a game on a penalty-induced 10-second runoff football's equivalent of a beanball forcing in the winning run in baseball? Simply the most anti-climactic ending to a game possible. Even the winning team doesn't feel like celebrating. But don't fret Cardinals fans, your coach shrugged off an 0-2 start -- one in which your quarterback couldn't get fired up against either of his former employers -- by suggesting, "We would never say, 'Because we're 0-2 we're off to a disastrous start.'" No coach, that's just par for the course in Arizona. On the bright side, at least your Web site touts former UMass running back Marcel Shipp as a "bona-fide asset to our club."

Carolina-Miami -- Quick fact #1: Only one team in the NFL has never beaten the Miami Dolphins, and it's the Carolina Panthers. Quick fact #2: After this weekend, every team in the NFL will have beaten the Miami Dolphins. My favorite highlight from Miami's loss to the Jets last week was second-year punter Donnie Jones patting kicker Olindo Mare on the back after a botched 21-yard field goal attempt in which Mare stutter-stepped, shanked a kick wide left and fell flat on his face after Jones struggled with a high snap. The young punter gave Mare one of those pats like, "Don't worry about it Tiger, we'll get 'em next time." Meanwhile, Mare had that enraged look in his eye like he might physically attack the long snapper.

Oakland-Philadelphia -- Ahhh, nothing like a visit from the lowly Raiders to calm those rocky waters in Philly. The banged-up quarterback throws five touchdown passes. The spotlight-hogging wide receiver celebrates scores like he just reeled in a fresh shipment of Ritalin. Heck, even the linebackers are kicking PATs for these happy-go-lucky Eagles. That's sure to change Sunday with a visit from the Raiders. His medication wearing off, T.O. snaps when Randy Moss catches a deep ball and unveils an over-the-top end zone celebration that the Philly fans can't help but cheer. Upset by the lack of balls thrown his way, Owens secretly replaces Andy Reid's play-calling sheet with a gigantic, Sharpie-scrawled 81 and a middle finger on a piece of laminated paper.

DD: Cleveland-Indianapolis -- I once had a co-worker nicknamed LoIQ (though, aptly, he's not aware of this). One day, someone from a nearby company dropped by and mentioned they were having an office potluck and there was way too much food for them too consume, so they invited us all over for lunch. When we got there, LoIQ proceeded to pile enough food on his plate to end hunger in Africa. We were collectively embarrassed for him . . . and then, as he was headed for the door, he spotted a big bag of Cheetos, did a u-turn, and proceeded to sprinkle the cheez snax all over the rest of his food. My point here? The Colts' early-season schedule is like LoIQ at the potluck. And playing at home, on turf, with a nice comfortable room temperature under the dome for Peyton Manning, is like the Cheetos on top.

And here's this week's Dave's World Peyton Manning fun fact: The Colts have a bye week heading up to their Monday night showdown with the Patriots on Nov. 11. That gives them 15 days to prepare.

St. Louis-Tennessee -- Back in 2001, the sports cable channel in St. Louis ran an ad that picked on Boston out of the blue for no particular good reason. It made fun of the Pats and the Red Sox, and the tag line was something about how things were swell in St. Louis, and thank god you don't have to follow sports teams like those in Boston. Since then, the Patriots have beaten the Rams in the Super Bowl and the Sox clobbered the Cardinals in the World Series. Think they still run that ad? Anyway, Norm Chow's new offense showed signs of finally getting it in gear last week, and the Rams were one Kurt Warner braincramp from 0-2, so I don't see why the Titans shouldn't take this one.

NFL standings after Week 2: Chris F. 5-1, SO'N 4-2, Dave S. 2-4, Dave D. 1-5.

COLLEGES

DD: USC-Oregon -- Perhaps you noted my NFL picks record up above: 1-5. Well, I have to point out in my defense that not only am I 3-0 in my college picks, but I have picked three unranked underdogs beating ranked favorites straight up, including Iowa State over Iowa. Now, if I picked underdog Oregon over USC and got it right, I could probably just move to Vegas and start a 900 betting number for college football. But, given my NFL picks records, I think I'll just flagrantly take advantage of my position as owner of this joint and pad my numbers with a gimme. USC rolls.

CF: LSU-Tennessee -- Like the Saints in Week 1 of the NFL, it's hard not to root for LSU as the Tigers return to Baton Rouge for this week's game. The key to victory? Les Miles (or should we say, less miles). LSU's coach will be making his home debut with his team making its SEC debut, but Tennessee plans to fly in that morning and then patiently wait until the 7:45 p.m. start. Not a good combination for the Vols. There's a reason teams don't travel on game day and it'll show in Tennessee's sleepy play.

DS: Notre Dame-Washington -- Here's what a legit Boston-area, D-I prospect's dad recently heard from Charlie Weis at one of the summer's burgeoning all-star combines. The dad told us that he just wanted to introduce himself and let Weis know who his son was.

Weis didn't mince words: "Yeah, yeah. I know who your kid is. O'Leary (except he used the kid's real Irish-sounding name.) -- big kid. Of course he wants to come to Notre Dame."

Weis grunted, turned and walked away.

And the Dad (not to mention the kid) still loved him.

That never could have happened with Ty Willingham. Doesn't make Ty a bad dude. Just not the fit that ND demands.

Somehow, that lame-ass recruiting story leads me to believe the Irish will prevail out west in DoyleLand.

Andy: Clemson-Boston College -- The relationship the city of Boston has with college football is much like that of a single father and his kids: Every now and then he's reminded of his love for his little tikes, but in the end he's much happier that he doesn't have to see them every week. Not that I would know exactly how that feels. Anyway, anything that's bad for BC's spoiled bunch of "Super Fans" who are known for their "look-at-how-cool-we-are" awful shirts is good for me. Look for Clemson to rout the Eagles (31-10), and the Super Fans to pound daddy's credit card at Scary Anne's Saturday night.

SO'N: Virginia Tech-Georgia Tech -- Despite my overall disdain for ESPN's self-celebratory whore routine, I gotta admit that ESPNU is the greatest thing to happen to college sports since Nick Saban went to the NFL. But all good things have their limits. I was flipping through the channels last month and came across something titled "VT practice." I figured it was some sort of preview show. Nope, it was actually Virginia Tech football practice. Not a practice game. Just practice. Allen Iverson was over -- our kids are in the same playgroup -- and he was brought to tears. And there was even an announcing team calling the "action." Question for broadcast guys -- if you are assigned to cover practice, are you probably not in the network's long-range plans? Regardless, any team with their practice sessions broadcast nationally must be pretty good. Gotta go with VT.

(Dave's World would like to congratulate Shawn for becoming the first person in America to find a system that carries ESPNU).

College standings after Week 3: Dave D. 3-0; Dave S., SO'N, Chris F. 2-1.

Pertinent football links

• Nesbitt's Foxsports picks from last week.



• Dave's World Football Thursday Week Three



• Randolph's Random Picks,
prognosticating since 1995.


• Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, for which Dave's World remains mired at the bottom of the "NFL Guru" division



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