Football Thursday
In the newspaper business, the agate guy is like an offensive lineman. (For non-newspaper types, the agate guy is the person in charge of the scoreboard page in sports section). A good agateman (or woman) works in the trenches, does a valuable service, while the writers get the glory. Just like an o-lineman and his halfback.
Thousands of New Yorkers read Denis Regan's work on the subway just about every morning, but don't even know his name. Denis does the scoreboard page for the New York Post, and like anonymous agate standouts across the country, does outstanding work. We're pleased to have him join the Dave's World Wiseguys -- Shawn O'Neal, Chris Forsberg, Dave Scott and yours truly -- for this week's picks:
NFL
SO'N: Washington at Denver -- In the grill of LaVar Arrington's Hummer is an insignia that reads, "Quarterback Killa." These days he's more like a "Salaree Kap Killa" or a "Sideline Seat Filla." He doesn't fit, he doesn't play and as long as the Redskins keep winning, he doesn't get much sympathy. That ends this week. Washington just isn't that good, despite its three-game sweep thus far -- 9-7 (Bears), 14-13 (Boys), 20-17 (Seahawks). The Skins should have lost last week, but ran into a Seattle team that couldn't close the door on a coffin. They won't be so fortunate this time as the Broncos get tuned up for their showdown with New England and a possible 5-1 a start.
(Dave's World interjects: Once at SportsLine, we had a correspondent who referred to LaSalle basketball starter Donnie Carr's play as "subpar" about eight times in one file. So Shawn and I instantly christened his new official name as Subpar Donnie Carr, which he remained for the rest of the season. Not in the files, mind you, just to ourselves. Wonder what happened to Subpar Donnie Carr).
Seattle at St. Louis -- How did this game not end up tagged "Dave's World Doesn't Care?" Any game -- I repeat, ANY GAME -- that includes two teams from the NFC West should automatically get the tag and on weekends when all four of these horrible teams play each other, they should both get the tag and I should get a lighter workload. As it is, this is the easiest pick of the week. Here's the formula -- when Seattle plays on the road, pick the other guys. When Seattle plays St. Louis anywhere, pick the Rams. Hell, the Rams played 18 games last year, went 9-9 and beat the Seahawks three times. Rams' coach Mike Martz is having heart problems, but at least he has one. My one request -- let's just skip the symbolism and have Martz actually take Seattle coach Mike Holmgren over his knee at midfield. Unlike NFC West football, that would be worth watching.
Carolina at Arizona -- It hardly seems fair. Mexico sends us Salma Hayek and we reciprocate with the Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers? That had to get some laughs in the NFL offices. A transcript:
NFL Schedule Guy 1 -- "So, we want to play a game in Mexico? Who should we send?"
Long pause.
NFL Schedule Guy 2 -- "Well, we can't send the Raiders. Randy Moss will never get by the dogs."
Longer pause.
NFL Schedule Guy 1 -- "How about the Cards and Niners?"
Wild laughter.
NFL Schedule Guy 2 -- "Yeah, there's your free trade, for ya."
OK, but seriously, I appreciate Dave lobbing me these softballs. Josh McCown is going to make the Cardinals better, but they're still the Cardinals and until they quit losing their first three games of every season, nothing is ever going to change.
DG: Tampa Bay at New York Jets --- This season is the reason why Jets fans have therapists and suicide hotlines on speed dial. Before the season, the Jets added kicker Mike Nugent (rookie from Ohio State University), Ty Law (free agent signing from the World Champion Patriots) and traded for L. Coles. They fired offensive coordinator Paul Hackett and brought in Mike Heimerdinger, the brains behind the wide-open Titans attack. It was supposed to be Super Bowl or bust.
One thing, however, got in the way: Chad Pennington's fragile arm.
The Privileged Quarterback injured his rotator cuff last season in a loss to the Bills, missing a month of action. When he came back, Pennington was clearly not the same quarterback. Where once he could complete an eight-yard out, now he couldn't complete a swing pass to Curtis Martin.
The Jets backed into the playoffs when Buffalo rolled over for the Steelers' third-string in Week 17. Herm Edwards' crew beat Marty Schottenheimer's Brain Cramps in the Wild Card round, simply because of Marty Schottenheimer's brain cramps. They crapped out in the second round, thanks to Herm Edwards' clock management, Paul Hackett becoming more conservative than Bill O'Reilly and Doug Brien's inability to make a 40-yard field goal.
The underlying, underreported story was Pennington's lack-of-arm strength. A month after the Jets were eliminated, it was reported that Pennington had to have rotator cuff surgery. He had the surgery, missing most of training camp rehabbing his injured arm.
Pennington and Edwards proclaimed the quarterback ready to go in Week One, and he went ... straight down the toilet. He fumbled the ball six times and threw an interception against the always tough-as-a-newborn Chiefs defense. In Week Two, Pennington was marginally better against the AFL2 franchise known as the Dolphins, throwing for two touchdowns.
Week Three was the wakeup call: In the span of five minutes, the Jets lost Pennington and backup QB (along with Lon-guy-land native) Jay Fiedler to shoulder injuries; Pennington reinjured his rotator cuff and Fiedler was lost for the season with a dislocated shoulder.
Before the Ravens game last week, the Jets' front office called around the NFL, looking for a quarterback. They ended up with 12,000 year old Vinny Testaverde (representing all awful quarterbacks from Lon-guy-land ) and Kliff Klingsbury (who was good handing LaDanian Tomlinson the football at Texas Tech).
One of the teams the Jets contacted was Tampa Bay, asking for Brian Griese. The Bucs refused. On Sunday, the Jets are going to long for the days of Ken O'Brien. Bucs win.
(Dave's World interjects: The consultation appointment is free, pal, but any future Dave's World therapy visits will require a bill to your insurer).
Baltimore Ravens at Detroit Lions -- Joey Harrington versus a guy who allegedly had a hand in a double murder. I'll leave the pick to Dave's readers.
(Dave's World interjects: That's just terrible, DG. I'm flagging you for tauntin').
Indianapolis Colts at San Francisco 49ers -- The most overrated quarterback who hasn't won anything will throw for 350 yards and touchdowns, and the national pundits will praise him to the heavens. Talk to me in January, after he loses another playoff game in Foxboro. Colts win.
(The Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact segment is on hiatus until the Patriots figure out their defensive backfield situation).
DS: Cincinnati vs. Jacksonville -- I think this is really the icky shuffle: having to admit that Cincy is good again. Cincy shouldn’t be good in anything except college hoops and pumpkin ice cream from Graeter’s. And with our guy Huggy Bear now having WAAAAAAY too much time on his hands, the Bearcats are not likely to be bruising and battering their foes with any type of consistency.
So we’re left with the conundrum that is Boomer’s Old Boys: To love Carson Palmer or to hate him? That is the question.
This week, we hate him. Go Jags!
Tennessee at Houston -- Intrasquad game, eh? These teams have always been the same to me. That baby blue color inclusion, we suppose.
TANGENT TIME: You gotta love the Guest Guesser role Double-D has added into this mix. We get to see a lot of the behind-the-scenes or up-and-comers and the talent they actually possess. This week’s gourmet Gorman offering is just such an example. Guy works at the craziest sports desk in all the land and he still finds time to bludgeon the girlie arm of Bad Chad. I love that. It shows the heartbeat of the industry that we often overlook.
Holy crap! Self-referencing to a fellow picker in a picks column?
Scott’s gone overboard. Call the Coast Guard up at Hull’s Alerton Point. MAN DOWN.
Take the Oilers. Houston, that is.
(Dave's World interjects: The funny thing, DS, is that I've asked a couple folks back home if they're interested in joining our little circus, and they've declined. Around the rest of the country, well, the line to become a guest panelist here is sorta like the old line outside of Studio 54, and the assortment just as odd. But some are still stuck in the mentality that it is "wrong" to contribute somewhere like here, because That's Not How They Did Things Back When God Himself Handed Grantland Rice The Official Rules For Sportswriters. Around the rest of the country, the emails read "Hey Dave, this is pretty cool! Lemme know if you want me to pick sometime!").
New Orleans at Green Bay -- Somehow, this past Monday night, Brett Favre almost managed to save his Packers from their worst start since 1988. Almost.
And that 'almost' made the game a very sad one in the end. Because now Favre is 0-4 and his coach had to take the first 60 seconds of his post-game chat just to go down the rash of injuries his fellas had acquired on their visit to Charlotte.
The Pack ain’t back, the pack is sacked.
All of which means there will be no Favre come the latter days of January. No Favre gutting out a playoff win with some ridiculous drive under ridiculous conditions.
No, folks, THAT Brett Favre is gone for good, we fear.
And New Orleans will be the next team to prove that.
CF: Philadelphia over Dallas -- I recently bought my first home and while moving in I found an old autographed poster of Drew Bledsoe amongst some other sports memorabilia destined for our office. After a few moments of deliberation, I realized the dumpster was the proper destination for this antique and started towards the trash with it before my parents insisted I keep it (for both nostalgic and potential monetary reasons). Currently its collecting dust in my basement, which is appropriate since Drew and the Cowboys are likewise gathering cobwebs in the basement of the NFC East.
(Dave's World interjects yet again: Kid Forsberg is 25 and owns a house. I am 32 and own a blog).
Pittsburgh over San Diego -- New England beat Pittsburgh and San Diego beat New England, therefore Pittsburgh beats San Diego. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. But here's the thing. One quality team is coming off a tough loss, the other potentially quality team is coming off a monumental win. Prototypical letdown game for San Diego (see also: Carolina vs. Miami, Week 3). Let's just say that Pittsburgh's defense shouldn't be nearly as bad as the Patriots were this past week. I mean, Duane Starks was giving New England fans flashbacks to Maurice "Toast" Hurst, while Monty Beisel should be stripped of that No. 52 until he proves he can actually record a solo tackle.
DD: Chicago at Cleveland -- The White Sox scored their first home playoff win since 1959 on Tuesday. I'm 32. If I was a White Sox fan, it would be the first home playoff victory for my team in my lifetime. The same also holds true if I'm 42. If I'm 52, I might have it as a vague childhood memory. (Of course, if I was born Wednesday morning, I would have seen the first home win by nightfall, but that's another topic). That's solid dedication to your team, all 15,000 or so who have supported them over the years. (It is pretty easy to tell the hardcore White Sox fans from the rest, who simply put their Cubs gear in the closet, because the real fans are the ones wearing any of a number of hideous old White Sox uni designs). Either way, the White Sox are doing this at the Red Sox' expense, so I am picking Cleveland out of spite.
New England at Atlanta -- Hate to say it, but it sure looks like Boston's little gilded sports age is coming to an end this month. I'm not saying the sky is falling, but Boston experienced highs the past few years few cities have ever experienced, and the peak has passed. Though, not enough that the Pats can't rebound, like they tend to every time they're counted out, and beat the Falcons.
Miami at Buffalo -- I'm going to create my own brand-new curse right here: The Curse of Doug Flutie. Buffalo's last oustanding season came in 1998, with Doug at the helm ... until he was benched a week before the playoffs, and Buffalo lost the playoff game to the Titans on the legendary Home Run Throwback play. Since then, the Bills have been terrible and gone through one QB after another -- Rob Johnson, Alex Van Pelt, Drew Bledsoe, J.P. Loseman, etc. That's what you get for messing with Dougie. Miami rolls.
College
SO'N: UCLA at Cal -- Just when it looked like things were getting better for UCLA, the Bruins nearly needed their diaper changed against woeful Washington -- a mangy dawg of a team that would struggle to win many Division I-AA conferences. That's been the Bruins' MO under the effervescent one, Karl Dorrell, a recent graduate of the Tyrone Willingham/Bill Snyder Charisma Seminars, who always seems on the verge of something really cool, only to watch his team come undone against juggernauts like Wyoming. But Karl's a super-organized guy, so I'll just sum this game up with an entry form his Day Runner -- "Oct. 8: Get drilled by Cal."
DS: Georgia at Tennessee I -- Danny Ainge’s nephew is benched because he bites (or did last week anyhow), but NOT because he was bitten by a Tree.
Uncle Danny, you see, was bit on the finger by Tree Rollins and he never lived it down. Better to bite (slangily) than to be bitten (verb usagely) by a Tree.
Oh, and the game: Herschel Walker’s side –- Ainge will be back at Vol Control by the fourth quarter. And he can bite all he wants, the Dawgs are used to it.
DG: Georgia at Tennessee II -- Ah, SEC football. The teams. The fans. The rivalries. The programs mired in dirt. It makes one harken fondly back to the days of SMU and the 1980s and early-1990s Miami Hurricanes. Georgia wins simply because I don't trust Phil Fulmer to coach his way out of a room with the door open.
(Foul on Dave's World. I sent two guys the same game assignment. I meant to give one of these fellas Texas-Oklahoma. I'll blame it on the fact it is October in Seattle and the sun just disappeared until about May or so, which makes one think a winter in, say, Los Angeles might be nice).
CF: Holy Cross at Lehigh -- Holy Cross could be locking horns with USC this weekend and I'm picking the Crusaders. Growing up in the shadow of College Hill, I developed a love of football watching some very mediocre teams at Fitton Field (and this was when the Crusaders had scholarship athletes). But, to be honest, HC doesn't stand much of a chance in this one, especially on the road against the 10th-ranked Mountain Hawks. Plus it's never good when your top player -- Steve Silva -- has a better-know namesake who runs a Boston Red Sox fan site.
(Dave's World interjects: Kid Forsberg had an incentive clause in his Dave's World contract that required me to pick up the check next time we go to California Pizza Kitchen if I didn't give him a Holy Cross game by Oct. 15).
DD: Stanford at Washington State -- The first time I ever set foot in Idaho was three years ago. I was going to visit Shawn and his wife. Shawn had been spending years telling me Idaho is nothing like the stereotypes.
So I cross the state line from Pullman into Moscow. My cell phone isn't working. I stop at a gas station to use the pay phone and call Shawn. Before I could reach the phone, the very first person I spoke to in non-stereotypical Idaho was a drifter-looking guy who flagged me down and asked me if I had any chew. I didn't, as I never have, ever, in my life. He got angry and implied I was lying. I got in my car and drove away.
My point? I'm making Idaho trip No. 2 this weekend, and going to the Wazzu-Stanford game. I'll be bringing a tin of chew with me to ward off any potential further trouble with the locals.
In Seattle, the phrase "Coug-ing it" means to screw up. For example, the Cougs Couged it at Oregon State last weekend. But the Cougs won't Coug this one.
Assorted football links
posted by Dave Doyle @ 12:20 AM
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