Chile's Corner
KEEP YOUR STUFF OFF THE SINK
by Chile Hidalgo
So I walked into my gym's locker room the other day and was greeted with the sight of an older gentleman shaving in the nude, his manhood propped up over the edge of the sink.
It was not clear whether this positioning was intentional, but it was immediately clear to me that I often touched the area of the sink where his manhood rested with one of my hands when doing more normal things than shaving naked with my stuff on the sink.
This deeply distressed me.
Even if it were not for the manhood-resting-on-the-sink issue, who
decides it's a good idea to shave in the locker room while naked? Is it
really that much of an effort to wrap a towel around one's waist? I
understand that people go to locker rooms to shower and change, activities that require nudity, but there should be a rule that requires people to move through the process as inconspicuously and quickly as possible.
I don't need everyone to be like the guy who wears his shorts all over the locker room, including into the shower, and puts on his clean underwear while still wearing his towel. I appreciate the consideration, but I'm willing to accept incidental nudity. It's the prolonged parading around in the buff for no apparent reason other than to make everyone lose their lunch that bothers me.
Not that people shouldn't use the gym locker room. The people who for some reason feel compelled to not use it and carry their bags around with them everywhere they go are weird. Even if one isn't going to change, doesn't it seem odd that one would choose to walk around carrying an assortment of bags and jackets when there are spacious lockers into which one could drop all that stuff? This one member at my gym refuses to use the locker room, so she has a bag with a spare shirt, socks, sweatshirt, keys, and so on with her. She also carries around a 2-liter bottle of diet orange soda. I haven't been able to determine if the person goes through one 2-liter bottle each visit or instead carries the same one around for a week. The 2-liter bottle of orange soda does not impact my workout in any way, but it deeply distresses me. There should be rules about these sorts of things.
While we're on the topic, there are a ton of other rules I'd like to
see at gyms. For example, it should be prohibited for people to sing
while on the cardio machines. I was on an elliptical the other day
alongside a woman who was singing that Alanis Morissette "Ironic" song, except she was out of breath and could only sing every second or third line.
You know what makes a crappy 10-year-old pop song really special?
Hearing a rendition of every second or third line sang off-key emanating from the elliptical next to you.
Although I'll take Jagged Little Pill over loud grunting self-congratulating bench-pressing guy every time. That guy gets into all sorts of conversations with himself. "Come on, Dan, one more! One more!" he might yell. If he held a press conference to describe his weightlifting, he'd definitely talk about himself in the third person.
At least the grunting guys are trying. The people on cardio machines
who have the poor things set on level zero and are going about 40mph,
pedaling as fast as they can, bobbing excitedly in all directions,
and flinging sweat on everyone, seem to be under the illusion that they're getting the greatest workout of all time even though they're expending almost no effort. Dude, just crank it up to level one or two. I guarantee that you'll burn twice the calories in half the time and actually accomplish something.
I generally feel for people who smell especially bad while working out,
except for the ones who smell because they've worn the same gym clothes
for the last month and generally leave these clothes crumpled in a ball
under a bench in the locker room. It's especially awesome when one of
those persons starts passing gas. They think they're all discreet, but you always know who it was. I bet they're the same people who fart on a
crowded airplane.
As anywhere else, a little consideration goes a long way. There's no
need to fill up a 1-gallon jug to the very brim while a line of 8 persons forms. It's OK to fill it half way and come back later for the rest. Or use a regular, one serving bottle.
In the end, though, maybe all the wrath and disgust these people cause
me is for the better. It makes me forget that I'm paying for the
privilege of running in place for half an hour.
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