Dave's World

Changeover

2006-02-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

Sooo ... just wasted another hour trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong with the coding, with the results getting worse and worse with each attempt.

Before I end up accidentally nuking everything I've ever posted, I'm going to start a new blog, with freshly restored links and everything, and continue from there. Click here and you'll be transported to the new site, as if by magic.

Everything from the old site will remain here.

Checking in

2006-01-31T14:53:00.000-08:00

Haven't checked in here for awhile. It's kind of hard to motivate yourself to sit inside and write on your off-day when it is 70 degrees in the middle of winter. Nonetheless ...

*Let me get the self-promotional stuff out of the way first. I had a piece go up on FOXSports.com a couple weeks back looking into the notion of East Coast bias and whether it actually exists. It got posted on Poynter's Romenesko site, and I think one sign I did a competent job is that someone posted it up on Sportsjournalists.com and it didn't get ripped to shreds. Anyway, here's the link. As an aside, it is pretty exciting to work in a newsroom where you can approach people with ideas and not only do they listen, they figure out ways to make them work, then make them even bigger.

Also, I've been posting on the FOX Funhouse blog, as has fellow FOX deskers Andy Nesbitt and Jim Rieneking, who would have fit right in here at Dave's World during the site's heyday.

*So I know I'm a few weeks late to the table on this one, but the more I think about Ben Watson's big play in the playoff loss to Denver -- which belongs on the short list of the greatest plays in the history of the New England Patriots -- the more I realized that in and of itself, it was a micrcocosm of the Patriots' season. The play and the season both started out with everything going wrong. Watson, and the Pats, both had to make ridiculous adjustments on the fly. Watston made an absolutely great hustle play to catch up to the ball at the end, like the Pats down the stretch, then made the big play -- only to not have it matter in the end.

*I've been reading David Halberstam's book on Bill Belichick and give it two thumbs up. The portion of the book I found most intruiging was the one covering Belichick's stint with the Giants. With the benefit of hindsight, BB sure seems to deserve a lot of the credit Bill Parcells gets for the Giants' two Super Bowls. In the first one, Denver led at halftime and they made defensive adjustments that shut down John Elway in the second half. In the second, the Bills came into the Super Bowl as favorites, having scored 95 points in their first two playoff games. Belichick's defense let Thurman Thomas run just enough to shut down Kelly's quick strike capability.
Hmmm ... halftime adjustments and taking a away an opposing offense's strength. Where have we heard that before? And for that matter, the Patriots were 21-27 in Parcells' first three years with the Patriots, then went to the Super Bowl with BB as assistant head coach. I don't want to dismiss Parcells entirely because his skills as a motivator were top notch, but there's a clear delineation between Parcells' record with BB as an underling and without.

*Anyone here who thinks Tim Thomas will still be shutting teams down in April, raise your hand. Actually, let me try that again -- anyone still watching the Bruins, raise your hand.

*Yes, I'm still watching Mexican wrestling on Galavision. Pretty horrible result last Saturday, as Dr. Wagner Jr. lost the NWA light heavyweight title to all-time wuss Atlantis. Dr. Wagner Jr. is the son of an evil doctor who did not follow the Hippocratic oath, and you're telling me he is going to lose to someone who lives under the sea? Gimme a break. On a better note, there's a Lucha VaVoom show in LA next month featuring Blue Demon Jr. and Super Porky vs. Los Villanos III y IV, and you damn bet I'll be there.

*So, 20 years ago, the top seeded team from the NFC with a killer defense played the lowest seed from the AFC, which had gone on an incredible roll and won three consecutive postseason road games to get there. And the NFC team kicked the bejeezus out of the AFC team. Same thing's going to happen here, methinks.

*Hey, did you know that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? Did you? I bet you didn't hear that, so I'm telling you. Now, if Bettis is from Detroit and plays his final game there, does that mean The Bus has made a round trip? LOLOLOLOL!!!

Sorry.

*In 'n' Out Burger. Reason No. 23424534 or so why I might never leave SoCal.

*Hello Garrett.

January at the beach

2006-01-09T13:22:00.000-08:00

*So, how am I liking LA so far, you ask? Let me put it this way. I had Friday off and I spent most of the afternoon at the beach. On January 6. It got up near 85 degrees. That night I had the windows open in my room and it felt like a midsummer night and I had a feeling like I should turn on the Sox game on the radio. Except, I turned on the TV and there were the Clippers.

*Speaking of, the Clippers are a lot of fun to watch, and this is coming from someone who generally does not enjoy the NBA in the slightest. They're a young team that plays energetic ball. Probably not a title contender, but they'll make some noise in the playoffs. Of course, they played just about their worst game of the season against the Celtics a couple weeks ago, so those reading this back home have seen zero evidence of this.

*And speaking of "back home," I couldn't help but read all the teeth-gnashing over Doug Flutie's drop kick and just shake my head in disbelief. Here's a little clue from someone who used to be in the Boston sports media bubble and now watches from afar: Outside of Boston, around the rest of the country, the near-unanimous opinion on the drop kick was "that was just about the coolest thing I have ever seen." Here's an idea: You are not required to manufacture controversy 365 days a year. Sometimes there simply is no controversy. And another idea: If you find yourself working yourself into a froth because Doug Flutie kicked a drop kick, you really should step away from your keyboard, shut off your radio, and take a couple days off.

Hola

2005-12-26T11:23:00.000-08:00

So, I was trying to remove the google ads from this thing, and think I did something wrong with the coding, and all of a sudden all the text to the blog was pushed way down underneath all the links. Since I'm heading off to work soon, I'm simply just nuking all the links for now and will try to figure this out when I have more time.

Meanwhile, if you're wondering what's been bouncing around Mr. Scatterbrain's head these days, my take on the Johnny Damon situation just so happened to be my first byline for FOXSports.com

OK

2005-12-08T00:10:00.000-08:00

You guys keep coming back, according to my site meter. You want something new? Here's something new: A photo of Mistico getting a beat-down from Averno and Mephisto.

You want news? OK, it is still 70 degrees in SoCal.

Last call

2005-11-21T12:43:00.000-08:00

I was going to post a big, weepy goodbye that was going to leave you all in tears and pondering the meaning of your existence. But, it is 85 degrees and sunny in Hermosa Beach, CA, so I think I'm going to go outside instead.

If you've made this warped little blog a part of your daily reading mix, thanks. I had a lot of fun with this. if you took offense at anything I wrote, hey, I wasn't being too serious about much of anything. Except Mexican wrestling. That is serious business with deep sociopolitical implications, and two years from now, when Mistico and Dr. Wagner Jr. are household names, I want you to remember you heard about them here first.

I'm leaving my email address open, so feel free to drop me a line whenever.

Football Thursday

2005-11-17T11:17:00.000-08:00

This is it, kids, the final Football Thursday. Steve Sears is back again this week; he's now an official member of the gang in a September-callup sort of way. Thanks to Shawn O'Neal, Dave Scott and Chris Forsberg for playing along every week.

On to the picks:

Game of the week: Indianapolis at Cincinnati

SO'N —- Talk about a strange confluence of events. It wasn't long ago that a Bengals-Colts game would have drawn all the excitement of a bootlegged Dick Cheney-Condoleezza Rice sex tape. Now, tickets are going for more than $700 on eBay and the game sets up as one of the better contests of the regular season. Bengals officials are also warning fans about the possibility of counterfeit tickets. That shouldn't be a problem as Cincinnati fans are used to spotting a fraud. To wit, their so-so team will be exposed this weekend. It's not that Cincinnati is bad. It's that if the Colts are butter, the Bengals that crap my wife makes me eat that comes out of the spray bottle. Trust me, it ain't the same thing.

(Dave's World interjects: Which spray bottle are we talking about, SO'N? When I visited Idaho you were feeding your kid no-stick spray straight out of the can and claiming it counted as a serving of vegetables).

SS -- Two years ago, Kansas City entered Cincy with a 9-0 record and left 9-1. Now, the unstoppable, greatest team of all time, the Indianapolis Colts, are going to northern Kentucky with a similar 9-0 record. Will the same thing happen? I doubt it. Even though the Bengals secondary has made mince meat of the artist formerly known as Brett Favre and other NFC central "quarterbacks" to the tune of 1,000 interceptions, I don't see them doing the same to Peyton. Anyway, the Colts must go undefeated or the terrorists have won.

CF: See, Doyle's the only one who gets to see all the picks before they get posted, so I'm always left to wonder if someone above me already
stole a certain witty angle on the group pick. Like, do I make a Chad
Johnson guarantee joke here, or will Dave Scott have already beaten
that one into the ground? Do I bash Peyton Manning, or will Doyle
have already fun facted that for us. I just don't know. Colts remain undefeated, I guarantee it!

DS: Wow -– what a sad week: Big Papi loses to the A-Fraud, a WWE wrestler we never knew dies and The World Of Doyle shutters its windows.
There truly is no justice.

As one of the original pickers chosen by DD, I feel it's only proper to hearken back to some of the glorious weeks in this feature's long, proud history . . . Hold on – this isn't the Boston Globe, is it?

Truthfully? I never knew how demanding it could be to make a complete boob of myself week-in and week-out. I don't claim to be an NFL-head, but I follow the game. Same with the colleges.

But picking winners (even without a spread) is grueling stuff.
Even so, we're mustering the energy to give you one final hurrah and ask that you remember The Streak (of wins) and not The Rash (of losses) during our time in this Wiseguys' World o' Doyle.

No room for explanations, really, but my gut tells me that Seattle is better equipped to ruin the Perfect Peyton Season than Cincy. Colts win, and the '72 Dolphins guys come out of the woodwork. Again.

And now, for the final time, am unsolicited (yet somehow warranted) cheap shot at Kenny Chesney. I mean Peyton Manning. . . . From our host with the most, Double-D. . .

DD -- First off, DS, how can you not include the Revs' loss in Copa MLS on Sunday on your list of this week's bad news? The Revs have now lost the finals twice to the Galaxy. Clearly there is a Curse of Walter Zenga book waiting to be written, then beaten and beaten and beaten long after the horse has not just died, but been turned into glue. Now, as for Our Final Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact, we're going to instead hand off to his fellow ringless MVP, Alex Rodriguez. That would be A-Rod, the man judged to be most valuable to his team in 2005. He left the Mariners; the Mariners won 116 games the following season. He was adjudged most valuable on the last-place Texas Rangers in 2003; when the player judged most valuable to that team left town, their win percentage improved from .438 to .549. Sense a pattern here? A-Rod has been with the Yankees for two years now; that coincided with the first two-year period in which the team didn't win a pennant in a decade. Anyway, here's this week's fun fact: In his past eight playoff games, going back to Game 5 of the 2004 ALCS, two-time AL MVP Alex Rodriguez's postseason batting average is .111. But hey, he plays the field, so the guy whose teams get better when he leaves is clearly more valuable to his team than the guy who was the backbone of the most successful three-year run in his team's century-long history. Oh, and, Bengals win.

Other NFL

SO'N: Arizona at St. Louis -- It's hard to pick what excites Rams fans more -- that Kurt Warner is no longer their quarterback or that his wife will be leaving their fair city shortly after this game? Both are great news for St. Louis residents, whose Rams already trail Seattle by three games in the Feces Fiesta that is the NFC West. Warner's had a hard time throwing the ball to the right guys (five picks, three TDs) and the only games the Cardinals have won have come against teams that are currently applying for admission to the Arena League -- Tennessee and San Francisco. But it's hard to hang it all on Warner. The guy's not what he used to be, but he's been sacked 13 times this year. The guy who took his place when he was injured -- Josh McCown -- has also hit the turf 13 times. To contrast. there are five teams that have allowed fewer than 13 sacks this year. I usually like to be more analytical in my comments, but there's just no need to be eloquent here: Arizona sucks.

Miami at Cleveland -- Silly old me … I didn't even know they still played football in Cleveland. Thought that scoundrel Art Modell had packed them up and headed to Baltimore … named them the Ravens … won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer at QB. But, yup, Dave tells me to pick Miami at Cleveland and when I go to the standings, there they are. How about that? Anyway, I supposed the story here is former Bill Belichick guys going at it. Romeo Crenel and Nick Saban have to be applauded for what they've done this year, bringing a little bit of pride back to these once-proud organizations. Good for them. Take the Browns, unless you're worries about taking the word of a guy who thought seriously that football had returned to Baltimore. In that case, take the Dolphins.

DS: Detroit-Dallas -- We told you last week: In Tuna we trust. Monday night's stunner only confirms what we've thought for a long time: Give me Drew Bledsoe, Terry Glenn and The Tuna and I'll give you a playoff team.
Call this the "One You'll Never See on Thanksgiving Day" and call the Cowboys, "Daddy."

And call Quin Snyder, "Coach," or else he'll drip hair gel on you and make you smell his cologne.

Buffalo-San Diego -- I'm trying to remember the last full-time, guaranteed, gonna-be-there–starter that Buffalo has had and, in lieu of Drew, all I can come up with is Jim Kelly. Buffalo has been without a marquee QB since Kelly and that's just unimaginable in these parts of New England.

San Diego, on the other hand, has had Dan Fouts for as long as I can remember. Bolts beat Buff.

SS: Pittsburgh at Baltimore -- Kyle Boller vs. Tommy Maddox. A quarterback match-up that makes guys like Ron Jaworski and Steve Sabol drool. Can your hear the NFL Films tape of this game? "Kyle Boller battled the elements like a true warrior. He haunted the Steelers like the Raven Lenore haunted the poet Poe. He did all he could, but alas, his counterpart stood stronger in this clash of titans. Tommy Maddox directed his men down the field like Eisenhower led his men on the beaches of France. When the dust cleared, Maddox's efficient 7-24 performance was enough to claim a 16-10 victory that would vault the Steelers past the Axis powers --the Baltimore Ravens."

Oakland at Washington -- Back in my younger days, I was a sports free agent. I was not raised to be a Pats fan so my half-brother, who lives
in Northern Virginia, tried to turn me into a Redskins fan. I knew more
about John Riggins than Bill Parcells or Drew Bledsoe at that time. His
efforts, though genuine, were ultimately unsuccessful. The Bledsoe
comeback against the Vikings in 1994 turned me into a Pats fan. I think
I made the right choice. I don't mind seeing the 'Skins win and I
wouldn't mind a win here against a team and a fan base that can't
get over the Snow Bowl. They had their chance to win that and they lost. They had a chance to win the Super Bowl and got massacred. They will lose this one too.

CF: New York Jets-Denver -- We're going out of business folks! Take an additional 20 percent of all green tag items! Everything must go! We're clearing out room for the 2006 Dave Doyles and we're slicing and dicing these prices. Like a slightly used Stephen Sears, regularly $75 per story; new price: free! Come on dooooooooooown!

Philadelphia-New York Giants -- I got nothing to say on this one and my dog is walking dangerously close to my laptop keys, so I'll let him handle this one. His name's Boo in case you wanna say hi.

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(Dave's World interjects: See, one might take a pick like this as a hint that Chris is tanking it this week, but to me, the giveaway is that he has yet to even muster his weekly "Doyle always gives me the lousiest games" gripe).

DD: New Orleans at New England -- If you're driving up or down the great state of Rhode Island on I-95, like, say, if you're going to or from Foxwoods, you'll see a sign that says "International Scholar-Athlete Hall of Fame" at the same exit as the esteemed U of R.I. This always intrigues me, on two fronts -- 1. What in the hell is the IS-AHOF, and 2. Why is it at URI and not, say, Princeton or Stanford? Anyway, on one sleep-deprived road trip, I decided the place should be named after the most famous URI scholar-athlete of recent vintage, so these days I refer to it as "The Lamar Odom International Scholar-Athlete Hall of Fame." Oh yeah, and, Pats win.

Seattle at San Francisco -- So after my tirade about Seattle and the monorail last week, I got a couple "dude, why do you hate Seattle?" emails. Not true. Here is a partial list of things I am going to miss about the Emerald City: Easy Street Records; Alki Beach; Green Lake; the guys and gals at Uptown Espresso on Erskine, who are the best baristas in the whole damn city; "sunbreaks"; Vancouver being a day trip away; Katie Downs pizza in Tacoma; going to Mariners games on a sunny summer afternoon; downtown Olympia; the Seahawks' inevitable late-season collapse during the rare seasons they seem to have any potential; I could go on and on.

Colleges

SO'N: Washington State at Washington -- "Legendary" Washington coach Don James once opined, "Going to Washington State prepares you well for life in that you learn not to expect much." Well, Don James was a dirty cheater and was replaced by a loser (Jim Lambright) who was then replaced by a dirty cheater (Rick Neuheisel) who was then replaced by a loser (Keith Gilbertson) who was then replaced by Tyrone Willingham. The trend would say otherwise, but I am betting Willingham is not a cheater.

(D's W interjects: And let this serve notice to all commies, pinkos, and other undesirables lurking in Northern Idaho: Now that he no longer has a forum for football picks as his hobby, SO'N will no doubt return to his favorite pastime. "Hunting season" is about to begin.)

CF: Boston College-Maryland -- We have a freelancer at work who bought this hideous orange sweatshirt with Maryland written across the front. Now, without fail, people walk up to him when he's wearing it and ask, "When did the Terps change their color to orange?" The freelancer used to chuckle at the joke, now you can tell he's regretting the whole purchase.

What does this have to do with anything? Nothing at all. Did I
mention we're going out of business here at Dave's World?! You want a
real pick, don't come to a lame-duck blog.

DS: Auburn-Alabama -- The luster of this one was taken away by LSU last weekend. But the luster of this one can never be taken away.

I've been doing some research for a book project I'm helping out on and the happy offshoot has been a chance to re-read Warren St. John's, "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer." It's also given me cause to get a first read of Allen Barra's, "The Last Coach." Both books' authors would be much more qualified to assess this tussle.

Instead, Doyle gives you me.

And I give you, Auburn for the win.

Lastly, let's all wish all-time Good Guy, Dave Doyle, the best of luck in his next endeavor. Put the guy on a bigger stage and the stage will thank you for it –- trust me.

(CUE: Sappy, sentimental, PBS music. BEGIN crying. Fade to Black.)

(D's W: Clearly, DS is referring to a different Dave Doyle here).

DD: Ohio State-Michigan -- Any college football aficionado worth his salt knows Cumberland College's contribution to the sport. That was the team that lost in the most one-sided CFB game ever, a 220-0 decision against Georgia Tech in 1916. Rumor has it that Cumby will be playing the Indianapolis Colts next year. Anyway, I bring this up because the record is going to fall this weekend -- that is, if Ohio State bothers showing up. Because the Buckeyes just have zero chance of winning. They don't belong on the same field as the Wolverines. Block your children's eyes, because this one is going to get ugly in a hurry. (Note: The fact my new boss is a Michigan grad did not in any way influence this pick).

GM

2005-11-16T12:08:00.000-08:00

Is it impertinent of me to ask why the Red Sox, who have interviewed and been turned down by roughly 1,432 candidates in their GM search (today they will be interviewing Wally the Green Monster and the guy who sells sausages out on Landsdowne), have yet to have a minority candidate come in for an interview?

Stuff

2005-11-15T11:23:00.000-08:00

A few thoughts, here:

*First off, congrats to A-Rod on both his .133 postseason batting average and his A.L. MVP. The award almost erases the final A-Rod image of 2005, that of his ninth-inning double play in Game 5 against the Angels. Almost.

*I have to admit I got a bit of chuckle out of the spate of "hey, the Bruins are a train wreck, who saw that one coming?" articles in the Boston papers over the past couple days. I could re-post the "same old Bruins" item I wrote during the first week of training camp, but lord knows I've gotten my share of things wrong here.

A couple years back, when the Bruins were in the midst of their historic choke against the Habs in the playoffs, Kevin Paul Dupont wrote a tough piece criticizing Joe Thornton for his play and initmated he might not deserve to wear the captain's C. Kevin got absolutely skewered for writing this column. But, here's the thing. Let me make this clear:

DUPIE WAS RIGHT.

Joe Thornton is a very good hockey player. From all accounts, he's one of the best guys you could want to meet. And I definitely wouldn't want to get into a fight with him.

But being a captain in hockey means doing things like Mark Messier did in 1994 when his Rangers trailed the Devils 3-2 in the Eastern Conference finals. He sought out the tabloid reporters, guaranteed victory, and basically went out and delivered it. The Bruins sat around against Montreal with their thumbs up their butts and frittered away a 3-1 series lead for the first time in franchise history.

There's a big difference between writing columns that are stinging but fair and cheap-shot columns. Everyone knows who the cheap-shot artists are in Boston. Dupie's not one of them. His Thornton column was both on the money and fair. I mean, geez, if the Bruins couldn't handle the heat from one critical column, they didn't deserve to win anyway.

Anyway, the main premise of that column has become apparent yet again this year. The Bruins are the softest team on ice and have zero killer instinct. Changing the captaincy won't turn things around, but I've still yet to see anything out of Thornton that would indicate he deserves the honor.

*I got satellite radio over the weekend. As of right now, I consider it quite possibly the single greatest invention in the history of the human race. I'd say "the greatest thing since sliced bread," but this is way better than sliced bread. 230 channels, no commercials, no DJs, every NHL and MLB game and a ton of college hoops and football. I can't believe I've lived the first 32 years of my life without this.

But this got me thinking ... just how bad is commercial radio? Think about it. They have a product that is free, and that free product has become so lousy that droves of people are willing to pay $12.95 a month for an alternative. I mean, there is still obviously some quality stuff on commercial radio, but if there wasn't so much lowest-common-denomenator garbage I never would have even thought to look into satellite radio.

*So, I'm not sure I'm going to have time to do the Dave's World Awards, after all. I sort of forgot how much time and energy goes into picking up and moving down the coast.

I am, however, going to link up to my friend Matt's Dispatches from Iraq series one more time. I consider this one of the most rewarding endeavors I've undertaken as a journalist. And I'd like to think Matt and I demonstrated something about the potential of blogs -- I gave Matt the medium, he supplied the dispatches, and we were able to give an unfiltered look at what's going on over in the desert without the constraints of traditional media.

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Back from Iraq

Dispatches from Iraq 9

Dispatches from Iraq 8

Dispatches from Iraq 7

Dispatches from Iraq 6

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

Eddie Guerrero

2005-11-14T01:05:00.000-08:00

If you're not a pro wrestling fan, you might have heard about the death of Eddie Guerrero on Sunday and wondered what all the fuss was about. Wrestler deaths have become sadly routine over the years, but this one gained more traction in the mainstream media than most.

Wrestling has always been a unique blend of reality and illusion that no sport or entertainment vehicle will likely ever be able to match. Of course the results are staged and plots are scripted out months in advance. But the wrestlers who connect best with the audience have always been the ones who come across as real.

In a world of larger-than-life characters, Eddie Guerrero was distinctly a real, down-to-earth human being, with real strengths and real, well-known foibles. He wasn't much bigger than the people in the crowd. The audience knew Eddie wrestled under his real name. They knew he spent his entire life in wrestling. His father, Gori, was a wrestling legend in Mexico, and his older brothers -- Chavo, Mando, and Hector -- have been around the wrestling business so long that everyone knows the Guerrero name. They even knew that the current Chavo Guerrero was Chavo Jr., Eddie's nephew, and not his brother, as he was portrayed on TV.

They also knew of his personal battles with painkiller addiction -- a battle he's said to have kicked four years ago -- and with depression.

Eddie was a real person, like the audience, not a comic-book character.

And he was a person with an absolute unquenchable desire to be one of the greatest performers in the history of the industry. He might have never realized it, but it was a goal he achieved.

I've been watching wrestling just about my whole life, something I freely admit to, and Eddie was involved in what I consider to this day the single greatest wrestling performance I've ever seen. He was in a feature match on a Mexican wrestling pay-per-view event in Los Angeles at a sold-out Sports Arena in 1994. He and his bad-guy tag team partner, Art Barr, had never been given a real chance to get ahead in the American wrestling business, and they were determined to tear down the house for the national TV audience. Guerrero and Barr put on an absolute blowaway performance against opponents El Hijo Del Santo and Octagon that nearly caused a riot and had fans hopping the rails. Security barely kept a lid on things. It was unreal. Or was it all too real? That's the thing with wrestling.

Then there's my favorite memory of Eddie. A couple years back, the WWE sent him out to wrestle a string of small-time shows. This one was at the Quincy, MA National Guard Armory. Couldn't have been more than 400 people there. Eddie wrestled a three-way match with two local stiffs whose names I cannot remember. The crowd was happy to simply have a big name in their little gym and wouldn't have cared if he just showed up and went through the motions. But he put on a 20-minute clinic that had the local guys looking like superstars by the time he was done.

The fans left the building that night buzzing about the show Guerrero put on. With Eddie, it didn't matter if he was the headline act at Madison Square Garden or if he was at Podunk High -- if the people paid their money to see wrestling, he was going to give them their money's worth.

That's the highest real compliment you can pay a professional wrestler. But it also hints at the not-so-secret dark side of the industry, the one with the alarming body count. Remember Barr, Guerrero's partner from that 1994 show? He was dead nine days later at the age of 28 after a bad reaction to painkillers. Way too many wrestlers like Guerrero and Barr have gotten caught in a trap -- they're told they are "too small" to headline, so not only do they feel the pressure to get bigger, but many of them choose to perform a more legitimately physically punishing style in order to stand out, and end up on painkillers, and that doesn't even factor in the grind of being on the road 300 days a year. It is a combination that has caught up to way too many wrestlers over the past two decades.

Which might lead a non-wrestling fan to ask why anyone could support such a business. That's a valid question. It is one I ask myself every time wrestling's horrible side rears its ugly head. Right now, I don't have a good answer.

Best of Dave's World Part I

2005-11-12T13:08:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided I'm doing a couple things over the next week or so as Dave's World continues its going out of business sale. For one, we're going to hand out the 2005 Dave's World Awards. We were going to do this at the end of the year anyway, so we'll just push them up a couple months.

These will be modeled after the types of awards you see in various alt-weeklies and monthly magazines in major cities across the country. The difference being, in your average (Insert city here) Weekly or (Insert city here) magazine, they insist on collecting reader ballots, but somehow, without fail, the awards always magically end up in the hands of their advertisers. Here at Dave's World we're going to cut through the pretense, cut out the middlemen, and be upfront about the fact we're flagrantly handing out awards to our friends and colleagues. For example, here's my first award: The 2005 Dave's World Fitchburg Sentinel Sports Staffer of the Year -- Chris Forsberg. Hands down, no contest.

The other thing I'm going to do is re-broadcast some of my favorite things that have appeared on this site over the past six months. If that's self-serving, well, this is my blog. And besides, astute observers have no doubt noted that most of the stuff worth reading here has been contributed by others, while I mainly blab gibberish about things like Mexican wrestling.

One of the first things that found a big audience on the site was this Chile's Corner piece, first published on July 3. Given the way things panned out with the Red Sox over the past couple weeks, in hindsight this looks like it was about three months ahead of the curve:

THE DAVE'S WORLD PRE-GAME REPORT PRESENTS DAVE'S WORLD'S CHILE'S CORNER LOOKING AT WHY NESN RED SOX BROADCASTS ARE UNWATCHABLE SPONSORED BY DAVE'S WORLD AND FOLLOWED BY DAVE'S WORLD EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA INNINGS AND THE DAVE'S WORLD THIRD-RATE KNOCKOFF POKER CHALLENGE AND DID WE MENTION YOU'RE READING DAVE'S WORLD?

By Chile Hidalgo

I haven't been enjoying the Red Sox season as much this year as I have in the past, and I think I've figured out why. At first I attributed it to some sort of World Series malaise -- after all, any number of famous national commentators had speculated that Red Sox fans wouldn't know how to react to winning the World Series.

But the results definitely mattered to me, as friends and family can attest, based on the language I chose to describe any number of Keith Foulke/Alan Embree implosions or Edgar Renteria's 2-for-98 start to the season. It wasn't because the games weren't exciting: three months into the season, the Sox have had more memorable comebacks and running subplots than the 1992, 1993, and 1994 seasons combined (you may recall that Scott Cooper's back-to-back All-Star appearances were probably the most exciting things that happened during those years).

It took me awhile to figure it out, but a couple weeks ago, sometime between an update from Hazel Mae in the NESN SportsDesk Studio and an inside joke between Don Orsillo and some NESN production team member about the size of said team member's biceps, it occurred to me that the reason I haven't been as interested in the Sox has been the quality of the broadcasts. This is the first time that they've consistently bored me. This isn't a knock on Jerry Remy, one of the best color announcers in baseball and a New England institution, or Don Orsillo (well, it's a bit of a knock on Don Orsillo), but has more to do with the disappearance of Sean McDonough and the fact that NESN broadcasts almost every Sox game.

McDonough, the son of legendary Boston Globe columnist Will McDonough, called Red Sox games from 1988-2004, and was pushed out of the Sox broadcast booth after last season. He now occasionally resurfaces on the 3rd or 4th string ESPN team with Tony Gwynn. The best thing I can say about McDonough is that he's the kind of broadcaster who makes you want to keep watching a mid-June 11-0 game after the 7th inning. His combination of dry sarcasm, occasional bouts of homer-ism, and willingness to voice his opinions regardless of the consequences (I'm guessing this had to do with his booth removal) meant that every Sox broadcast he did had something notable about it, whether it was a great one-liner, a new nickname for a marginal player (Hall of Famer Einar Diaz), or increasing concern about whether a specific comment would lead to him losing his job.

One of my favorite Sean McDonough quotes came during one of those late-season games that was roughly 11-0 after the 7th inning. The Phillies were awful that year and had been out of the race (behind the Braves, of course) since May, but on that night they were leading by a couple of runs late in the game. McDonough conveyed this information, then paused for a beat before adding, "if they can hang on and win, the Phillies have a chance to pull within 33 1/2 of idle Atlanta." And then he kept reading the rest of the scores.

Another McDonough highlight: one night while Dan Duquette was the GM, McDonough was laying into him. I forget the exact circumstances, but they probably involved Rudy Pemberton, Dwayne Franchise Hosey, and Robinson Checo. McDonough's tirade had been going on for awhile when McDonough announced -- live -- that he'd just been passed a memo from the Sox that ordered him to stop bashing the GM. And then he proceeded to bash the fact that he received a memo to that effect for about 20 minutes.

Granted, McDonough was a tough act to follow, but I've been watching broadcasts with Don Orsillo for what, three seasons now, and can't remember a single notable thing he's said, other than the fact that every time there's a foul ball that hits the stands somewhere between first base and the Pesky Pole he says "down by Canvas Alley." It's not that his presence takes that much away from the game or that he's a lousy announcer, but he adds nothing to the broadcast. Nothing distinguishes each game from the game before or the game after.

Of course, a lot of this has to do with NESN. Watching a game on NESN is kind of like being at K-Mart and hearing the canned announcements encourage you to check out any number of sensational K-Mart product lines such as K-Gro lawn products, K-nol pain reliever, and K-9 dog food (I spent two years in high school working at K-Mart -- trust me, I know). I watch a lot of baseball and a lot of sports on TV, and no other network, not even ESPN, is as relentlessly self-promotional as NESN. I'm tired of having to hear about WB Mason's Extra Innings with TC and Gary DiSarcina every half-inning. I'm not interested in watching "The Fun Before The Game" on the Olympia Sports Boston Red Sox Pre-game Show. I don't want to submit a recording of my friends doing kooky things related to the Red Sox to NESN's Fenway Fan Film Fest. I don't care who's still alive in the Partypoker.net Boston/NY Poker Challenge. I'm interested in Ford's Road Ahead, but would rather read about it in tomorrow's edition of the Boston Globe. (Incidentally, is it just me or is it kind of creepy that NESN, the Globe, and the Sox have overlapping ownerships?). I don't care what's On Tap, even if it's Red Sox Rewind immediately following SportsDesk and Granite City Extra Innings Extra. I don't need a Musical Montage featuring Hot Stuff when Terry Francona gets thrown out of the game. I certainly don't need to see a Very Special Presentation of a replica World Series trophy to the stuffed Wally the Green Monster that hangs out in the booth.

What I want is to be able to watch a baseball game without being reminded every three minutes of what network I'm watching and how else I can help that network rake in revenues. I guess I'm going to have to wait until the next time I get ESPN's 3rd or 4th-string broadcast crew for that.

(Dave's World is going to add a concurring postscript. As I've mentioned on the site several times, I have the DirecTV MLB baseball package. I've been watching a ton of baseball this year. At first, I remember watching a Yankees game on YES and thinking "hmm ... these announcers aren't half-bad." Then I watched a Dodgers game and listened to Vin Scully. An absolute pleasure. Then I watched the entire Sox-Indians series in Cleveland off the Fox Sports Ohio feed, and thought, "hey, these guys are great."

And it finally dawned on me -- they actually talk about baseball during baseball games in other cities; and they actually let baseball unfold at its natural pace, rather than cram every last second of the broadcast with some sort of visual or noise pollution. Even the Yankees have figured this out. They force Steinbrenner propaganda down your throat, but they don't hawk more products than the Home Shopping Network between pitches. Is NESN afraid that baseball games played by the defending world champions in a baseball-mad region that lives and dies with their team isn't interesting enough?

So in case you're wondering if baseball broadcasts around the country have been turned into a cacophony of bad jokes, nonstop carnival barking, and general annoying dreck, the answer is, no, they haven't, its just NESN).

Football Thursday

2005-11-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

I commissioned a PR firm to conduct a worldwide poll of Dave's World readers, asking which of the Football Thursday celebrity guest panelists you wanted to have back for a second appearance. And the voting was nearly unanimous -- everybody loves Steve Sears.

Either that, or, Steve was the only person on Instant Messenger when I realized at the last minute I forgot to ask anyone to pitch in this week.

So welcome back, Steve, who joins in along with world-class troublemaker Dave Scott, underground bunker-based Idaho misanthrope Shawn O'Neal, heterosexual male Howie Day fan Chris Forsberg, and your lame-duck blogger for the second-to-last week of Dave's World Football picks.

Game of the Week: Dallas at Philadelphia

SO'N: Millions of Americans surely breathed a sigh of relief when the Eagles made it official and booted TO -- please, do not ever call him Terrell Owens -- for the year and, probably, forever. Finally, ESPN can start focusing on other things. But seriously, this incestuous lust for all things TO by The Mouse takes me back to my high school graduation. It was then that Bryan Adams' emasculation anthem "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" was omnipresent. It was like if they were to start televising poker from Starbucks. Anyway, I remember thinking to my self, "self, I wish they had a station that played only this song, so people could hear it 24/7 and the rest of us would be spared the pain." So, how 'bout it ESPN? Can we have TO TV so the rest of us can live normal, happy lives? BTW, Drew and the Pokes win, taking another step toward Super Bowl inevitability.

DS: In Tuna we trust, despite the distinct possibility that Donovan F. McNabb winds up throwing for 400 yards and running for another 200. There's still just too much T.O. residual for the Eagles to be fully concentrating on Drew, Terry and Keyshawn.

SS: So I hear T.O. won't be playing in this game. In situations like this, a team such as Philly could implode and tank the rest of the season or they could rally around each other. I'll go with the latter. As for the 'Boys, since Bill Parcells likes to bring back old retreads, like Drew Bledsoe, I've been scouring the transactions to see if he has picked up Kevin Turner, Vincent Brown, Marion Butts or Ray Crittenden. Unfortunately I have yet to see their names. If I had, I would pick Dallas in a route, but I think Philly rallies in this one.

CF: The Burger King Web site doesn't contain a single reference to the King this week, which seems to confirm the rumors that the Dallas
Cowboys signed him during their bye week. It makes sense, too. The
King has shown the ability to thrive around Cowboys' quarterbacks —
stepping in front of a Drew Bledsoe offering in one spot, and
catching that tight spiral from Quincy Carter in another. Distraught
at being shown up by a former fast food mascot, Terrell Owens hires
fellow Philadelphia sports star Ugueth Urbina to light the King on
fire after the Cowboys prevail.

DD: Great, I'm the last one up, and there have already been four T.O. references and a Burger King reference. Ummm … did you see the finish of the Dallas-Seattle game a couple weeks back? Didn't that bring back nightmares? This week Drew is going to trot out another old Bledsoe favorite. This is what I called "The Bledsoe Lean," where, on a quarterback sneak on 4th-and-5 inches, he would grab the ball and just sort of stand there and lean forward instead of actually running forward like Tom Brady, who seems to average about 15 yards on keepers up the middle. Did Drew ever convert a 4th-down sneak in his life?

Other NFL Games

SO'N: Houston at Indianapolis -- You really want me to pick this game? OK, Indy. Now, back to TO. I bash ESPN for their coverage of all things TO, but I gotta admit, I watched the "apology" press conference live. And since I don't even watch the NFL live, I suppose that's why The World Wide Leader gives his every move play usually reserved for presidential assassinations. There. I'm part of the problem. I admit that. I have an insatiable appetite for TO. And nachos. TO AND nachos? Now, that's a party.

(Dave's World interjects: Did you think the Peyton Manning Fun Fact was going to go away just because the Colts finally beat the Pats for the first time since the franchise moved from Baltimore? If you did, you underestimate me. Here is this week's Fun Fact: Peyton wears the number 18 in honor of his 1-8 record in Foxboro).(Yes, I know it is actually 1-7. Send your correction email to norings@peyton.net).

Washington at Tampa Bay -- My favorite part of the TO apology presser was when Drew Rosenhaus addressed reports that he was ready to drop TO as a client. Rosenhaus then referred to TO as "a great person" before bellowing "I love this man!" It was like watching DVD outtakes from "Jerry Maguire." Hell, standing in the background, TO even looked like Rod Tidwell. I kept waiting for Rosenhaus to actually show us all the true meaning of his "personal-services contract." Who's gonna win between the Skins and Bucs? Next question.

DS: Patriots at Miami -- The free pass that this edition of the Patriots is getting -– even from venom-filled WEEI 850 AM in Boston -– is nothing short of incredible. They're hurt; they're adjusting to new coaches; they're coming back to the pack.

Oh yeah? How about this one: They're playing awful football. Poor execution, mental lapses and even all-out exasperation (Brady on the bench, eyes turned skyward) have been evident all season. They are the ultimate WiLo bunch: Win one, lose one, win one, lose one, and so on.

Fortunately, for the suck-ups in Boston, this is a "win-one" week. But it won't be easy, and that's nothing short of comical.

Kansas City at Buffalo -- If Dick Vermeil cries one more time, he's officially eligible for Academy Awards nominations. Onion cutters in a French onion soup factory don't cry as much as this softy.

That said, you had to love the call to go for the win (at home) last week, instead of the OT-inducing tie. Vermeil can cry a river all the way to Detroit for the Super Bowl if he keeps making gutsy calls like that one

SS: Minnesota at New York Giants -- Talk about overrated; this whole sex-cruise business is way overblown. Like the stodgy old reporters who are losing their collective comb-overs would not have done the same thing given the opportunity? It's almost as ridiculous as calling the Stone Temple Pilots, owners of one of the better albums of the 90s (Purple), the most overrated band of all time. The honor most assuredly belongs to KISS. They are terrible. I think the Giants fall back down to earth this week, but there is no way they should lose to the Vikes at home. Take the G-Men.

(Dave's World interjects: Steve, you get a free pass here because you were about 10 years old when the whole Seattle music thing broke and were too young to discern between giants of the industry like Nirvana and their corporately cloned knockoffs. For the rest of you, remember: Worst band ever: STP, Second worst: Creed).

New York Jets at Carolina -- If you watch ESPN on Sunday nights/Monday mornings you can sing along to the tune of the "Here's to football" song. "I love Ty Law getting punked, Brooks Bollinger throwing junk, and the Jets getting dunked ... for just two wins!" I won't torture you any longer. When ESPN started doing this every week during football season a few years ago, I thought it was just a temporary thing. Boy, was I wrong. Does the guy write this stuff during Sundays in Bristol, Conn. trying to find a word that rhymes with Kimo von Oelhoffen as Dan Patrick screams, "We need the song now! Now! We're running out of time!" As far as the game goes, no sane person can take Brooks Bollinger on the road in Carolina. Thanks, Dave. This was an easy one.

DD: St. Louis at Seattle -- We're taking a break here to discuss Tuesday's Seattle municipal elections. Now, Seattle's streets and highways are congested as bad as any city in the country. The roads themselves are outdated. The cost of gas is such that we're supposed to be happy we're "only" paying $2.55. There's a transportation crunch and things are only getting worse. So what did Seattlites do Tuesday? They voted down a monorail plan that would have connected the north and southwest of the city through the ridiculously congested downtown. Not to mention, would have stopped at the stadia for which they were OK with spending a billion dollars (which sit on the spot of the former Kingdome, which was imploded five years ago, a building for which they are also still paying). Meanwhile, the cityfolk won't get back a dime of the $200 million they've already sunk into the project; and will continue to be taxed on the rail line that won't be built for another two years. If you've ever seriously considered Northwest living, relocate to Portland or Vancouver instead, where they actually get public works projects finished (hell, Vancouver even got the Olympics). Oh, and the Seahawks will fall apart like they always do, starting Sunday.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh -- So I was having an instant message conversation with a friend of mine recently in which we were discussing odd names for arenas. (If you wonder if I might have something better to do with my life, scroll down and see my 2,000-word post on Mexican wrestling and you'll have your answer). Without a doubt, my favorite offbeat-sounding name for a facility is Diddle Arena, which, seemingly appropriately, is in Western Kentucky, and hosts WKU hoops. Then I googled Diddle Arena and found out that it was named after WKU legend Edgar Allen Diddle. Edgar Allen Diddle! Sounds like the lead character in an adult movie with a Poe theme. Oh yeah, anyway, Cleveland wins.

CF: Denver at Oakland -- Oakland fans think opposing teams hate them because of how unstoppable they used to be. No, we just hate the Raiders because of their fans. (D's W: Chris linked a series of photos to his picks this week that I'm not linking. The one I was supposed to put here was of a goofy looking dressed up Raiders fan). Listen, I give the guy an 'A' for effort. I'm sure he spent a good 8 to 10 hours concocting that ripped-off head in a Saints helmet. But chances are he skipped his kid's school play to do it. And when Little Billy wanted to play catch in the backyard on Sunday, Daddy was too busy painting his face to look like a zebra with vertigo.

Jacksonville at Baltimore -- Am I the only who thinks Jacksonville quarterback Bryan Leftwich looks exactly like Saturday Night Live's Kenan Thompson? (D's W: Here, Chris linked to a photo of Urkel for some reason). I mean, every time I see him on the sideline with his helmet off I keep waiting for that Kel guy to run over and start screaming something about Good Burger. And while we're totally ignoring the pick -- and why not since Jamal Lewis couldn't rush for 100 yards against the cast of All That, let alone the Jacksonville D -- it's simply impossible to flip past Dance 360 on UPN (which is co-hosted by Kel Mitchell and former Onyx frontman Fredro Starr). Tag ya man! Tag ya man!

Colleges

SO'N: Alabama at LSU --If an Alabama team finishes undefeated and out of the national-title game for a second straight year, get ready for the Apocalypse. The good folks at Auburn got screwed last year, and if Texas, Southern Cal and Alabama win out, the Tide will get the shaft this year. If it happens, Paul "Bear" Bryant will rise from his grave and a lead a coalition of living and dead Auburn and Alabama football fans on a rampage to make the Crusades look like the lunch rush at Subway. The good news is this — Alabama's offense is so bad even Bear's ghost knows this team is a fraud. The Tide are plenty good, and the defense is perhaps the nation's best, but this is no title contender and LSU will put things in perspective.

DS: UMass at Army -- The last time UMass and Army met was, well, whenever the last riot in Southwest was started over a sporting event or a racial insult. Likely, last weekend or perhaps, last night, knowing my Amherst disciples.

On the football field, the two teams have met just once before (a Minuteman loss in 1977) and in its I-AA history (dating back to the division's formation in 1978), UMass is, according to the Minuteman game notes, "8-16 against I-A foes, with the last victory being a 26-10 triumph over Ball State on Sept. 1, 1984, at home at McGuirk Alumni Stadium."

Would it be too bold to predict the 7-2 Minutemen beat the host, 2-6 Black Knights?

We think not. And with the Minuteman win, all the ROTC kids hanging out at Boyden are torn between their two allegiances, but decide they might as well join the riots instead of stopping them.

SS: Navy at Notre Dame -- The Fighting Irish (this nickname offends me) have obviously dominated the Midshipmen, beating them 41 straight times. That will be 42 by late Saturday afternoon. We all know about Notre Dame, the success of Brady Quinn, the 300-year contract Charlie Weis just signed, but what about Navy? Well, Lamar Owens is the quarterback. They like to run. They ... uh.... like boats. That's all I've got. I just have to say "Thanks, Dave" once again. I get the easy games, though I wish he had given me another chance to pick against Northeastern. Maybe next time.

CF: USC at Cal -- Southern Cal seems like the place to be. Heck, my friends are hightailing it to Los Angeles quicker than foxes lately. The only things that interests me about USC are the rumors about Matt Leinart dating that Kristin girl from Laguna Beach. Nice pull there, Matty. And since I'm on the picture kick, that shameless lead-in gives me an opportunity to present this, which I know Dave's World will have no problem posting on his site.... (D's W: Why Chris sent a shot of a shirtless Leinart, I'm not sure).

DD: Boise State at Fresno State -- How do you know it is November? When the Top 25 college basketball polls come out and Gonzaga is in the Top 10. This eventually leads to its corollary question -- how do you know it is March? When Gonzaga gets bounced in the first weekend of the NCAA tourney. (This will lead to the corollary email, where Shawn explains to me why it is different with the Zags this time, they're loaded).

Gonzaga, of course, routinely gets ranked higher than it deserves because writers back East feel they are obligated to rank the Zags high in order to avoid being accused of dreaded East Coast Bias -- you know, the same East Coast Bias that voted for Bartolo Colon over Mo Rivera as AL Cy Young; has USC atop the football polls for three years running; has 10 straight AL MVPs coming out of the West Division; etc.

Anyway, the football equivalent is the WAC, where Boise or Fresno and sometimes both end up in the Top 25 en route to the Humanitarian Bowl or the galleryfurniture.com bowl or some other such holiday classic. And it will probably be Boise, which has been putting up absurd numbers of points recently.

Last week's Football Thursday

Duel to the death

2005-11-10T11:14:00.000-08:00

I just witnessed the craziest Wild Kingdom-esque death battle right outside my window as I edited Football Thursday.

So there is this massive spider with a web on a tree right outside my office window. I myself would not mess with this thing. It is roughly the size of Ted Washington.

I also suddenly have a hornets nest somewhere near the house. Why the hornets arrived in November in Seattle, don't ask me.

Either way, you can see the invetable showdown looming.

Occasionally, hornets would come close to the web, but the spider would shake violently and scare them off.

Finally, one came too close and got caught in the web. The spider tried to pounce, but the hornet kept flashing its stinger. The spider would manuever around the stinger and try to bite; the hornet would thrash around and try to sting.

This went on longer than you might think. Eventually the hornet got a little too tangled in the web and it was lights out soon thereafter.

The spider just got done wrapping him up in webbing and then did a little touchdown dance and I think he just pulled out a Sharpie.

No, I'm not making any of that up, except the Sharpie part.

Hit the road, jack

2005-11-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

Yes kids, those rumors you heard were true -- I have accepted a job at FOXSports.com in Los Angeles and will be starting in a couple weeks. It is quite an exciting opportunity and I can't wait to get started.

I'd like to thank The Sports Xchange, for whom I've been working the past seven months. TSX is a great little company that is carving out a solid niche for itself at a time much of the sports journalism business is contracting and their future is bright.

Alas, this means Dave's World will be closing its doors soon. No one has told me I have to shut things down, but I'm starting a new job and want to give it my full attention. In the interim I'll check in when I can over the next week and we'll have our regular Football Thursday roundtable tomorrow and next week.

Now, I have a question or two for the peanut gallery: I'm going to be driving down I-5 from Seattle to LA soon. I'll be taking a few days to do so and stopping to visit a couple friends along the way. Has anyone out there ever done all or part of this drive? If I was going to stop somewhere along the way and spend an afternoon seeing some sort of place that I should see at least once in my lifetime, what would you recommend? Crater Lake? Redwoods National Park? Mt. Shasta? Tacoma? Drop me a line and tell me what you think.

Monday musings

2005-11-07T12:27:00.001-08:00

Pretty big development out here -- I am looking out my front window here at Dave's World HQ in West Seattle and see a big patch of blue in the sky. This is the first piece of non-grey sky I have seen in the week since I've come back from Boston.

I moved out here right around the time rainy season ended, so I forgot how dreary it can get here, especially right after you turn the clocks back and it is dark at 4 p.m.

So right now I'm going to head off and do what I call The Seattle Stare, where you stop what you're doing and look up at that rare patch of blue sky and ponder the fact you haven't seen the sun for weeks and probably won't see it again for another several weeks unless you jump into your car and drive to California or something.

*OK, I'm back. What an awesome finish to Kansas City-Oakland yesterday. When the second-to-last play got stopped at the one-yard line, I was all but screaming at my television for the Chiefs to go for the touchdown instead of a game-tying field goal, and I could care less either way about the Kansas City Chiefs. The best part of this is that it took about four seconds after the final play for Dick Vermeil to start crying. I know Dick Vermeil cries about everything, but it has been awhile since he's done so in the national spotlight. God bless Dick Vermeil.

*T.O. is back in the news, and … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz … *yawn* … what was I talking about?

*The New England Revolution are playing in Copa MLS? Am I reading this right? When did this happen? Here's my take on soccer: I love World Cup soccer. I love following the U.S. men's national team. Some of my fondest sports-viewing memories involve the men's national team, including the time my friend Chile (of Dave's World Chile's Corner fame) accidentally got us tickets in the Jamaican rooting section for the US-Jamaica qualifying match at Foxboro Stadium. Or the time Chile and I went to a Gold Cup doubleheader in Foxboro, and the El Salvadoran fans claimed the section we were sitting in as their rooting section for their match with Costa Rica, and I was unwittingly wearing Costa Rican red.

MLS? Not so much. The last MLS match I was at was a Revs-Burn game I covered for the Ft. Worth newspaper last fall. The last MLS game I attended as a spectator was a D.C. United-Revs game in April or May of 2004. There was a crowd of about 25,000 there to see Freddy Adu. DC scored on a Revs own goal about five minutes in and then spent the next 85 minutes clogging the midfield. It was as if they were making a deliberate attempt to turn off a huge crowd to the MLS product so that they never came back.

But, who knows? Maybe it has gotten better. I'll flagrantly jump on the bandwagon and check out the title game.

*Spike TV is replaying their Ultimate Fighting Championship special from Saturday night tonight. I missed it the first time out, but the buzz on the 'net is that this was one of the most exciting fight cards in mixed martial arts history. I'll be checking that out at least during the commercials of Pats-Colts. They are also re-airing the two-hour Total Nonstop Action wrestling two-hour special from last Thursday afterwards. I've been meaning to write about this for awhile now, but, in short, TNA wrestling on Spike gets two big thumbs up from Dave's World. True, the group has a fraction of the WWE's budget, but the product is infinitely better and they're starting to get a buzz as the in-thing in wrestling, with the WWE going the way of the hula hoop.

*Check this out.

CMLL live! (sorta)

2005-11-04T23:34:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, then. Since I have both no life and a nagging cold that is apparently never going away, I've decided it is time to do a live CMLL wrestling blog. By "live," I mean "show that I Tivo'd two weeks ago that I'm finally getting around to watching," and the shows being aired on Galavsion are five months old, but it is live to me. Here goes:

The show begins with a bang. Dr. X is putting his Mexican national welterweight title on the line against La Mascara.

I've done some research, here. The Mexican national weight class championships are actually controlled by the athletic commissions and not the wrestling promoters. They treat them like real sports titles, and only wrestlers actually from Mexico can hold or challenge for the belts. I kid you not. That's got to make for some interesting behind-the-scenes wheeling and dealing.

Anyway, keen followers of Dave's World's Mexican wrestling coverage (all three of you) may have noticed that never once have I bothered to mention the name of La Mascara, not even in passing. Why La Mascara is being given this golden opportunity to show he is the best welterweight in Mexico is beyond me.

In the time it took me to write that last paragraph, Doctor Equis has already claimed victory in the first fall. His submission move looked like a soccer team trainer stretching out a player's hamstring and appeared roughly as devastating, but, you know, I've never set foot in the ring at Arena Mexico, so I'm not going to question these gladiators.

So, Dr. X, who usually wears a menacing looking costume but tonight is dressed head to toe in white for some reason, recklessly careens into the turnbuckles to start the second fall, as LaM gets out of the way. I mean, I know Dr. X has a 1-0 lead and you want to put your opponent away when you can, but that was just a needless gamble. Within moments, LaM evens the score with a bizarre looking submission hold. Basically, La Mascara stands over Dr. X, hooks the Doctor's feet up to his hips, grabs his arms, and swings him back and forth between his legs.

One might logically ask, "Why doesn't Dr. X just drop his feet off La Mascara's hips and break the hold?" One can only assume Dr. X was in such blinding pain that he could not think straight.

Alright, time for the third and deciding fall. Back and forth action, but La Mascara gets the upper hand with a pretty cool headfirst dive through the ropes that has the announcer screaming "suicida!!!" over and over. LaMa applies the same move he used for the second-fall submission -- you'd think Dr. X would have looked to avoid this the second time around -- and within seconds, we have a winner. La Mascara is now the No. 1 welterweight in all of Mexico (so long as you ignore CMLL welterweight champ Mephisto and WWA welter champ El Hijo Del Santo) and has a snazzy new belt for his wardrobe.

*****

Next match, six-man tag. They didn't tell us who beforehand, so we'll just watch the entrances for now.

Oh lord. Here comes Heavy Metal. Heavy Metal comes out to the ring to Rainbow in the Dark by Dio. I'd quip "Heavy Metal is so old he's been using this song since Dio was popular," but Dio was never popular.

From bad to worse … next up is Mascara Magica. "Magic Mask" does not wear a mask. Perhaps the mask is invisible, and that's why it is magical.

And the final partner is Negro Casas, one of the all-time greats. This team is sort of like having David Ortiz surrounded in the lineup by Craig Grebeck and Ed Sprague. Which is probably Larry Lucchino's plan for next year, but that's for another day.

OK, the opposition … Hector Garza comes out first. Hector Garza is phenomenal. He's with the team of Halloween and Damian 666. Ehh. Halloween and Damian are decent performers, but they have a low-budget look and a 1997 NWO-type routine. If I wanted to bore myself with yesterday's news, I'd turn on Monday Night Raw.

So it is basically Casas vs. Garza and a bunch of extras. We're just going to fast forward to the end, here -- and a spectacular finish it is. Casas is laid out about two-thirds of the way across the ring, and Garza hits a moonsault, getting about as high in the air as I've ever seen anyone hit it. Metal and Magica are of course no help and Garza scores the pin.

*****

Now it is time for Momentos Estelares, which is sort of like SportsCenter's Top Plays. In order: Ricky Marvin, who looks like one of the British Bulldogs, uses a flying head scissors to knock Hooligan from the ring apron to the floor. That had to hurt. Incidentally, it just dawned on me that Hooligan has a union jack on his mask, so I think he is supposed to be a soccer thug. . . . La Mascara scored a submission over Dr. X in a tag team match. Man, there's a Patriots/Peyton Manning dynamic going on between these two. . . . Marvin lays out Virus with a dive through the ropes . . . Dos Caras Jr. whips Universo 2000 into the buckles, comes after him, jumps, and kicks U2K in the chin with one foot, then nails in him the back of the head with his other foot, all in one motion. Both kicks look like they landed way too hard.

*****

Wow … they are teasing a mano-a-mano matchup between Mistico and El Hijo Del Perro Aguayo later in the show. That is HUGE. That's like just suddenly mentioning "oh, by the way, in about a half-hour we'll have Ali fight Frazier" out of the blue.

The best tag team in the world, Ultimo Guerrero and Rey Bucanero, are talking to each other backstage. I don't speak Spanish, so I am going to assume they are talking about how their careers in the States will take off if Dave's World keeps writing about them.

*****

Match No. 3: Tiger Mask, Ultimo Dragon, and Dos Caras Jr. against Guerrero, Bucanero, and Tarzan Boy. Let's just take a look at the subplots here instead of the match itself:

*Tiger Mask is a sad sight. Real old-school wrestling fans might remember him as a huge star from Japan in the early 1980s, an innovative high flyer who made a splash in America. He was about 5-7 and 140 pounds at the time. Now, he basically looks like Mike Scioscia dressed up in a tiger costume. The 2005 version of Mike Scioscia. In his prime, TM used to spin kick his opponent out of the ring and then follow up with a lightning-quick dive. He tried it here, but it was sort of watching Paul Coffey play for the Bruins.

*Ultimo Dragon is a Hall of Famer. He's a Japanese guy who made his name in Mexico and has wrestled all over the world. He's Guerrero's original trainer, so there is a teacher-student undercurrent here.

*Dos Caras Jr., nephew of Lucha legend Mil Mascaras, is a legit mixed martial arts fighter. Unclear on whether he fights MMA with his mask on.

*Tarzan Boy's presence as Bucanero and Guerrero's partner usually gives away who is going to get pinned to end the third fall.

*And most importantly, the tecnicos are accompanied by Que Monito, the midget gorilla formerly affiliated with Shocker. Shocker, you may recall, took the coward's way out and jumped to the AAA promotion, where the competition is nice and soft for little babies who can't handle the rough-and-tumble world of CMLL. Que Monito, however, is a primate with an innate sense of integrity and loyalty who understands that jumping from company to company to company kills your reputation dead.

Surprise finish to this one … Dos Caras ripped apart Guerrero's mask, then dumped him backwards for a nasty German suplex and got the pin.

*****

Main event time. Mistico against H. del Perro. How do I explain the sheer huge-ocity of this match? Imagine going to the ballpark and getting a pitching matchup of Dontrelle Willis and Johan Santana; or Peyton vs. Brady in football; or better yet, Brady Q. vs. Matt Leinart. Here you have the two hottest rising stars in the biz, one on one, no six-man tag with partners to hide behind. The crowd at Arena Mexico --they just panned the building, attendance looks to be roughly eight billion -- is going absolutely nuts in anticipation.

First fall -- The highlight was Mistico doing this insane running dive out of the ring in which he grabbed the ropes, went head over heels, did a 720 degree twist in midair, and nailed Perro. Now, if there are still any wrestling nonbelievers out there, they're snickering and calling that an unrealistic fighting move, but I'll have them know I was once in a bar brawl and performed the same maneuver, doing the same twist as I dove over a table and hit my target. The guy never messed with me again; in fact, he ran home crying to his mama.

Either way, Perro rebounded to score the pin after his signature running double foot stomp to the chest. The slo-mo replay might make it appear to the untrained eye that Perro doesn't put much force into his stomp, but let's please be realistic here and not get carried away -- Perro just wants to do enough damage to win, not get charged with murder.

Second fall -- Perro kicks the bejeezus out of Mistico for about 10 minutes and rips his mask. But Mistico catches him napping and hits his finishing move -- a wristlock, an ironic touch considering the spectacularity of the rest of his offensive arsenal.

Third fall -- Too much action for ten reporters to cover, much less one humble scribe. The match, in total, goes well over a half hour and the crowd works to a fever pitch (not a Fever Pitch. That would imply the crowd is trite and overexposed). Time for the big finish -- Perro accidentally knocks veteran ref Bebe Richards out of the ring. Perro rips Mistico's mask off (revealing that Mistico has bleached his hair blond: why someone who wears a mask would need to bleach his hair is beyond me) and goes to pin Mistico. Local newspaper El Globo runs a "Perro defeats Mistico" headline. By the time Bebe gets back in position, Mistico, with his mask back on, kicks out at two and three-quarters. Perro goes to argue with the ref, and Mistico gets up and applies the wristlock for the win.

This very well might be the Dave's World Mexican Wresling Match of the Year . . . but we're not done yet. Mistico is angry. He grabs the mic, jibber jabbers about something, and yells "mascara contra cabello!" Even I know that means he just challenged Perro to a mask vs. hair match. Matches in which the loser has to either permanently remove his mask, or get his head shaved if he has no mask, are the ultimate in dispute resolution in Mexican wrestling, the Supreme Court of the ring.

Quite a show this week. I need a cigarette. And I've never smoked in my life.

Football Thursday

2005-11-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

OK, we're trying something new this week. Anyone who has tuned into this warped little site for the past six months knows that I love tweaking Peyton Manning, or, more specifically, the fact that the same voices in the national media build him up over and over and over again in an unprecedented manner for a football player who has constantly spit the bit when it matters most.

So needless to say, Monday night's Colts-Patriots game is about as big as regular-season games get in Dave's World. So we are going to have the entire gang pick a winner in the Colts-Pats game, which means a few games are going to get left off the board this week.

Also, joining the roundtable regulars this week -- Chris Forsberg, Dave Scott, and Shawn O'Neal -- is Boston freelancer writer extraordinaire Matt Kalman, who is a pretty good guy for a New Yorker.

Indianapolis at New England

SO'N: I don't watch the NFL. I know that this will shock those of you who trek to Dave's World weekly for the pittance of NFL knowledge I drop into your trembling, grateful hands. As a college football addict, I have an agreement with my wife -- I get to sit around and watch TV on Saturday in exchange for "honey-dos" on Sunday. My total NFL viewing this year was the final five minutes of Seattle's win over Dallas a couple weeks back, which commenced right after I finished pulling 16 bags of leaves off my yard. But even I'm going to watch this game. I mean, it's Peyton vs. The Pats -- the NFL's version of a train wreck in a tunnel. New England has no business winning this game, which is why the postgame presser will be all the more entertaining when it happens.

(Dave's World interjects: By "honey-dos," I think he means donuts).

DS: In case you hadn't heard the news -- and I know how the Theo Epstein stuff tended to drown out a bunch of worthy items -- we're currently riding a two-week undefeated streak. That's right, friends. Eight and oh over the past two weeks of this glorious football season.

It's getting so scary, that I'm picking aggregate goal finals from MLS and nailing them. Go Revs!

Oh, and as for the other football team that uses the pitch at Gillette? They'll be fortunate to keep it within 30. You think you've seen long plays from Denver and Buffalo? It's not unthinkable for the Colts to have scoring plays of 120 or 150 yards when you count add in the celebration yardage that Marvin and The Edge will be experiencing.

MK: I can guarantee at least one thing about this game (and this isn't one of those Patrick Ewing "I'm going to make guarantees until one comes true" guarantees). In Tuesday's Boston Herald, you'll find at least one or two well written, articulate, descriptive, informative, insightful and enjoyable sidebars about this contest, written by a Semitic ex-New Yorker with a broad intellect and a gift for making Lewis Black seem like he doesn't complain enough. That is, unless I get re-assigned to covering some Boston Lobsters off-season GM meeting or something.

Oh, and this just in! A Red Sox source says, "Theo Epstein was a pedophile priest in a former life." Remember, the source is unnamed and isn't a scummy lawyer who always wanted to run the kid out of town and take all the credit for the best three seasons of baseball you Chowdaheads who fill that rickety, warn out, smelly dump of a ballpark have ever witnessed.

Shoot, I'm supposed to pick a football game or something, right? Well every time some schmuck on TV or radio in print picks against the Pats, I turn to whomever's next to me (or just say to myself), "How the hell do you ever pick against the Pats?" 'Nuff said.

DD: I've spent many an afternoon or evening at Gillette working alongside Matt, usually with both of us doing sidebar duty for competing papers. Ah yes, sidebars. Easiest gig in the journalism business. Get there hours early, watch as columnists who used to rip apart Bob Kraft saw no problem with stuffing their faces with piles of Kraft's free buffet spread (and go back for second and thirds and fourths), then sit back and watch the game and take notes.

Then, file the following Pulitzer-worthy gem: "Deion Branch's catch was huge tonight. How huge? 'My catch was huge,' said Branch. Tom Brady agreed. 'Boy, what a big catch Branch had,' the quarterback said." And so on.

Anyway, common sense would seem to indicate the Colts should march all over the field on Monday night. But then, common sense never accounted for Grady Little leaving Pedro in the game or Florida State missing all those gimmee kicks against Miami every year. Indy will find a way to screw this up.

CF: As much as I dread hearing the Peyton Manning hype after the game, I want the Colts to win. "Blasphemy," you say? No, just keeping with
history. Look at the Pats' three Super Bowl runs. There's one
consistent theme: Late-season inspiration from a regular-season defeat.

In 2001 it was a Sunday-night loss to the Rams in Foxboro, a game the
Pats probably would have won if Antowain Smith didn't fumble at the
goal line. Fast forward to the Super Bowl where the Pats are
inexplicably massive underdogs and simply outhit the Rams for title
No. 1.

In 2003, it was the opening-day loss to the Bills and Lawyer Milloy.
Fast forward to Dec. 27 where the Pats reverse the favor with a 31-0
drubbing at the Razor that carries them through the playoffs and to
title No. 2.

And last year it was Pittsburgh, where the Pats lost on Halloween,
then atoned in January. That shoe should fit Peyton and Co. just
fine. Bonus points if the Colts have any sort of ridiculous
celebration after the win. I fully expect them to sip champagne in
the locker room.

Other NFL games

SO'N: Seattle at Arizona -- OK, maybe it's time to start taking Seattle seriously, at least as it pertains to the regular season. It sure looks like this team is going to run through the NFC West like any team of reasonable quality should. The Hawks are 5-2 (should be 6-1) and still have four games remaining with teams within their own, crappy division. That's why this game is among the most dangerous the Seahawks will play this year. Seattle just isn't good enough to roll past anyone and the Cardinals are exactly the kind of team that usually puts the Seahawks in proper perspective. Add in the fact that Seattle has next to nothing in the way of pass catchers and I'm taking the Cardinals.

Oakland at Kansas City -- He's got banged-up ribs and a pulled groin, but Randy Moss has to be loving life. For all those years in Minnesota, he was the bad egg. He was a guy with problems. He was a guy who smoked way too much bud. Think Minnesota would love to have Randy and his weed affinity back, now? Maybe not. The Vikings are sinking, but the Raiders are going nowhere in a hurry. and Kansas City is going there just a wee bit slower. About midway through the NFL season you start to see games that you simply know are going to mean nothing. KC won't catch Denver, but if the Chiefs are going to have any shot at the wild card, they must win this one … and they will.

MK: Giants at 49ers -- I want to thank Dave for the opportunity of a lifetime and also let him know that I had to turn down Letterman, Howard Stern and covering the Silver Lake-Cohasset field hockey game to sit down and write these picks. Now it's on to selecting a victor in the Jim Burt Bowl. You remember Jim Burt of course? The defensive lineman who played for both these clubs in a jersey five sizes too small so that the number looked like a bar code. His eyes were the size of saucers and he was famous for carrying his baby around on the sidelines after big wins –- no better place for a tike than an NFL sideline. BREAKING NEWS -– A Red Sox source tells me that Theo Epstein was seen on his way to this game, when he stopped and clubbed some seals at Fisherman's Wharf!!! I assure you the source does not have a law degree and isn't Italian and doesn't think he's better than everyone else.

In tribute to those poor seals, go with the Niners.

Detroit at Minnesota -- What better game for me to pick than one involving the best partying team in all of sports (including those South American soccer teams that sniff lines when they're not between them). I've read all the reports and still no sign of any midgets on that Vikings Love Boat. Sounds like I should give up this freelance writer gig and become a cruise director in the NFL. In all seriousness, I feel bad for these guys –- they've been persecuted for doing what every other team probably does in its own locker room and they were dumb enough to get caught. Damn, who hasn't drunkenly propositioned a waitress or two or three . . . well you know where I'm coming from. That's why the Vikings will win. And you know you want them to go all the way (pun intended) so Tagliabue can hand Tice the trophy and Tice get some Norwegian-looking honey to lapdance with it.

DS: San Diego at New York Jets -- This is a trick right? Doyle's given me the three easiest NFL games on the board and he expects me to fall flat on my face and ruin, what I affectionately am calling THE Streak.

Well it's not going to work: The Jets are awful, the Chargers are above average and there's no changing my mind on this one.

Chargers, big.

Pittsburgh at Green Bay -- Again, come on Doyle? You trying to mess with my psychological state? You must respect THE Streak just as Team UnderArmour must protect their house.

Brett Favre threw five damn INTs last week. Said Favre after the game, or so we'd like to think, "I just needed to get in the hands of some guys who could actually catch."

And let's give it up, while we're here, for Pittsburgh's QB coach, Mark Whipple and his Whiplash Offense principles that have helped Big Ben become who he is. Further, it gives us reason to mention that Whip brought home the Div. I-AA title for UMass. In the process he proved that Bob Marcum knows football coaching talent when he sees it.

It should be noted that Marcum also knew SID talent when he saw it, and often rewarded Shots with complimentary Rafters food because of it. What I wouldn't give for a dozen or so more free meals from Coach Marcum!
Steelers win.

CF: Atlanta at Miami -- The Miami Dolphins have a fight song. Yes, an NFL team with a fight song. So I couldn't pass up the opportunity to listen and neither should you. Go here.

Download and listen to a song that sounds like it might have been
concocted during the ho-down segment of Whose Line Is It Anyway? I
would give my right leg to see Ricky Williams score a touchdown then
have the Dolphins cue this track for celebration music.

Carolina at Tampa Bay -- Welcome to Tampa Bay, where the Buccaneers are going out of their way to prove that defense doesn't necessarily win championships. The Bucs are first in the league in total defense -- allowing 229.7 yards per game, nearly 24 yards less than second-place Baltimore -- while compiling a 5-2 record. But last week Tampa Bay allowed just 50 yards passing against San Francisco and still found a way to lose to one of the worst teams in football. Now that's impressive. But not as impressive as the Panthers' defense will look in flustering Chris Simms this week. Someone get Luke McCown ready.

DD: Philadelphia at Washington -- Had a pretty spirited discussion with my friend Chile (of Dave's World Chile's Corner fame) over several pitchers of beer at the Sunset Grill last week about the most overrated band of all-time. He argued in favor of Creed. A worthy choice. I, however, voted for the Stone Temple Pilots. I maintain that STP was created out of thin air on a drawing board somewhere on Madison Avenue when Nirvana and Soundgarden and Pearl Jam all got huge, and the suits decided they needed a new grunge act. Basically, the Eagles are the football equivalent of Stone Temple Pilots. They may have had a hit or two and they were the beneficiaries of huge hype, but when push came to shove they were just posers. Redskins win.

Houston at Jacksonville -- Is it just me, or does it seem like the Jaguars have been on the verge of becoming a serious contender for about four years now? And, is it just me, or is Byron Leftwich constantly playing hurt? Either that, or he is attempting to master the Steve McNair trick of waiting until the camera is on you after the play in a key juncture before you suddenly start limping and clutching your ribs. Easiest way to a co-MVP, right there. Tom Brady should take notes. Anyway, the Texans won last week, and clearly are on to the start of something big.

COLLEGES

SO'N California at Oregon -- It's been a tough couple weeks for Oregon. First, the Ducks lost three-year starting QB Kellen Clemens for the season to a broken leg. Then, Nike unveiled the new uniforms they plan to soon unleash on an unsuspecting world. See, that's the downside to being Phil Knight's personal crew of cabana boys. Yeah, everything's bought and paid for -- you included -- but you gotta wear stuff like this Cal, meanwhile, has some of the sharpest unis in the nation. It won't matter. Oregon's Dennis Dixon finally gets his shot to QB and Oregon doesn't lose again this year.

(Dave's World interjects: Great. Like it doesn't take long enough to edit, format, and post this piece. Not content to simply turn every pick into War and Peace, the guys are now adding links. Next week they'll be sending me polls and charts.)

DS: Miami at Virginia Tech -- This Baby Vick has me on the cusp of believing in him. But it's gonna take more than beating BC's brains in. He needs to come up big in this one and all indications are he will.

Tech is on a mission to royally screw up the BCS and we're joining that quest in earnest this week.

We all do the Hokie-Pokie to celebrate.

MK: Notre Dame at Tennessee -- Other than Charlie Weis coaching the Irish and the fact that everyone in Boston hates the Golden Domers, I know nothing about this game. So let me use this space to say something very important:

Need a sportswriter? Well, here I am. I work hard. I produce tight, clean copy on deadline and I'm versatile. I've worked for more than 75 papers across the country, covered the Boston Bruins beat for a month and been the editor of New England Hockey Journal (shameless plug for hockeyjournal.com). If you read this site and think you have a job for me, contact me at mkalman@aol.com.

(Dave's World interjects: I recommend contacting Matt via IM while he's on deadline).

And pick the Volunteers in tribute to Allan Houston, an underachiever in many ways, but the sweetest jump shooter in Knicks history.

CF: Wisconsin over Penn State -- Dave's World hasn't seem to catch on to the fact that I, the typical New Englander, know and care very little about major conference college football. So while we're waiting for Holy Cross to snap its recent skein, I'll hand off to my good buddy Eric Avidon -- a former colleague at the Sentinel & Enterprise and now one of the brightest young stars at the MetroWest Daily News -- with the breakdown on this game (keep in mind he's a Wisconsin alum).

OK, off the record, Penn State wins.

Whoops. Meant to post his 146 on-the-record words hyping Heisman
Trophy candidate Brian Calhoun. But I'd feel a lot better about
picking Penn State if their coach wasn't 146 years old.

DD: USC-Stanford -- Funny thing happened back in September: Stanford lost at home to Division 1-AA Cal-Davis. Mind you, Stanford won on the road at Navy, no small feat. But they were still "the team that lost to Cal-Davis." Then they went on the road and beat Washington State. I was there with Shawn. Shawn reacted to his Cougs' loss as if he was told he can't feed his infant son chew and Schiltz anymore. Then the Cardinal beat Arizona. Three straight road wins, and the Card was still "that lousy team that lost to Cal-Davis." Then Stanford outgunned Arizona State, a team ranked in the top 10 at one point this season. Still, "they lost to Cal-Davis." Then the Cardinal almost knocked off undefeated UCLA. You guessed it, "lost to Cal-Davis."

Even if Stanford knocks off USC this week -- which isn't going to happen -- it will still be "the team that lost at home to Cal-Davis."

Assorted football links

Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com picks from last week (updated on Fridays).

Dave's World Football Thursday 10/13

Randolph's Random Picks,

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks,

Email

Mayhem

2005-11-02T15:04:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard, Theo Epstein is no longer with the Boston Red Sox. That is a Dave's World exclusive, right there. I think.

Looks on this end like the Red Sox' Camelot period is over. The era that Sox fans spent their entire lives dreaming about -- where they win the World Series and surpass the Yankees in the process -- has come and gone.

And I'm not sure it is coming back anytime soon. The guy who plucked David Ortiz and Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar off the scrap heap; the guy who convinced Curt Schilling to pick the Red Sox over the Yankees; the guy who had the cojones to trade Nomar Garciaparra in a deal that addressed all the team's weaknesses; the guy who went out and signed a closer who got the job done after the lack of one led to their downfall in 2003; the guy who on paper should have been here for the next 20-30 years; he's the one who got shoved out the door.

The guy who is sticking around is the one who force feeds us Very Special Presentations For Wally The Green Monster and Red Sox nation membership cards and tries to sell us grass from the Fenway field.

Oh, and the guy who is sticking around is also the one that constantly pipes up and flings mud at everyone who leaves town -- from Pedro to Nomar and now Theo.

Can you imagine the Patriots acting that way? Can you imagine Jonathan Kraft running to a columnist last year and publicly dumping all over Scott Pioli right at the time they were about to announce a new deal? Of course not. Did people in the organization go out of their way to badmouth Ty Law when Law was running his mouth and calling his coach a liar? No. They would never consider behaving in that manner, and that is why they are constantly praised for being one of the classiest franchises in all of professional sports.

The Sox, on the other hand, now have no GM, assistant GM, have to either re-sign Johnny Damon or find another center fielder; likely need new first, second and third basemen; need to revamp the entire bullpen; and will likely need at least a couple new starting pitchers. And that doesn't even count the annual attempt to run Manny Ramirez out of town (I'll believe he actually requested a trade when I see either him or his agent confirm it).

What top-flight free agent or general manager prospect would want to hook on with the Red Sox after everything that just transpired? Especially if you know that someone looking over your shoulder in the office is going to eventually publicly trash you?

Anyway, Epstein can pretty much punch his own ticket from here. He did what no Red Sox general manager had done for 86 years. He has, by far, the strongest general managerial resume in the history of the Boston Red Sox. The 2003 team would have gone to the World Series if Grady Little hadn't made a catastrophic error; the 2004 team won it all; the 2005 team won 95 games and were eliminated by a World Series-winning team that went 11-1 in the postseason. The only more successful run in franchise history was when the team won it all in 1915, 1916, and 1918. Somewhere Theo will get both the money and the power he's looking for, no doubt.

As for the whole media three-ring circus, which every Boston sports related subject inevitably devolves into in a way that doesn't happen in most other cities, all that needs to be said is that the struggling Boston Herald won this battle in Super Bowl XX-type fashion. That about sums it up.

*Just a little private message for those of you who email or IM me to tell me that you don't like either the Sheriff Sully or Scott's Shots sites: Here are a couple ideas -- 1. Email them directly if you feel so strongly, or 2. If you dislike them that much, stop going on their site every day. Seems a reasonable solution.

*Alright, enough of that. Football Thursday is back on tap tomorrow. Time to look forward to Peyton getting his comeuppance yet again.

Hello

2005-11-01T18:33:00.000-08:00

Went home to Boston for a few days and caught a nasty cold. Compound that with taking the red-eye across the country and back, and I can barely see straight. Your body just can't do at 32 what it could at 20.

Anyway, once I come down off my NyQuil-induced semi-coma, there's certainly a lot to talk about.

Back from Iraq

2005-10-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

By Matt

I was walking through my local supermarket parking lot on my way to pick up some Pepsi the other day when I stopped mid-step.

Something felt odd.

The obvious answer might have been that I was in a parking lot a few blocks away from my apartment rather than a desert thousands of miles away. Another apparent answer would be that I wasn't wearing body armor, carrying an assault rifle, or getting shot at. But that couldn't explain what I was feeling.

Then, it hit me: The smell was missing.

As I walked through the wet parking lot on a crisp Northwest morning, all I could smell was the clean smell of autumn. There was no hint of burning garbage, or creeks made of decomposing trash heaps. I smiled, took a deep breath, and continued my mission.

I've had quite a few moments like this since my return late last month. Everything seems so different. I've felt like I've been living somebody else's life since I came home, like I'm living in somebody else's skin.

Take your life right now: Where you are, who you spend your time with, what you are doing. Imagine trying to revert to this life after a year of spending time with other people, thousands of miles away, often in the presence of danger.

It has been incredibly difficult trying to fall back into some of my old routines. Certain situations seem to bring these feelings out more than others. Whenever I've been in a large group setting like walking through the mall, or in a crowded bar, I've found myself being overwhelmed by the intensity of the sights and sounds.

Lately, however, it seems that I've found my groove. I've had quite a few experiences like my parking-lot epiphany since my return stateside, but even though it feels unnatural to be without the smell of burning trash and sewage water, I don't miss it at all. I'll take my Pepsi and my crisp autumn morning. It's good to be home.

Matt is a sergeant in the Stryker Brigade based out of Ft. Lewis, WA. He recently returned from a tour of duty in Iraq. During his tour, he wrote a series of dispatches for the site, linked below.

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Dispatches from Iraq 6

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

Saturday stuff

2005-10-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

*Snow in Braintree on Oct. 29. And people ask how I can put up with the clouds in Seattle.

*OK, someone is going to have to explain to me why, exactly, Theo Epstein has earned anything less than Brian Cashman money. Last I checked, he was the first general manager in the century-plus history of the Boston Red Sox to take the team to the playoffs three years in a row, and, well, there's the little manner of WINNING THE WORLD SERIES on his resume. He hasn't been perfect, of course -- I still want to bang my head off the wall when I think about the Sox letting Orlando Cabrera go and replacing him with Edgar Renteria -- but for each move like that there's been about a half-dozen masterstrokes like plucking David Ortiz off the scrap heap. The Red Sox are obsessed with competing with the Yankees in everything from on-the-field competition to television revenue. The Yanks, for the most part, treat their employees right monetarily. They certainly don't start off by leaking insulting opening offers into the press. If the Sox are serious about being the second superpower over the long haul in the game, they should stop acting like the Kansas City Royals when it comes to taking care of their own.

*Sat up in section 328 for the Bruins-Toronto game on Thursday. Good times. It was nice to see, about a dozen games into the season, that the Bruins finally got the memo that the rules have changed and they no longer need to play dump-and-chase on offense.

I don't know about the rest of you, but attending Bruins game for the past decade or so has been a perversely entertaining pastime, an experience unlike following any other team in the area, where I'll attend with friends, sit in the upper deck, and we'll basically act like those two old guys in the Muppets who sit up in the balcony mock the show and just make fun of the Bruins and their cheapness, then act presently surprised if they win. Typical line came from my friend Greg after Bill Guerin left town. That was the year they added the message board that runs the perimeter of the base of the balcony: "I bet the Bruins decided, 'we can sign Guerin, or we can get one of those color scoreboards that go all the way around the building!'" That sort of thing.

Anyway, the Bruins didn't give us much of a chance for such snark Thursday, and goalie Hannu Toivonen was a pleasant surprise, but I still don't see anything in this team that would indicate they're going to be anything better than the first-round stinkers that have marked the Joe Thornton captaincy.

*Not much to say about the World Series other than, obviously, the best team in baseball from wire-to-wire won. I'd hate to be in Cubs management this winter. Incidentally, that game in which Josh Beckett beat the Yankees in New York remains the last time a National League team won a World Series game. For some reason, that seems a whole lot longer than two years ago.

Football Thursday

2005-10-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

The first person I met in this business was Jeff Sullivan. I had just started as sports editor of the school newspaper at UMass Boston and Sully walked in looking for work. I assigned him a UMB men's soccer game. He submitted a story with two sentences that were so long that I broke them up into five paragraphs.

Since then, he'll be the first to tell you nothing has changed. And that's the thing about Jeff -- he doesn't care what he says, or what you think about what he says. Which makes his Sheriff Sully site one of the most interesting reads on the 'net.

Sully joins the gang -- Shawn O'Neal, Chris Forsberg, and Dave Scott -- for this week's picks.

NFL

SO'N: Chicago at Detroit -— If I'm a Detroit Lions fan -- there, by the grace of God go us all -- and Jeff Garcia isn't starting on Sunday, I'm an angry, toothless woman with unfortunate taste in football teams.
Here's the deal -- when you're playing in a horrible division and
you're leading that horrible division and you have an opportunity to
get an edge on the three other horrible teams in that division, it's
time to seize the day! Minnesota and Green Bay are not getting back
in this race and the Lions -- the Lions! -- have a chance to take this
thing by the throat. It's time to bench the piano-playing sissy boy
and go with the short bald guy.

Miami at New Orleans -- I'm surprised they're letting the Saints back into Louisiana considering that it now appears owner Tom Benson is
going to move the team from a city that endured one of the greatest
natural disasters in recorded history ... and then faced Hurricane
Katrina. The Saints were so bad for so long, I thought FEMA actually
had a field office in the Superdome. Maybe if the folks of New
Orleans are really lucky, the Hornets will decide to leave town, too.
Until then, the story is Miami coach Nick Saban returning to Baton
Rouge, where he led LSU to a national title. Ain't it great to have
these storylines? Otherwise it would just be Miami winning a game
between two awful teams.

Washington at New York Giants -- So, when do our boys at ESPN start pumping up the possibility of an All-Manning Super Bowl? For all I
know, it's already been suggested, but the talk will start getting
more frequent if the Giants win this one. For all the Manning bashing
that goes on around here, the younger Manning has been impressive and
the Giants appear to be legit — 3-point faves against the Skins.
Wouldn't it be great if Eli wins The Big One before his bro? It's
evil to root against a guy as much as many of us do against Peyton,
so here's the deal — I am not rooting against the man. I'm rooting
against his hype machine. Of course, as soon as Eli wins a Super Bowl
in New York, all the Peyton hype will look understated in its
elegance. Me? I'm picking the Giants.

DS: Green Bay at Cincinnati -- If one more Packer winds up on the injured list, GEICO says they'll send the duck in to cheer everyone up.
Wow -- by Game 16 we'll be seeing Mark Chmura and Bart Starr suiting up for depth-chart purposes.

"Boomer's Old Team" (the official way CBS indicates they are about to ask Boomer a mundane question about his Bengals) does the Ickey Shuffle all over Brett and the 4077th.

Minnesota at Carolina -- The only way the Vikings' story gets more twisted and involved is if last week's win over Green Bay somehow becomes a rallying point and the team runs off eight of 10 to finish 10-6.
Not even the scriptwriter who gave us Randy "Weed" Moss, Mike "Tickets" Tice and the Purple People Sailors could continue this melodrama.
Panthers pounce.

Jacksonville at St. Louis -- Now's a good time to brag about last week's 4-0 outing that marked the first (and likely final) time that we were perfect in our picks.

Why, you ask, is it a good time to toot my horn?

Because I have a very hard time picking a team that wouldn't allow its "other" head coach to relay plays in from his couch. We all know that watching from our own living rooms give us clairvoyance that no in-stadium coach would ever see on his own.

If this means the Pats are going to stop using my emailed suggestions for the Statue of Liberty play, then I'm going to have to petition Paul Tagliabue.

LET MARTZ COACH! LET MARTZ COACH!

Rams wins even without EmEm.

DD: New England at Buffalo -- Let's see, the Patriots won three Super Bowls on the strength of a management team that includes Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli. Pioli's contract came up for renewal last year. Now, owner Bob Kraft and his affiliates could have given Pioli a lowball offer and conducted a smear campaign to run him out of town, but instead they did the right thing and paid him what he was worth and re-signed him. There's a lesson to be learned in there somewhere as the Red Sox try to run the general manager that has taken the team to the playoffs three years in a row and won the World Series out of town. Anyway, Pats win.

Cleveland at Houston -- Right before the start of the season, some idiot with a blog brashly predicted Houston would be the surprise team of the NFL this yea. And that person was right -- I mean, who thought the Texans would be winless at this point? Oh, and they'll stay that way after Sunday, too.

Kansas City at San Diego -- I just got home to Boston for a few days. It was about 38 degrees when I got in. Even in Seattle, it is still about 60. This is the sort of weather that makes me wish I was in Southern California, so I may as well pick the Chargers.

JS: Arizona at Dallas -– If there were a statistic for most dumb passes thrown in a career, I mean, is there anyway Drew Bledsoe isn't the career leader? And while last Sunday's was bad at Seattle and the one against Jacksonville in the Jan. 1998 playoff was worse, nothing, not in a million years, will top the hook shot he threw while being tackled in the 2002 AFC Championship Game at Pittsburgh. The linebacker dropped the easy pick, but honestly, it has to be the worst NFL pass ever thrown. That said; Arizona hasn't won on the road since that Sunday when Scott Zolak was shooting imaginary guns at Indy. Cowboys win by two touchdowns.

Philadelphia at Denver -– Just when we thought the return of Ricky Williams locked up the award for NFL player that most resembles Bob Marley, Jake Plummer decided to enter the competition. He looks like a cross between a late 1970s porn star and a serial killer. Oh, and he still hasn't won a meaningful game since leading Arizona past Dallas in a wild card game like 10 years ago. The fact that Troy Aikman played despite suffering 14 concussions and Michael Irvin was comatose in a hospital may have helped the Cardinals that day, too. As for

Philadelphia, we're likely two weeks away from Donovan McNabb either throwing 100 passes in a single game or the Eagles propping him up like that guy from "Weekend at Bernie's" behind center. Let's take the Broncos in a close and ugly affair.

Tampa Bay at San Francisco -– Who the heck did the 49ers beat in Week 1? I'm going to actually look that up, be right back. … They beat St. Louis, 28-25. How did that happened? This team is horrid. Mark Brunell threw for 250 yards and three touchdowns in the first half last Sunday. And yes, that's the same Mark Brunell who died like three years ago. As for Tampa Bay, Chris Simms is starting at quarterback and as unfair as it is, anything less than 275 yards and two scores would be disappointing. Honestly, Doyle could throw for 200 and a score and his last playing days were as a reserve lineman on the BC High freshman team. Let's take the Bucs.

CF: Oakland over Tennessee -- With the exception of Stuart Scott, few journalists ever try to make the leap to professional athlete (and look how that turned out for Mr. Boo Yeah!). so it always amuses me when professional athletes decide they want to be journalists. Allow me to step aside and let former Titans tight end Frank Wycheck break down this week's game.

"There is never an easy week in the NFL, but when you play hard, good things will happen. The more work you put in, the little things will carry over and turn into big things."

Wow. Frank evidently visited the John Madden School of Declarative Statements before taking on this role. What else you got, Franky?

"If there is an advantage, it goes to the Titans because they're the home team."

That's deep, man... Raiders win by three touchdowns.

Pittsburgh over Baltimore -- Lest you believe that Frank Wycheck's analysis is the funniest read on a NFL Web site. There's simply no comparison for Brian Billick's Weekly Diary on baltimoreravens.com.

Seriously, can you imagine the other BB — Bill Belichick — sitting down to pen 1,300 words each week for the Patriots.com. And the Ravens wonder why they're 2-4.

Here's a sampling that got left on the cutting room floor.

"Dear Diary, what's up? Nothing much here. Ray and Ed are injured so we're like totaaaaaaly screwed this week against the Steelers. I so wish I could dump Anthony Wright, but there's no way I'm going steady with Kordell Stewart. I miss Kyle sooooooo much. And what's up with Jamal? I think he's, like, totally distracted after being in jail. Anyhow, I gotta run and study film. Hugs and Kisses, BB."

COLLEGES

SO'N: Washington State at USC -- At least for all matters of college football, can we stop talking about an East or West Coast Bias? It's
clear there is a BCS Bias ... and it always favors the Big 12. Since
that peg-legged whore of a formula was dreamed up, those dust-bowl
doorknobs have laughed themselves hoarse. First, Oregon gets screwed
out of a 2002 national-title shot in favor of a Nebraska team that
couldn't win the Big 12 North. You cannot play for your conference
title, but you can play for the national title? Makes perfect sense.
Then in 2003 Oklahoma loses its conference title game and still plays
for the national title ahead of Pac-10 champ USC. Last year, Cal was
set to do the Rose Bowl thing but Texas somehow got the late nod in
the poll and, to top it all off, Oklahoma again got mowed down in the
national title game while an undefeated SEC team got frozen out. Oh,
by the way BCS folks, we'd all be saying "one-loss Texas" had Jim
Tressel not soiled himself on national TV back in September. SC is
the real No.1 and will prove it come January ... probably against a
one-loss Big 12 team.

JS: Texas at Oklahoma State –- This one should be ugly. Maybe 70-14 ugly. The Longhorns have Oklahoma State, Baylor and Kansas remaining before an intriguing Nov. 25 tilt at Texas A&M. It's just hard imagining any of those games, even A&M, offering any resistance. As for the Big 12 title game, it's either Colorado or Missouri. So yes, the Longhorns will be playing for the National Championship. Their opponent is obviously likely USC, but we're telling you, don't look pass that Dec. 3 game with currently undefeated UCLA.

DS: Georgia-Florida -- Here comes the season's highlight for Rookie Gator Pope, Urban Meyer: A wounded Georgia team, without its quarterback, stumbles in undefeated and leaves bloodied, with a loss.

Meyer is, as ESPN informed me, 5-1 after scheduled bye weeks. And friends, there are few things worse than that dreaded, un-scheduled bye week. Like one that comes in April or June. Those are brutal.

Chris Leak isn't winning the Heisman but he sure could win a lot of Gator fans this weekend. And he will.

CF: Virginia Tech over BC -- I never like to travel under my real name, but I ran into a bit of trouble trying to secure a hotel near Blacksburg for tonight's game.

Me: "Hi, I'd like to reserve a room for Thursday, October 27. The name is, ahhh, umm, Don Mexico."

Receptionist: "Oh, hi Mr. Mexico. Do you wish to have the normal suite with adjoining room to your brother Ron's room?"

Me: "Ummm."

Receptionist: (whispering) "Don't worry. We've secured the finest weed and underage girls in the area for the post-game party. And we made sure none of the girls know about Ron's herpes problem."

Elsewhere, no truth to the rumor that BC brought in Doug Flutie to simulate the speed of Marcus Vick.

DD: Miami (Ohio) at Temple -- Actual email I got out of the blue from a reader on Saturday. I swear this is real. Apologies in advance for the bad language:

You are such a co**su**ing fa**ot. Nobody likes your blog other than your crack whore of a mother and your boyfriend. EAT S**T AND DIE MOTHER F**ER. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO SKILL AT THIS ENDEVOR.....STOP TRYING SO HARD YOU FILTHY PIG F***ER

My email in reply: Dad, how many times do I have to tell you Ma quit smoking crack last month?

Anyway, Temple's been getting beaten pillar to post this year whenever the Owls have been taking on top-flight competition. Sounds like they're ready to join the MAC. Oh, and this will be their first MAC win.

Assorted football links

Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com picks from last week (updated on Fridays).

Dave's World Football Thursday 10/13

Randolph's Random Picks,

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks,

Email

Chile's Corner

2005-10-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

WHY I ENJOYED THE 2005 RED SOX

By Chile Hidalgo

While watching Roger Clemens leave yet another postseason start in the early innings Saturday night, I found myself thinking about the 2005 Red Sox season. After letting everything simmer for a couple of weeks, I've decided that I'm happy with how the season turned out.

This may have to do with the fact that I was out of the country for the last three games of the regular season and the first two playoff games, and I can't imagine myself saying this if they hadn't won in 2004. But as it is, I have no complaints.

Think about it. The team's only legitimate top-of-the-rotation starter pitched one effective game as a starter all year. Their closer was so ineffective that at one point he changed his entrance music in an attempt to gain back the 4-5 mph that his fastball had lost. The bullpen, which was essentially the same bullpen with which they won the World Series last year, imploded.

The starting second baseman struggled mightily -- at AAA. Bill Mueller and Trot Nixon missed a ton of games with injuries. Johnny Damon hurt every part of his body and was consequently in and out of the lineup for big chunks of the last couple of months of the season. Kevin Millar lost his first base job to a guy who came out of retirement. And when Jay Payton forced the Sox to trade him, Boston was left with guys like Alejandro Machado and Roberto Petagine as their best options off the bench. I think everyone this side of Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz hit a combined .047 the last two months of the season.

In terms of player moves, their two biggest off-season pickups, Clement and Renteria, were busts (although Clement won 13 games and made the All-Star team. And you have to wonder how much getting drilled in the head affected him the rest of the way. And he won two more games than Pavano and Jaret Wright combined. So it could've been worse). They kept Varitek, but let Lowe and Pedro walk (although I don't think any amount of money or guaranteed years would have enticed Pedro to return). Wade Miller was as injury-prone as his history indicated he would be. Theo didn't have the same luck he had last year with his in-season moves -- even the one move that seemed to work (bringing in Tony Graffanino) gave fans heartburn after that Game 2 error. And of course there was the annual Manny--trading drama.

Now, I've just spent two paragraphs explaining some of the things that went wrong for the Sox. I'm sure you can think of another five or 10 things. Running into the White Sox in the playoffs, for example. Or Gabe Kapler's injury. Almost everything that happened to the team gave me a reason to give up on them. But this team won 95 games. They finished with as many wins as the Yankees. They made the playoffs and (forgetting Game 1) actually played competitively against the White Sox. Ortiz should win the MVP award. And boy, were they fun to watch. They gave you the feeling (at least before the playoffs) that they could come back and win no matter what the score. I went to I think six or seven games this year, and in three of them the Sox won in the bottom of the ninth.

I enjoyed watching this team play over the last 3 years. I enjoyed this season. I even enjoyed David Wells, who I spent most of the last decade actively disliking. I'd like to thank the team for that. Wait 'till next year.

Monday Musings

2005-10-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

*OK, do we need any more proof that the Bowl Championship Series needs to be scrapped? It has screwed up the national title game every year of its existence except in 2003, when Ohio State played Miami. Now we have BCS standings that claim Texas is better than USC.

That's right, USC has won 30something games in a row and is the back-to-back AP national champions, but the BCS computers tell us the Trojans don't deserve to be ranked No. 1.

That nod goes to Texas, whose only two wins of note are at Ohio State and at home against Texas Tech. Ohio State was a noteworthy victory, but not nearly as impressive a feat as it seemed in September, given how the Buckeyes season has panned out. And Texas Tech might have been the most overrated Top 10 team in history. I just took a peak at Texas Tech's schedule. Here are Tech's first three games: Florida International, Sam Houston State, and Indiana State. A first-year Div 1 team and two Div. 1-AA teams. Tech has also beaten sub-.500 teams in Kansas and Kansas State and a team that might go to a minor bowl if everything breaks right in Nebraska.

And you're telling me the BCS computers are more impressed with this than USC, which has beaten ranked teams in three of its past four road games and has only played two home games out of seven overall?

This is precisely why so many people snicker at college football, no matter how great the game may be on the field.

It could very well turn out that Texas is a better football team than USC. But here's the thing: We should find that out in the national championship game. Until then, unless the Trojans or Longhorns lose, USC and Texas should be ranked 1-2. In boxing, if you have a really talented top contender, you don't award him the championship before the title fight.

*Caught a snippet of the Indianapolis-Houston game yesterday, and couldn't help but laugh. Remember the Colts-Patriots playoff game in January? OK, I know all of Peyton's losses to the Pats blur together after awhile, but specifically, remember when the Colts had the ball deep in Patriots territory, and Peyton got whistled for illegal motion on an attempted direct snap to the halfback?

They did it again. Everything happened the same way. Peyton walked up to the line and put his hands under center, walked away and started gesticulating like he was calling an audible, the ball snapped, the flag was thrown, Peyton threw a fit and tried to tell the referees he knows the rules better than they do like he does every time the officials dare call anything against Indy, the penalty was called, and Tony Dungy again tried to challenge the call, even though such calls cannot be challenged. I can't make this stuff up.

Yeah, I know, the Colts are 7-0, with wins over the Ravens, Texans, Browns, 49ers, Temple, Idaho, and the St. Agatha's School for Blind Girls. Get back to me if Peyton doesn't gag when it counts.

*Let's see: Roger Clemens stinks out the joint in the playoffs and claims injury afterwards and Drew Bledsoe single-handedly cost his team a game with stunningly bad decisions in the clutch. The only thing that kept this from being a complete retro Boston sports nightmare weekend was that the Bruins didn't go up on Montreal early, blow the lead, then have the refs call 78 penalties on them in the third period. And that's already happened twice this month anyway.

*The Mexican wrestling revolution continues to grow in a modest but steady manner. I've been getting roughly an email per week from readers like Al in Rochester, NY:

Here's the funny part. I too watch the Mexican wrestling every weekend on Dish Network. My spouse thinks I am crazy. They can not understand why I would watch a show that I do not understand (imagine how US centric that is!)

I think that you missed Shocker on your list of wrestlers. Seems like he is king there.

I'm glad you mentioned Shocker, Al. As if it wasn't bad enough that AAA has apparently supplanted CMLL on Galavision on Saturday, Shocker is now affiliated with AAA. This is terrible. Imagine if Johnny Damon signs with the Worcester Tornadoes this winter. Same thing. I awarded Shocker the Dave's World Mexican wrestler of the year award, but the award may need to be rescinded. Especially since his midget gorilla manager did not make the jump with him. Quite frankly, it is like Garfunkel without Simon, Ginger Rogers without Fred Astaire. Do you hear me, Shocker? The midget in the monkey suit made you! Without him, you are nothing!

Anyway, CMLL was back on the air on Sunday, but still. When you get used to four hours per weekend of CMLL, two hours just ain't gonna cut it.

Black Saturday

2005-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well, this is just completely unacceptable.

I went to turn on CMLL wrestling on Galavision. And to my horror, I discovered it has been replaced by the rival promotion, AAA.

Imagine if you turned on your television tonight looking for Game 1 of the World Series, but instead found the Brockton Rox playing Elmira.

AAA is terrible. AAA doesn't even deserve to be called AAA. It is more like short-season Class A ball.

CMLL is populated by fierce gladiators who engage in mortal combat; valiant warriors who give their blood, sweat and tears in pursuit of glorious victory. AAA is a bunch of grown men prancing around in tights in a poorly acted farce.

As I type this, some awful Mistico impersonator dressed in gold is botching every single high-flying move he attempts. If Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka is watching this at home, he no doubt weeps.

If CMLL isn't back on the air tomorrow morning there will be hell to pay, believe me.

*****

So, went to the WHL game between Seattle and Everett at Key Arena last night, in which Seattle rallied from 2-0 down in the second and won 3-2 on a Ryan Gibbons goal with 1:38 left. Colorado draftee Chris Durand was the star of the night, with two goals and an assist on the game winner.

This is one bizarre setup for a hockey game. Key Arena is, well, I wouldn't go so far as to call it a dump, but it is certainly nondescript. The entire upper deck is draped off with black Carolina Hurricanes-style drapes.

Urban legend in Seattle has it that when Key Arena was remodeled, Ackerly, the billboard magnate who owns the Sonics, insisted the floor space take on dimensions far too small to fit an NHL-sized rink, out of apparent fear of competition. The city of Seattle went along with this plan, brilliantly depriving themselves a shot at another big-league tenant.

Now, whether the Ackerly part is true, I don't know, but the "too small for hockey" part is on the money. They have to roll up all the lower-level seating from the blue line and in on one side of the building to cram in a WHL-sized rink. So not only is there no upper-deck seating, but there is no seating on the lower level from one side of the red line and on. And on top of that, most of the people in attendance were sitting in the cheaper seats in the higher rows of the lower level, leaving big blocks of empty seats down low.

So I was expecting one of the worst hockey experiences ever, but turned out pleasantly surprised. At every other sporting event I've ever attended in the area, the people bring sleeping bags and pillows and promptly fall asleep for three hours.

But this was an actual hockey crowd, not a Seattle sports crowd, which yelled at the ref, knew the game they were watching, and actually got into it. Better yet, half the crowd was rooting for Everett.

So, after going to see the Mariners, Sonics, Huskies, Rainiers, and Sabercats (R.I.P.), I've finally found it: a Seattle sports crowd that doesn't slip into a coma during the game. Never thought I'd see the day.

Dave's World Post No. 200

2005-10-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

*Shameless plug for my friends named Dan, part 1: My good friend, standup comic Dan Sally, finally has his long-threatened website up and running at dansally.com. Dan's a funny dude. Check out his site.

*Shameless plug for my friends named Dan, part 2: Dave's World's favorite indy rock band, Boston's Neptune, just returned from their five-week tour of Europe. They're playing tonight at The Midway in Jamaica Plain. Oh yeah, the connection to Dave's World is percussionist Dan Boucher, who is one of those people who could bring the Dave's World Empire crashing down in a hurry if he chose to speak to a supermarket tabloid reporter. Dan's quoted at length in a piece on Neptune in this week's Weekly Dig.

*Shameless plug for my friends not named Dan, part 1: I couldn't help but notice, on Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com football picks, they now have his headshot up on the site. Even better, if you click on Andy's face, you get taken to a page with all his bylines, and even the opportunity to "bookmark this expert's page." Well, my life would certainly be enriched by Nesbitt's expert opinions. Consider yourself bookmarked, pal.

*OK, so far, I've gone 4-2 in my baseball postseason predictions. Both misfires have involved the Chicago White Sox. You'd think I'd wise up, but I don't care, I'd rather sink with the ship here -- I remain steadfast in my belief this franchise has not suffered enough for the sin of throwing the 1919 World Series.

Besides, what about the Astros? When I was a tyke, the Houston Astros were far and away the coolest franchise in baseball. They had the state of the art Astrodome, the Bad News Bears played a game there, and, indisputably among the under-12 set, the Astros' uniforms were hands-down the greatest in baseball. Probably similar to the way the kiddies fell in love with San Jose Sharks and Anaheim Mighty Ducks a generation later. The Braintree American little League had one of those deals where each team wore a major-league uniform. I was forced to wear a Reds jersey as an 10-year old, but when I was 11, I was on the Astros, and I think I might still have that jersey somewhere. Seriously, back then, I think if you had given the kids then the opportunity of picking the Red Sox or the Astros, most of them would have went straight for the Houston shirts.

Anyway, the Astros haven't been suffering as long as the White Sox, but they've had their share of teases and almosts as well. Those early-'80s teams played sound, fundamental ball; the franchise had the misfortune of having Mike Scott's peak year coincide with the 1986 Mets; and last year was tough, as well. Oh, and they've never thrown a playoff series.

Incidentally, Houston, you may recall, got off to a lousy start this year. If the Astros win the World Series, this will mark the fourth straight season a wild card team that made the right moves, gelled at the right time, played its best ball at the stretch, and was the hottest team coming into the postseason would buzz through the playoffs and cut down a team that got off to a strong start and more or less cruised the rest of the way. There's something to be said for that.

Oh, anyway, this might be one of the best-pitched Series in history, the way things are lining up. Dave's World is going with the Astros in six.

*Read this somewhere. Can't remember where. But, 4/5s of the 2003 New York Yankees starting rotation is participating in this year's World Series: Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Orlando Hernandez and Jose Contreras. Remember that one next time someone tries to pinpoint what happened to the Yanks.

*Ya know, I'm just not all that worried about the Patriots. Do they have an uphill struggle in their quest to get back to the Super Bowl? Yes. There has been a tremendous amount of upheaval. The coordinators left town. There were several on-field personnel changes. There were a ton of serious injuries, none worse than Rodney Harrison. And the NFL stuck them with possibly the most ridiculous six-week opening stretch in league history.

All things considered, 3-3 ain't so bad, especially when one considers that the AFC East sure looks like one of those divisions in which 9-7 could net you a division title. And, none of the three losses are in-division. The Pats are healing up this week, and basically get a re-start next week. I'm not going to crown them Super Bowl champs, but it doesn't seem a stretch to see them winning the division title at 10-6 and once they get to the playoffs, they tend to kick it up another gear.

*So if the amount of time you spend reading Sports Illustrated has gradually slipped over the past couple years from "I read it cover to cover every week," to "I sift through the fluff and get to the good stuff," to "Sometimes if I remember I'll skim through it on the can, but usually it goes straight to the recycle bin," I need to point out there's actually a reason to look at the mag this week -- the Leading Off photography on the USC-Notre Dame game is tremendous. Seriously, no jokes here. Award-winning quality.

*Back to life's most important topic: Mexican wrestling. CMLL's Super Porky, all 5-8 and 350 pounds of him, makes his debut on WWE Smackdown tonight. That's almost enough to get me to actually watch WWE. Almost. I'm heading out to the big Western Hockey League showdown between Seattle and Everett instead. That's Everett, WA. The only semi-pro franchise Everett, MA has is the high school football team.

Football Thursday

2005-10-20T01:20:00.000-07:00

In Dave's World's continuing efforts to shine the spotlight on the guys and gals in the newsroom who don't usually get to take a bow, this week's celebrity guest panelist is the intern -- the fresh-faced, eager-beaver college kid willing to be subjected to all manner of humiliation in order to prove himself worthy of The Sacred Honor of making roughly the same pay upon graduation as the guy operating the fry machine at Mickey D's.

And this is no ordinary intern -- this is Steve Sears, a long-running character in Dave's World and a co-op at The Boston Globe, which means, of course, he likely already has extensive experience picking football games. Steve joins the weekly roundtable -- consisting of Lindy's College Basketball magazine senior editor Shawn O'Neal, the Fitchburg (MA) Sentinel's Chris Forsberg, sports media critic Dave "his scoops don't count because he's only a blogger" Scott, and your generally frazzled West Seattle host.

On to the picks:

SO'N: Green Bay at Minnesota -- In another round of bad press for the Minnesota Vikings, coach Mike Tice arrived at his Eden Prairie office this morning to discover the team's headquarters picketed by some 500 members of the Greater Minnesota Fleshtrade Union. The demonstration was in protest of the Vikings' reported use of Atlanta hookers for their Lake Minnetonka orgy. "It's bad enough that in trading Randy Moss we lost several good-paying jobs a week," Guild president Stan Schoenfeld said. "But to outsource a job of this magnitude, well, Minnesota's hos take a backseat to nobody and it's time the Vikings supported the home team." In what was viewed as a gesture of good faith to the picketing sex workers — though was more likely a statement on his team — the soon-to-be-unemployed Tice said, "nobody blows like Minnesota."

Dallas at Seattle —- I picked Dallas to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl this year, largely because I know nothing about the NFL and have
a non-gay man-crush on Drew Bledsoe, who quarterbacked my alma mater to heights no Washington State Cougar had seen in many years. Yes, I'm talking about the late, lamented Weiser Lock Copper Bowl. Last year, Dallas pulled off a comeback in Quest Field that was among the most improbable of the season ... except that it happened against Seattle, which made it almost banal in its predictability. Now, with Bledsoe, Dallas won't need no stinkin' comeback. The Pokes are bringing the D these days and the Seahawks secondary was no great shakes before their starting free safety took up residence in the ICU. It's a big game, so naturally, the Hawks lose.

New York Jets at Atlanta —- You know what makes college football
great? In college, when you lose the first two QBs on your depth
chart, the third guy is often some pimple-faced freshman just a year
removed from high school. The possibilities are seemingly endless. In
the NFL you get Vinny Testaverde, presumably because Boomer Esiason
was busy. A week after he absorbed more hits than Whitney Houston's
bong, Testaverde will be back under center, but this time that center
will not be Kevin Mawae, who had started the past 177 games. Oh yeah,
Ty Law is probably out, too. The Jets considered simply not showing
up for this one, but since it's on Monday night they feared the rest
of the country might actually notice.

Steve S.: Buffalo at Oakland -- You may think I'm a lowly intern not worthy of picking games on the greatest blog in the world and you'd be right. But I have a lot of experience watching crappy high school football back in Cranston, R.I. And the NFL this year hasn't been much different. Everyone is at 3-3 or 2-3 it seems. For this game, the quarterbacks are Kelly and Kerry. That says it all. I was raised on the TV show Saved by the Bell which had a cheerleader named Kelly Kapowski. I'll go with the Bills.

Kansas City at Miami -- Patriots fans should know what a tough place this is for any visitor. The Fins have already downed the Broncos and the Panthers at Pro Player or whatever it's called nowadays. I don't see it ending up any different for the Chiefs. By the way, this game will have to suffice for Pats fans during the off-week. Well, the ones without satellite TV that is, which basically leaves me and MC Hammer. At least I get to see CSI: Miami promos for three hours.

(Dave's World interjects: Great. Now I have that Coke (or was it Pepsi) commercial in my head where Hammer takes a big swig of cola and then looks at the camera and pronounces: "Proper." Thanks for nothing, Steve).

Baltimore at Chicago -- Duane Starks played for Baltimore during its Super Bowl season. He scored a touchdown in Super Bowl XXXV. He joined the Cardinals in 2002. That should have been our hint. He is football's version of John "Way-back" Wasdin. I think Mama Cass (God rest her soul) could scorch him for a 70-yard touchdown at this point. I blame Baltimore. Da Bears will carry some of the White Sox mojo and beat the Ravens this week. (See, don't I sound like a veteran football commentator now? No mention of actual football-related information, just some bits of trivial info and some random references culminating in a pick with no real thought behind it. I'm just one of the guys now.)

DS: Indianapolis at Houston -- This is very good –- Doyle's got to insert a pithy Peyton factoid along with this pick so I can keep it short and sweet and his words will have to fill the quota. I mean really –- what can you say about a team that spots the Rams 17 points and then beats them going away? We're taking the Colts forever more until Marvin, Edge and P-Mann are gone. Including the next several Pats game. And now, for your Peyton potshot –- take it away Mr. Dave's World. . .

(Potshots, DS, potshots? No potshots here, just the facts. This week's Peyton Manning Fun Fact is that when you Google "Peyton Manning," "Patriots," and "interceptions," the hit count is 78,500, though it is unclear if that number reflects the number of articles which reference the terms, or Peyton's actual career interception count against the Pats.)

Pittsburgh-Cincinnati -- If I'm starting a fantasy football team today, I'm taking Tommy Maddox with my very first pick.

Here's my reasoning: I hate fantasy football. If I'm going to something I hate, I'm going to at least have fun with it. So I take the biggest train wreck on the board and petition the imaginary fantasy league's commissioner to include Maddox's game stats from last week so that I can prove my hatred of fantasy football to my entire fellow, fake, and fantasy friends. "See, here's his stats to prove it!"

Who makes two turnovers in overtime? I'll tell you who: My fantasy QB –- Tommy Gun.
Tommy Done, that is. Ben will be back and so will the Steelers.

San Francisco at Washington -- Does anybody know if the old San Fran PR guy, Kirk Reynolds, got a job yet? He was such a misunderstood genius. I feel for the PR guys like that -– constrained by the whims and agendas of politically correct dolts.

We're reminded of Reynolds as the Inners take on the 'Skins, because it was brought to our attention this week of just how fractured the relationship between Skin solon Daniel Snyder and the Washington Post has become. Give Kirk a week in DC and it would all be lovey-dovey, we assure you.

Skins win, by the way. And somewhere, Howard Bryant of the Boston Herald watches his future beat and wonders: They must ALL do steroids, huh?. . .

CF: San Diego at Philadelphia -- How would you like to be A.J. Feeley? You're stuck as the No. 3 QB in Miami, but you gotta figure you at least have a shot to earn a starting job being stuck behind Gus Frerotte and Sage Rosenfels. Then you get traded -— for a guy named Cleo Lemon, no less -— to back up Drew Brees and Philip Rivers, which guarantees you'll be holding a clipboard the rest of the year. Well, I guess it could be worse. You could be former Chargers guard Toniu Fonoti and get traded to the circus that is the Minnesota Vikings organization for a seventh-round draft pick. Roster moves aside, Chargers roll this week.

Denver at N.Y. Giants -- Denver quarterback Jake Plummer evidently has a thing for alliteration girls. Whether it's leaving obscenity-laced tirades on the voicemail of Rocky Mountain News gossip columnist Penny Parker, or dating Broncos cheerleader Kollette Klassen. And while we're here, is there a couple that's more cut out for the adult movie industry than Plummer and Klassen. I mean, she's already got the perfect screen name, while he's nicknamed Jake the Snake and even has the mustache to boot. Think they could work in a cameo for Rod Smith?

New Orleans at St. Louis -- When the Rams took a 17-0 lead over Indy on Monday night, I had this exchange with a friend.

Friend: "St. Louis looks like it might win one for the Gipper. Too
bad they probably hate the Gipper.

Me: "Yeah, I fully expect them to give this game away any second.
Indy still might cover the spread."

Sure enough, the Colts scored 42 points in about a 17-second span in
the second half. Marc Bulger looked like he wanted to physically
attack Jamie Martin at one point. Remember when this offense was the
greatest show on turf? No wonder Martz has heart troubles.

At least the Rams play New Orleans this week. America sure bailed on
the Saints bandwagon. It's just so difficult to root for a bad team,
homeless or not.

DD: Detroit at Cleveland -- If I was a 13-year old girl, I bet I'd think Joey Harrington would make for some sort of dreamboat perfect cuddly harmless boyfriend, the same way my sister fell in love with Joey McIntryre of the New Kids on the Block at a similar age. I am not, however, a 13-year old girl, and Harrington, as far as I know, is a professional quarterback, and when guys can see that a quarterback would look better suited to life in a boy band, that probably means there is trouble ahead. Like, when Joey has to face a Romeo Crennel defense. Or any NFL defense. Or a Temple defense. OK, maybe not a Temple defense, but you get the point.

Tennessee at Arizona -- Seriously, though, just how bad is Temple? I watched the first quarter of the Owls' game against Miami last Saturday because there was nothing better on. Time of possession: Temple, nearly 12 minutes, Miami, just over three. Score at the end of the first: Miami 27, Temple 0. Miami went up 34-0 in the second quarter and called off the dogs at that point, otherwise the final score could have been … well, Temple lost to Bowling Green, 70-7, so you can imagine what Miami could have done. Now, if you could take the "L" out of "Temple," an admittedly far-fetched task with this year's squad, and you get "Tempe," home of the Cardinals, the Temple of the NFL. Tennessee won't pull a Miami-Temple job on the Cardinals. More like a Western Michigan-Temple, which was a 19-16 Western Michigan win on the heels of a 12-game WMU losing streak.

COLLEGES

SO'N: USC at Washington -— After winning what many an observer has
breathlessly called "one of the greatest games ever," this would be a
prime spot for the Trojans to stumble. There's just one problem with
that scenario -- the Huskies are unspeakably horrible. Matt Leinart
could show up high, drunk, crippled, lobotomized and in drag and
still lead SC past the Huskies. Reggie Bush could wear flip-flops and
still break a couple of long runs. Pete Carroll could go mute and
still have more colorful things to say in the post-game presser than
Tyrone Willingham. USC's song girls could show up with armpit hair
and cigarettes dangling from their lips and still be hotter than UW's
cheerleaders. USC goes big, 42-7 ... and then the second half starts.

Steve-O: Northeastern at UNH -- Why are we picking a game no one cares about here at Dave's World? Because good old' Dave knows I happen to attend Northeastern and figures this is the extent of my college football knowledge. I live about two minutes from Northeaster's field and have yet to see a game. Anyway, all I know is the Huskies have given up about 3,000 points this season and are now playing Ricky Santos and the explosive UNH Wildcats. I've been to UNH once. I saw about ten arrests in three minutes. Crazy place. When all is said and done, UNH will score about 40-50 and win this one easily.

CF: Tennessee at Alabama -- Just how far has this rivalry fallen? Well, the "Third Saturday in October" game isn't even taking place on the third Saturday in October (the 22nd is actually the fourth Saturday). I feel cheated. I feel violated. But not quite as much as all the folks in Alabama who got snitched on by Tennessee coach Phillip Fulmer. One of these days the Tide are going to extract a measure of revenge, so why not the Fourth Saturday in October.

DS: Texas Tech-Texas -- No matter how good USC-ND was last week. And no matter how much Reggie Bush showed us in that bahnbuhner, we're still Vince Young supporters. His initials are VY and every Longhorn knows you can't spell Victory with out a "v" and a "y." And truth be told, I gave Vince the edge way back when the beach was still attracting more than dogs and seagulls. I've never been ahead of the curve on any Heisman candidate. One year, I actually thought a kid from Wyoming was gonna get it. Marcus Harris was the name. Never heard form him again after I left Laramie – and neither did the nation.

Vince is legit, though. Texas rolls from here on out. (Not including, as of this point, the pseudo-title game.)

DD: Rutgers-UConn -- Continuing with my little personal theme of awful college football, OK, so, is this year's Big East the worst so-called major football conference in history? (I said major. The MAC does not count.) Ponder this one: So some outstanding team ranked around No. 10 or so is going to end up shut out in the Bowl Championship Series picture, and as we head into late October, Rutgers is in the hunt for the Big East title and the league's BCS berth. Rutgers! Go ahead, say that in your best Jim Mora "Playoffs?!?!?!" voice: Rutgers?!?!?! And Rutgers is only marginally better than its usual three-month stinkfest this year. Now, all this talk is going to end when UConn -- which will serve as the model on how to go about making the jump from Division 1-AA to 1-A for about the next 50 years or so -- beats the Scarlet out of the Knights, but still -- Rutgers!?!?!?!

Assorted football links

Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com picks from last week (updated on Fridays), this time with the always-popular feature of angry reader feedback.

Dave's World Football Thursday 10/13

Randolph's Random Picks,

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks,

Email

Hello

2005-10-19T03:14:00.000-07:00

We're busy little worker bees over at the Dave's World hive. Football Thursday will be posted as usual tomorrow.

Oh, and, once again proving that Dave's World is ahead of the curve, Reuters ran a story on Mexican wrestling sensation Mistico, four months after I started babbling about him. Reuters! And you all thought I was out of my mind talking about this stuff.

(Late edit -- a reader informs me that Mexican wrestling is the subject of a story in the October issue of Vanity Fair. That makes Dave's World, Reuters, and Vanity Fair all attuned to the hottest thing in garbage pseudo-sports. Remember Dave's World was first when this becomes the biggest craze since Pac-Man).

Dispatches from Iraq 9

2005-10-16T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to say Matt is back from Iraq, safe, sound, and back with his wife and daughter. Dispatches from Iraq has been a rewarding experience for all involved, both in giving readers an unfettered firsthand look at what is going over in the desert from the perspective of someone actually over there; and in the passion in the email we've gotten from friends and family of military members, which has been overwhelming.

The series will continue in some form -- Matt and I have discussed the idea of putting things in a bigger perspective now that he is back home. If you've been making it a point to check in here every other Sunday, please keep tuning in and thank you.

We're going to run one more piece from last winter that we had on reserve in case anything happened where Matt and I were out of touch with each other for awhile. Matt takes a look at what some guys and gals over in Iraq will do to pass the time when things are slow:

We've been pulling our 24-hour guard shifts in Mosul again, only this time we're in a different building. I can never give many details about our operations due to security issues, so I can't really explain much about this building yet, except that it's drafty and has no heat. We guard the rooftop overnight in the cold Mosul air, and then come back to sleep in an even colder building. This is the setting for my epic Battle of the Makeshift Wood Stove.

In between shifts the other day, I went exploring the guard site and found a room filled with machine parts, tools, and wooden miscellany. One discovery was a medium-sized metal cylinder with two doors on it that looked a little like an old pot-bellied stove. My memory of a previous cold night here, my inner mad scientist, and more than a little boredom, started me on my goal of turning this rusted piece of metal into a virtual furnace.

I studied the piece thoroughly. It had four metal legs, and stood about three feet high. The body of the contraption was less than two feet tall and just a little more than a foot in diameter, split into two sections. The top section was larger and had a solid door, while the door to the smaller section had three, dime-sized holes in it. The six-inch diameter cylinder that hung beneath it was covered with small holes. I paced around it, ideas turning over in my head.

Keep in mind that the only real tools I had to work with were my Gerber multi-tool, a sledgehammer I found in the room with the stove-like apparatus, and my Lone Wolf Harsey Ranger knife.

The first thing I did was turn the contraption upside down. I figured the small cylinder would work well as the beginnings to a smoke stack, and the flat top of the large cylinder would make an excellent base. The floors were made of marble in this building, so I didn't have to worry much about keeping it off of the ground. I took some rebar, and using the sledgehammer, pounded it through the rusted top of the small cylinder. I put about ten holes in a circle and then busted through the entire thing with the sledge. I covered the cylinder with a piece of pipe, and -- voila! -- it was a smokestack. Now that it had a smokestack, it was a full-fledged wood stove, and that's how it will be referred to from now on.

I found some pipe joints, and used them to extend the smokestack out one of the windows. It was really coming together, or so I thought. I tightened the clamps on the pipe joints together with my Gerber, and started looking for fuel to test the stove with. I found some strange wooden frames covered in plastic mesh in the stove room, which I started splitting up in to kindling. I cut the mesh off with my knife, and broke the wood in to smaller pieces over my knee. I started a fire with some MRE matches and tissue, and it burned nicely.

The smoke wafted up through the smokestack and out the window. I wish that this were the end of my story.

Unfortunately, night rolled in, and the fire's light was entirely too intense to be tactical. It lit up the entire room, and silhouetted everybody and everything in it. The flames from the fire were also traveling up the smokestack. I let it burn out at my platoon sergeant's request, and went back to the drawing board. I was thwarted for the evening, but I thought long and hard the next few days before we had another stint on the roof. I needed something to cover it with that wasn't flammable and contained the light, but didn't block the heat.

I returned to the guard post yesterday, and found a hinged cap to put on the smokestack to hide the flames should they flare up as high again. I bolted it to the end of the smokestack and when dusk hit, I went about trying to contain the light. At first, I used scraps of plywood situated around the stove at a distance. I kept rearranging the plywood and adding wood to the fire to keep it bright when the stove's door fell off of its hinges. When I had turned the cylinder upside down, I hadn't noticed that the hinges were meant to be held together by gravity. As it was, they were held together by rust, and after opening and closing the door enough times, the rust gave way, and now I had even more light to contend with.

That and a really hot metal door. I gave up on the plywood, which wasn't working too well anyway, as the flames started to tickle it even at a small distance. I found a bent piece of metal that looked like some kind of cover, and used it as a grate in front of the stove. It worked well, but it reflected the light behind it. Had I had two such covers, I would have been set, but as my resources were limited I had to let it burn out yet again.

Later, while on guard, I noticed extra concrete blocks lying around, and I think they'll encompass the stove and diminish the light wonderfully. But by then, I had also come to the realization that you can only fit small kindling-sized pieces of wood in to such a tiny stove, and that those pieces burn extremely fast. I'd have to stay up feeding the fire to keep it burning, and that would defeat the initial purpose of making the room a warm place to sleep.

If the situation was any different, I may have given up, but having to spend a year until you return to your family and friends gives you a lot of time on your hands. The soldiers in my platoon read, play video games and cards, contact their families, and watch movies over and over… and over again. I've talked with "the guys" and for the most part, these are all things they only did in moderation back in the states. Their lives were too busy doing things with their families, working on their trucks, clubbing, etc. to allocate much time to these distractions. I'd personally give just about anything to be playing with my daughter, cuddling with my fiancee, or playing poker with my dad and his buddies right now. I can't really do any of these in the middle of Iraq at a guard post, so the "wood stove of woe" will still probably continue to be my way to make the time go by.

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Dispatches from Iraq 6

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

An All-Time Classic

2005-10-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a game. It is rare that a mega-hyped sporting event of any sort lives up to expectations; rarer still when the action far exceeds the talk.

USC-Notre Dame had it all. The No. 1-ranked, two-time defending national champion, on a 27-game win streak, on the road against the No. 9 team in the most famed intersectional rivalry in the sport, on the most hallowed field in the land. That's a lot to live up to, but it did.

The fourth quarter was absolutely off the charts. You knew when USC scored with 5:09 left, the Trojans hadn't put the game away. You knew when Notre Dame left 2:02 on the clock after regaining the lead, the game still wasn't finished. Even when USC lined up for a fourth-and-9 play deep in their own territory on the next drive, as suspenseful as the play was, you knew that somehow this game was going to come down to the final snap.

Then, as if the game needed any more drama, throw in the fact that if the Fighting Irish had not stripped Matt Leinart of the ball and knocked it out of bounds on the second-to-last play from scrimmage, time would have ran out and Notre Dame would have won. For that matter, if the ball had been stripped, crossed the plane, then gone out, it would have been a touchback and Notre Dame ball.

AND, do you think Pete Carroll maybe took mental notes that day over a decade ago when Dan Marino beat his New York Jets after a fake spike in the game's closing seconds? I know I fell for it when Carroll made the signal to down the ball, the whole stadium fell for it, Notre Dame fell for it. That was one of the gutsiest calls I've ever seen in my life. The Irish basically got caught napping. Excuse me while I take a moment to scoff at everyone who has ever mocked Carroll over the years.

Big as that play was, though, the gutsiest call was that 4th-and-9 audible called by Leinart to Dwayne Jarrett in coverage for a 61-yard gain while the Notre Dame Stadium crowd was making a ridiculous amount of noise. That goes right on the short list of the most clutch plays we'll ever see in sports in our lifetime.

And it sure seemed like Leinart was constantly being tended to on the sidelines during the second half, so he must have been playing hurt.

What a game.

Oh, and any AP voters that drop Notre Dame out of the top 10 after an effort like that deserves to have their ballot revoked. Rarely has a team earned esteem in a losing effort like the Irish did on Saturday. And boy is Charlie Weis going to have a monster recruiting season this winter.

Going into Saturday, I personally consider the following to be the five best football games I've ever seen in my life, in no particular order:

Super Bowl XXXVI -- The Patriots beat the Rams and join the Super Bowl III Jets as the biggest upset-makers in Super Bowl history.

Super Bowl XXXVIII -- The Patriots beat the Panthers in the sort of game the Super Bowl should be every year but rarely ends up as.

The Flutie Game, 1984 -- I don't even really have to give the details on this one, do I? Boston College's win over Miami on a Hail Mary was the reason why an entire generation of Bostonians think Doug Flutie is the greatest football player of all-time and will not engage in rational discussions on the subject.

BC beats Notre Dame, 1993 -- Same atmosphere as Saturday's game, except the underdog won this one.

San Diego 41, Miami 38, overtime, 1982 playoffs -- This was the game that hooked me on football as a kid. San Diego goes up 24-0 out of the gate. Miami ties it by halftime. 1,036 yards total offense. Rolf Bernirschke kicks the game winning field-goal 13 minutes into overtime.

Obviously, there's a heavy Boston bias here, which is why I'm calling this my own personal top five and not trying to claim this is any sort of definitive deal. I'm not sure this game will have the historical impact of the rest, but for pure excitement while the game was happening, it is not hype to call today's game one of the all-time greats.

Quick hits

2005-10-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

*There is a nice piece up on CSTV.com by Eric Hansen of the South Bend Tribune on Charlie Weis. The highlight of the feature is a behind-the-scenes glimpse at how Weis coped with getting passed over for an NFL gig and sat down with Bill Belichick to draw up a plan to land a big-time college job.

*Speaking of Charlie Weis, if you are anywhere but in front of your television on Saturday afternoon without a valid excuse and don't watch USC-Notre Dame, you basically get your right to call yourself a sports fan permanently revoked. As a famous guy says about 174 times per column, "I will not argue this."

*Congrats to one of the really good guys in the sportswriting biz, Craig Ball, and his wife. The couple had their first child on Oct. 13, a girl named Stefanie Dawn.

*OK, so I'm a little late to the party here, but I feel like I can still make LCS predictions since both series are tied at 1. The Angels will play the Astros in the World Series. Why? They just will, OK?

Football Thursday

2005-10-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

Last week, we had the guy who does the scoreboard page for the New York Post as the Dave's World Wiseguys Celebrity Guest Panelist. This time, we bring along another under-appreciated but pivotal member of any major sports page staff: The high school sports editor.

The city of Boston has two of the very best in the biz -- Bob Holmes at the Globe, and Jim Clark at the Herald, who capably fills a spot formerly occupied by Holmesy. Today, we welcome Clarkie aboard with the gang: Shawn O'Neal, Dave Scott, Chris Forsberg, and yours truly.

On to the picks:

SO'N: St. Louis at Indianapolis -- In deference to our (hopefully) medicated friend who wrote in, telling us all to back off Poor Peyton, I decided to dedicate this space to discussion of all national championships (at any level) won by The Great One. (Cue chirping crickets) Now that that's over, let's talk briefly about why it's so easy to poke fun at Manning. It's ESPN's fault. Really. The great myth-makers at the Worldwide Leader pump him up like Macy's Parade balloon and we're all supposed to climb aboard the Magical Mystery Tour bus with him, "T.O." and Kobe. Screw that. He directed the Tennessee band in playing "Rocky Top," but Tee Martin won the national title. In the NFL, he's Dan Fouts. He's Dan Marino. In other words, he's brilliant, but he's no Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana, Brett Favre, John Elway or, yup, Tom Brady. He's not a legend. Not yet, anyway. But, he wins big on Monday.

(And here's this week's Peyton Manning Fun Fact: Peyton threw four interceptions against the Patriots in the AFC title game in January, 2004. Afterwards, the Colts complained about the big, mean Patriots, so the league made special rules to make football easier for soft players who don't like getting hit. The result? The Colts scored three points against the Patriots in last year's playoffs. Maybe they'll ban football in bad weather next year).

New York Jets at Buffalo -- It's the Break-even Bowl, with one of these teams getting back to .500 for what figures to be the last time this
season. One of the most enjoyable phenomena for jaded sports writers is eternal hope: Mocking it, that is. Jets fans, for instance, seemingly think every year is "their year." It's kind of like a geeky sports writer thinking that the NBA dance team member jiggling about just five feet from him "wants it." Well, sports writers never get dance team members -- we don't even get their friend with the facial-hair problem -- and the Jets will again have to contact Mike Tice for Super Bowl tickets. Most Maytags are more mobile than Viagra Vinny, but I'll take him any day over J.P. Losman.

Clarkie: New York Giants at Dallas -- Ahhh, the legendary Parcells roaming the sidelines. Bledsoe throwing passes to Glenn. Meggett returns the punt for a score. Drew hits Coates for the game-winning TD. … Oops, sorry, I was watching my tape of that great Pats second-half comeback in the Meadowlands in '96. Hoping it would help me forget how much I hate the Cowboys. And how I hate even more that Boston viewers are force-fed the Giants every week, like anyone under 60 cares. But I might watch anyway. Maybe Tiki Barber will punch Keyshawn. Someone will win, probably 13-10.

Atlanta "at" New Orleans -- I'm a sucker for wacky stats. Remember that old one about a dome team never reaching the Super Bowl, which has foiled every "glamour" team in existence except the Kurt Warner-led Rams? Well, how's this for a juicy nugget? No dome team has ever beaten another dome team in a dome that neither technically calls its home field. Of course, I have no idea what to make of that. So I e-mailed my friend Rob, who has lived in both cities in the past year. His take: "Aaron Brooks sucks." Good enough for me. Pick: Falcons.

Carolina at Detroit -- Just noticed that DD gave me all NFC teams. I mean, how am I supposed to know anything about the Lions? They're on TV once a year, on Thanksgiving Day, when I'm going out of my mind trying to chase down the Bishop Stang-Greater New Bedford score. Does Greg Landry still play for them? Dexter Bussey? Thank goodness for the NFL Network On Demand mini-games. I just clicked on and watched the Lions thoroughly destroy Baltimore last week. Which means everyone thinks they've finally turned the corner. Which means they will get pounded Sunday. Some things never change. Pick: Panthers.

Dave S: Miami at Tampa Bay -- Cousin Dave (brother of Cousin Bill) lives in Tampa. I visited once and the most vivid moments of the trip were discovering Winky Wright and an inordinate amount of pressed Cuban sandwiches consumed. I believe there might have been an old-school WWF wrasslin’ match between Cousin Dave’s Son, Mikey and myself as well. Mikey could sure take a heart punch –- and he was like 4 at the time.

There -- 67 words and I still haven’t had to mention this game, which, for all we know at this time of the season, could be a Super Bowl preview. Or, it could be the audition tape for Florida’s third best team (after Florida State and Jacksonville).
Ricky’s back. Time for “puffs of smoke” jokes when he gains a few yards.

We’ll go with the Fins for the humor it will all provide.

Cincinnati at Tennessee -- Someone needs to explain the Bengals’ sleeve design to me. I get so focused on the swirls and merging black, Bengal stripes that I wind up missing half of each play. Carson Palmer’s swirls, in particular, had me nauseous this past Sunday night. And that was before any of the Sunday night sports re-cap shows had invaded the viewing room at the Seaside Shanty (The Sports Machine Can Not be Killed. Ever.)

That leads me to this: Is Eddie George still in the league? I seem to recall him being someone I enjoyed watching.

No more though -- now I’m swirled in to the ‘Gals. Go with the ‘Gals over the ‘Tans!

Minnesota at Chicago -- El Duque comes in just after the half, throws for three touchdowns, runs for one and kicks a field goal to account for all the meaningful scoring in the Bears rout. Chicago rejoices in finding their “Next Jordan.” He then returns to Fenway to kick dirt in the Red Sox faces just a few more times, before arriving in Anaheim to close out the Angels.

CF: Houston at Seattle -- I pulled the shortest straw, so I get to break down the Seattle-Houston tilt. So, um... yeah... how about that David Carr. Um... sure has been sacked a lot, huh. Um... I bet the Seattle defensive line is licking its chops right now. Um... man this is uncomfortable. Did someone turn the heat on in the room? So... Mike Holmgren. He um, he um, he won a Super Bowl, right? Yeah. Good times. Seattle wins.

Cleveland at Baltimore -- Hey remember when that guy Forsberg picked the Ravens to be in the Super Bowl? Jackass. Blah, blah, blah... Jamal Lewis is going to run all over people. How's that working out for ya?

But seriously, 21 penalties last week (one short of the NFL record) and two ejections!? "Passion, emotion and intensity are good, but they've always got to be under control," says Brian Billick as the inmates threaten to take over the asylum. And for the love of God, coach, stop letting Anthony Wright throw the ball 37 times a game. Give the ball to Jamal! It's the only way the Ravens win this week.

New England at Denver -- The Patriots jump out to a three-touchdown lead en route to a big win. But just when you think there's no reason to watch this laugher, the newly emotional Bill Belichick (the same one who threw his headset in the air after beating the Falcons last week) wanders over to a CBS camera, picks up one of those sideline phones and screams, "Someone call the National Guard because we are killing the Broncos." Which is immediately followed by a cut to the NFL Today studio were a flummoxed Shannon Sharpe stares blankly into the camera as Belichick flips him off.

DD: San Diego at Oakland -- I've had Going to California by Led Zeppelin in my head for no good reason all week. That doesn't help me pick a winner in this game, so I'm going to put all four CDs from the Zep box set in the changer and put it on random and see what comes up. Hmm. Trampled Under Foot. That might apply to the Colts whenever they play the Pats. The Song Remains the Same. Nope, we're not talking about the nonstop Peyton hype here. Hey, Hey, What Can I Do. Sounds like Peyton when he blames everyone but himself whenever the Colts lose a big one. Dazed and Confused. There we go! Could be a bad Randy Moss joke, could be what the Raiders will be after LaDainian runs all over them. (Or it could be Peyton after Willie McGinest hits him). Either way, take your pick.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh -- Imagine if Boston Bruins fans went around bragging all the time and acting like tough guys because of the Stanley Cups they won in the 1970s. And imagine they pointed with pride to the endless sea of division title banners hanging from the rafters, as though they actually mean anything in 20005. Basically, they'd be the hockey version of Steelers fans, who still don't grasp their day came and went a quarter-century ago, Pittsburgh is 3-1, so they're a win or two from popping off all over again. And the Steelers are going to win, Big Ben or no, so get ready.

Washington-Kansas City -- ESPN's John Clayton has declared the Redskins the real deal. The last proclamation I remember hearing from John Clayton was back in 2003, when he declared the Bills the best team in the AFC after they started the season 2-0. This was right around the time the Worldwide Leader decided to simply air nonstop screaming opinions 24-7 at the exclusion of everything else, and everything started blurring together unless it is particularly ridiculous, like the one about Randy Johnson winning 30 games this year, in which case you're not being remembered for the right reasons. Now where was I going with this before I started rambling? Oh yeah. So John says the Redskins are the real deal. Good enough for me. Also, Randy Johnson will win 40 games next year.

COLLEGES

Clarkie: Michigan State at Ohio State -- There is a guy who used to work for me who says he's a big Buckeyes fan … which is OK, except for the fact that he also seems to root for everyone else on the planet, as well. The other day one of his current co-workers relayed that he said, "I always liked the (St. Louis) Cardinals." Well, I hate the Buckeyes and the way they call themselves "THE" Ohio State University. Just like I loathe how others try to call my alma mater "UMass-Amherst." Sorry, but we're UMass, you're not. For one week, DD, you're outnumbered here. Pick: Michigan State.

CLARKIE'S BONUS HIGH SCHOOL SELECTION: Canton over North Attleboro -- I always wondered how cool it would make me feel to pick a team that should be a seven-touchdown favorite* to lose in print. I was hoping for something like Somerville over Everett, but alas, Everett is on a bye this week, which in 21st century Greater Boston League parlance is essentially the same thing.

(*Note: not an official point spread, though I'm sure one exists somewhere if you look hard enough.)

DS: USC-Notre Dame -- Wow. There’s so many Boston story angles to this one, it’s quite possible the Boston Globe will be chartering a plane to South Bend. Imagine the list of Globies that could find some plausible reason to be in the Home of the Irish for this one. Here’s the team I would send: Bob Ryan (column); Mark Blaudschun (gamer); Jackie Mack (scene-setter centerpiece for Sunday’s page); Ron Borges (the NFL angle); Bill Griffith (behind the production).

Overkill? Maybe. But this game has that potential to re-ignite some long-dormant college football flames beneath even this stodgy region. (Remember, ESPN started daily coverage from both campuses on Monday.)
That’s what the Globe can do: they can make a story important if they attack it the right way.

Oh, wait. This isn’t Scott’s Shots, is it? I’m lost. Sorry.
Take the ex-Pats HEAD coach for the win, but take the ‘over’ as well.

SO'N: Florida at LSU -- A typical early-season call to Urban Meyer's weekly television show: "Coach Meyer, I'd first of all like to welcome you
to Gator Nation. I have a 16-year-old daughter and would consider it immaculate conception if you would father her child. Also, do you think we will find success with the zone blitz against Kentucky? I will hang up and listen to your answers on the tee-vee. Go Gators!" The Gainesville honeymoon's not quite over for Meyer -- he can thank Ron Zook for that -- but let's just say the bags are packed and the
concierge is waiting for his tip. LSU rolls.

CF: Mass. Maritime at Worcester Stare -- Let me tell you, they just don't get any BIGGER than this! We've got a monster Bogan Division battle on tap as the Buccaneers travel to meet the Lancers in a New England Football Conference blockbuster on the turf at John F. Coughlin Field. I spent a couple hours breaking down the film on winless Maritime, and let me tell you, don't sleep on the Bucs. They've got a 5-foot-9, 185-pound running back with 4.8 speed that might light Division 3 on FIRE! The Lancers meanwhile counter with some freshmen that coach Brian Cullen assures me could have been Division 1-A players if Division 1-A coaches recruited talent based on the SPARQ rating system and not whether a kid actually has talent.

Yes, I knew the Bogan Division and team nicknames off the top of my head. What's it to ya? And in the interest of full disclosure, I'm marrying a Lancer, and just about all my good friends except Doyle dated a Worcester State girl at one time or another.

(Dave's World interjects: Well, there's a reason for this. I don't live in Worcester).

DD: Wisconsin at Minnesota -- So when I got to Idaho last weekend, the woman at the front desk of the motor inn at which I was staying informed me I was being bumped out of the room I had originally reserved. But she excitedly told me I was staying in the Jim Croce Suite. You had to see the JCS to believe it. It had red shag carpeting, a clear lamp filled with Christmas ornaments, and, indeed, Jim Croce once stayed in the room and autographed one of the walls. It was in this room that I learned that Minnesota won back the Little Brown Jug, the oldest prize in a Division 1-A football rivalry, when the Gophers (who will defeat Wisconsin) beat Michigan last week. Coincidentally, little brown jugs are what are used in Idaho in lieu of indoor plumbing.

Assorted football links

Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com picks from last week (updated on Fridays).

Dave's World Football Thursday 10/6

Randolph's Random Picks,

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks,

Email

Chile's Corner

2005-10-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

OBSERVATIONS FROM PORTUGAL

By Chile Hidalgo

My girlfriend and I just got back from a six-day vacation in Portugal.

Things that seem like they should be the same abroad as back home are just different enough to be disconcerting. Take coffee. You'd think -- or, well, I thought -- that ordering a cup of coffee would consist of me walking into any of the mom 'n pop-type coffeehouse/deli-type places that litter downtown Lisbon and saying something like "un cafe." As it turns out, though, "un cafe" gets you an espresso. I think. After two or three tries with "un cafe," and some guide book consultation, I switched to asking for a "bica." Turns out that "bica" is the Portuguese word for espresso. Nothing wrong with espressos, but they're frustrating when you want a regular-sized cup of coffee, people all around you are drinking regular-sized cups of coffee, you think you're ordering a regular-sized cup of coffee, and mom or pop sets an espresso down in front of you. About midway through day three, I resigned myself to espressos for the rest of the trip.

In theory, topless beaches sound like a good thing. After visiting one where about 20 percent of the females were topless, however, I've concluded that they're pretty stress-inducing and overall not all that exciting. Especially if you're there with your girlfriend. For one thing, toplessness at the beach is very democratic. There are no age- or size-based requirements. When I caught myself staring at someone, more often than not it was in horror and disgust rather than in admiration and appreciation. For another, constant vigilance was required to avoid any sort of girlfriend-related controversy. I don't think I've ever been as attentive to my book while reading at the beach. In addition, all comments made by the girlfriend about the outfits or lack of outfits of anyone on the beach required careful noncommittal answers. "Oh, that thong? I hadn't noticed it. My book is quite absorbing, you see, and I haven't looked up much." Finally, it's disconcerting to realize that someone you initially thought was a topless woman in actuality is a guy wearing a Speedo who has waxed or shaved various parts of his body.

It's always important to me to not look like a tourist when I'm on vacation somewhere. I managed that pretty successfully in Portugal, with the assistance of my black hair, brown eyes, and 5'4" frame. Although it required me to wear my Easy Street Records shirt for 3 days, I was able to avoid bringing any sports-related t-shirts on the trip. And my Spanish helped me fake enough Portuguese to initially fool people. Unfortunately, my being able to avoid looking like a tourist led directly to me being confused with a mildly mentally challenged Portuguese youth. It's one thing to handle easy comments like "dois Euros," it's another to have someone ask you to give them directions to the nearest subway station. When I found myself standing there with my mouth hanging open after the second type of question, I got more than one quizzical "what's the matter with this kid?" looks before I was able to muster a "sorry, turista" or "Americano."

Of course, looking like a tourist is something that not everyone cares about as much as I do. We were at a seafood restaurant one night when a very loud, very American group walked in. Perhaps the loudest of the group (not that the rest of them were in any way quiet), who was also wearing a cowboy hat, walked over to the fish/crustacean tank at the front of the restaurant, pointing at a couple of lobsters and hollering "I'm gonna eat me that lobster, and my wife, she's gonna eat herself that lobster." The waiter, confused, said, "This is good joke," then realized the guy was serious and walked off muttering to himself. Moments later, after trying the hot sauce served with his appetizer, the gentleman in the cowboy hat yelled, "yee-haw!" and "dang!" while shaking his head and generally making sure that everyone in the restaurant was aware of every one of his actions. He was pretty sweet. Then you wonder why Americans get such a bad rap abroad.

It's definitely much easier to find out about your teams dropping the first two games of a five-game playoff series or allowing 41 points at home by watching the CNN Europe sports ticker than by watching the games themselves. However, because the baseball scores only came up once every fourth or fifth ticker cycle, I know significantly more about the Australia vs. World XI cricket Super Series matches than I ever thought I would. I've also acquired a good understanding of the fixtures for this year's UEFA Cup, and the possibly non-existent disagreement between English national team players Wayne Rooney and David Beckham. On the flip side, as I kept waiting for the Red Sox score to come up, I wondered how, say, an English soccer fan on vacation in the US must feel watching the ESPN ticker and seeing the number of catches that Dallas' third wide receiver collected on the day while hoping that just maybe some Premiership scores might flash by.

A word on fashion: anything with seemingly unrelated English words strewn together goes over very well, one of the reasons why my Easy Street Records shirt went over very well. The best illustration of this was a skin-tight red spandex-y shirt worn by this middle-aged guy that said, across the front, "Houston University" and "Oklahoma," and then, diagonally and upside down between the names of the two schools, "CSM Sport."

The trip was fantastic and all, and spending a week seeing gorgeous buildings and castles and going to optionally topless beaches is awesome and all, but it's nice to be back. I definitely enjoyed the crap out of a cup of Starbucks coffee and the Globe sports section while wearing my Sox cap my first day back.

Previous Chile's Corner: Playoffs?!?!?

Good times

2005-10-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, Yankees Elimination Day, always one of the most joyous days of the year. Let's review the past five seasons as something to keep in mind in January when the Yankees make their annual signings of one washed-up starter and one mediocre starter who had a career year in his contract season, which will make all the usual suspects start screaming THIS OBVIOUSLY MEANS THE YANKEES ARE THE FAVORITES TO WIN IT ALL!!!!!:

2001: Up 3-2 in the World Series to Arizona and on the verge of a fourth consecutive title, the Yanks lose Game 6 by a score of roughly 73-0 and blow a lead in the bottom of the ninth of Game 7. It was one of the worst gag jobs of our lifetime, but it somehow gets spun that the Yanks actually won the Series because of Games 3-5.
2002: One round and out against the Angels.
2003: Lost the World Series at home with Josh Beckett on the hill.
2004: What happened in 2004? Trying to remember ... trying ... oh yeah, just the worst choke in the history of sports.
2005: Angels One-and-Out, Part Deux.

Had several people ask me yesterday if the email from Luther was for real. Indeed it was, folks. Dave's World reader The Bridgeport Bluefish about sums it up: Did someone actually complain that Peyton doesn't get enough props? And that's a new excuse that I hadn't heard before, the Pats beat the Colts because the Pats' O-line holds all the time. I mean, I guess it falls in the general "the Pats cheat and that's why they win" framework, but it's still pretty specific.

Chile's Corner will be posted tonight, in the meantime, a salient point from Chile that I'm clipping out of an email without asking him: Quick thought on the Yankees: their best pitchers in the regular season were Smalls, Chacon, and Wang. Smalls went what, 10-0, Chacon's ERA was like 2.5, and Wang was at least serviceable for most of the season. So of course the Yanks start Mussina twice and Unit once, keeping Smalls in the bullpen. Who was it that said that Torre's only ever going to trust his guys and never give anyone else a chance?

Monday

2005-10-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

Busy busy busy over here. Spent a pretty nice weekend out in Eastern Washington/Northern Idaho. Seattle types turn their noses up at the region, but they're missing out on a couple neat little college towns. The Washington State Cougars got spanked at home by Stanford in one of those games that expose a team with decent expectations as a pretender, but still a good weekend all in all.

Brand new Chile's Corner will be posted tomorrow. In the meantime, some quick reader feedback:

Luther wrote on Friday, before Tom Brady's 350-yard performance and Peyton Manning's latest serving of cupcakes and twinkies: You idiots who keep bashing Peyton Manning should take aim where its deserved. Tom Brady has won three super bowls behind an offensive line that gets away with more holding than all other teams combined. My grandmother could win games behind that line. We're seeing now what a chump Brady is, though... And how about Michael Vick? The greatest athlete since Michael Jordan??? Are you kidding me!?!?!?!? Talk about overrated, this guy is just a throwback to the bleak days before Knute Rockne invented the forward pass... Duh ... HE'S the poster boy for the NFL and I think its disgusting that a decent, hard-working quarterback like Peyton Manning constantly gets bashed just because he hasn't won the big commercial bowl... Give it up... Warren Moon was a great quarterback. Dan Marino was a great quarterback. Peyton Manning is currently the best in the business and you idiots who keep bashing him need to just shut up. Can you handle that? Can you shut the (expletive) up already? Thanks.

Tom wrote, as echoed by others: Hey, Tree Rollins bit Ainge, not the other way around...The headline read "Tree Bites Man"...you should have known this fact, shame on you.

Agreed, Tom, and we've fixed it. I'm surprised at myself I let that one get by. Though the idea of Danny Ainge biting someone is pretty funny.

Joe in New Hampshire writes, on the Red Sox: Well Dave, it's over and the world is beginning to return to "normal". The television sat unused and alone last night and my wife went to bed early; she's still shaking her head this morning. Perhaps today we'll add some black bunting around the "tube" and dress in somber clothes. We have lived to see the Sox become the World Champions but are now perhaps blessed that we have witnessed a truly unique event in sports that would only be diminished by a back to back 2nd win. The truely faithful will rise from last night's ashes and go on, the weak spirited will fall away. Eighty-six more years ... who knows, who cares! They will be back.

Quick Sox thoughts

2005-10-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I said weeks ago that if the Sox go down in flames, intangibles would spell the difference. Red Sox management is obviously in love with flavorless robots with good OPS numbers. This year's team lacked Pedro Martinez sticking someone in the ribs with a fastball when the opposition got a little too cute. The Sox lacked Derek Lowe's bizarre ability to shake off a bad start, or week, or month, and focus when it really counted. They lacked someone like Orlando Cabrera, whose stats-nerd newfangled numbers might have been lacking, but always seemed to have a knack for making the right play at the right time.

The Sox simply lacked the fire they showed last season and got steamrolled by the White Sox just about the same way Boston dished it out to the Angels in the first round last year.

So what does management from here? Yes, I am second guessing, but with hindsight, management misfired on almost every personnel decision they made last winter. It was as if they decided to let Harry Sinden and Mike O'Connell from the Bruins take charge. I can picture the conversation, too:

"Pedro Martinez? Derek Lowe? Who needs them? We can get Matt Clement and David Wells and save millions. Hell, we could put a helper monkey on the mound and Fenway is still going to sell out. Let's find one big-ticket item, we can sign that guy, what's his name? Edgar Lapointe? Marty Renteria? Whatever, just sign him."

So what do the Sox do from here? Getting rid of Manny Ramirez would be the worst mistake this team could possibly make. I don't care how many formulas they come up with showing that inserting Aubrey Huff or Mike Sweeney or Jackie Gutierrez in the lineup will produce similar results. There aren't going to be any more MVP arguments in favor of David Ortiz if he doesn't have Manny as backup. Period.

Management needs to go back to the drawing board with the majority of its pitching staff. And they need to give the youngsters time to grow -- Jon Papelbon, Craig Hansen and Manny Delcarmen are pretty obviously going to be something special.

Kevin Millar should never wear a Red Sox uniform again. Renteria, whose game-ending at-bats in Games 2 and 3 were utterly predictable, the Sox are likely stuck with.

Sox management also needs to end the party and get back to work. There was a big hangover effect this year. Forget about Red Sox Nation and selling grass from the Fenway field and making Very Special Presentations to Wally and all the nonstop self-congratulation and focus on baseball again.

Football Thursday

2005-10-06T00:20:00.000-07:00

In the newspaper business, the agate guy is like an offensive lineman. (For non-newspaper types, the agate guy is the person in charge of the scoreboard page in sports section). A good agateman (or woman) works in the trenches, does a valuable service, while the writers get the glory. Just like an o-lineman and his halfback.

Thousands of New Yorkers read Denis Regan's work on the subway just about every morning, but don't even know his name. Denis does the scoreboard page for the New York Post, and like anonymous agate standouts across the country, does outstanding work. We're pleased to have him join the Dave's World Wiseguys -- Shawn O'Neal, Chris Forsberg, Dave Scott and yours truly -- for this week's picks:

NFL

SO'N: Washington at Denver -- In the grill of LaVar Arrington's Hummer is an insignia that reads, "Quarterback Killa." These days he's more like a "Salaree Kap Killa" or a "Sideline Seat Filla." He doesn't fit, he doesn't play and as long as the Redskins keep winning, he doesn't get much sympathy. That ends this week. Washington just isn't that good, despite its three-game sweep thus far -- 9-7 (Bears), 14-13 (Boys), 20-17 (Seahawks). The Skins should have lost last week, but ran into a Seattle team that couldn't close the door on a coffin. They won't be so fortunate this time as the Broncos get tuned up for their showdown with New England and a possible 5-1 a start.

(Dave's World interjects: Once at SportsLine, we had a correspondent who referred to LaSalle basketball starter Donnie Carr's play as "subpar" about eight times in one file. So Shawn and I instantly christened his new official name as Subpar Donnie Carr, which he remained for the rest of the season. Not in the files, mind you, just to ourselves. Wonder what happened to Subpar Donnie Carr).

Seattle at St. Louis -- How did this game not end up tagged "Dave's World Doesn't Care?" Any game -- I repeat, ANY GAME -- that includes two teams from the NFC West should automatically get the tag and on weekends when all four of these horrible teams play each other, they should both get the tag and I should get a lighter workload. As it is, this is the easiest pick of the week. Here's the formula -- when Seattle plays on the road, pick the other guys. When Seattle plays St. Louis anywhere, pick the Rams. Hell, the Rams played 18 games last year, went 9-9 and beat the Seahawks three times. Rams' coach Mike Martz is having heart problems, but at least he has one. My one request -- let's just skip the symbolism and have Martz actually take Seattle coach Mike Holmgren over his knee at midfield. Unlike NFC West football, that would be worth watching.

Carolina at Arizona -- It hardly seems fair. Mexico sends us Salma Hayek and we reciprocate with the Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers? That had to get some laughs in the NFL offices. A transcript:

NFL Schedule Guy 1 -- "So, we want to play a game in Mexico? Who should we send?"

Long pause.

NFL Schedule Guy 2 -- "Well, we can't send the Raiders. Randy Moss will never get by the dogs."

Longer pause.

NFL Schedule Guy 1 -- "How about the Cards and Niners?"

Wild laughter.

NFL Schedule Guy 2 -- "Yeah, there's your free trade, for ya."

OK, but seriously, I appreciate Dave lobbing me these softballs. Josh McCown is going to make the Cardinals better, but they're still the Cardinals and until they quit losing their first three games of every season, nothing is ever going to change.

DG: Tampa Bay at New York Jets --- This season is the reason why Jets fans have therapists and suicide hotlines on speed dial. Before the season, the Jets added kicker Mike Nugent (rookie from Ohio State University), Ty Law (free agent signing from the World Champion Patriots) and traded for L. Coles. They fired offensive coordinator Paul Hackett and brought in Mike Heimerdinger, the brains behind the wide-open Titans attack. It was supposed to be Super Bowl or bust.

One thing, however, got in the way: Chad Pennington's fragile arm.

The Privileged Quarterback injured his rotator cuff last season in a loss to the Bills, missing a month of action. When he came back, Pennington was clearly not the same quarterback. Where once he could complete an eight-yard out, now he couldn't complete a swing pass to Curtis Martin.

The Jets backed into the playoffs when Buffalo rolled over for the Steelers' third-string in Week 17. Herm Edwards' crew beat Marty Schottenheimer's Brain Cramps in the Wild Card round, simply because of Marty Schottenheimer's brain cramps. They crapped out in the second round, thanks to Herm Edwards' clock management, Paul Hackett becoming more conservative than Bill O'Reilly and Doug Brien's inability to make a 40-yard field goal.

The underlying, underreported story was Pennington's lack-of-arm strength. A month after the Jets were eliminated, it was reported that Pennington had to have rotator cuff surgery. He had the surgery, missing most of training camp rehabbing his injured arm.

Pennington and Edwards proclaimed the quarterback ready to go in Week One, and he went ... straight down the toilet. He fumbled the ball six times and threw an interception against the always tough-as-a-newborn Chiefs defense. In Week Two, Pennington was marginally better against the AFL2 franchise known as the Dolphins, throwing for two touchdowns.

Week Three was the wakeup call: In the span of five minutes, the Jets lost Pennington and backup QB (along with Lon-guy-land native) Jay Fiedler to shoulder injuries; Pennington reinjured his rotator cuff and Fiedler was lost for the season with a dislocated shoulder.

Before the Ravens game last week, the Jets' front office called around the NFL, looking for a quarterback. They ended up with 12,000 year old Vinny Testaverde (representing all awful quarterbacks from Lon-guy-land ) and Kliff Klingsbury (who was good handing LaDanian Tomlinson the football at Texas Tech).

One of the teams the Jets contacted was Tampa Bay, asking for Brian Griese. The Bucs refused. On Sunday, the Jets are going to long for the days of Ken O'Brien. Bucs win.

(Dave's World interjects: The consultation appointment is free, pal, but any future Dave's World therapy visits will require a bill to your insurer).

Baltimore Ravens at Detroit Lions -- Joey Harrington versus a guy who allegedly had a hand in a double murder. I'll leave the pick to Dave's readers.

(Dave's World interjects: That's just terrible, DG. I'm flagging you for tauntin').

Indianapolis Colts at San Francisco 49ers -- The most overrated quarterback who hasn't won anything will throw for 350 yards and touchdowns, and the national pundits will praise him to the heavens. Talk to me in January, after he loses another playoff game in Foxboro. Colts win.

(The Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact segment is on hiatus until the Patriots figure out their defensive backfield situation).

DS: Cincinnati vs. Jacksonville -- I think this is really the icky shuffle: having to admit that Cincy is good again. Cincy shouldn’t be good in anything except college hoops and pumpkin ice cream from Graeter’s. And with our guy Huggy Bear now having WAAAAAAY too much time on his hands, the Bearcats are not likely to be bruising and battering their foes with any type of consistency.

So we’re left with the conundrum that is Boomer’s Old Boys: To love Carson Palmer or to hate him? That is the question.

This week, we hate him. Go Jags!

Tennessee at Houston -- Intrasquad game, eh? These teams have always been the same to me. That baby blue color inclusion, we suppose.

TANGENT TIME: You gotta love the Guest Guesser role Double-D has added into this mix. We get to see a lot of the behind-the-scenes or up-and-comers and the talent they actually possess. This week’s gourmet Gorman offering is just such an example. Guy works at the craziest sports desk in all the land and he still finds time to bludgeon the girlie arm of Bad Chad. I love that. It shows the heartbeat of the industry that we often overlook.

Holy crap! Self-referencing to a fellow picker in a picks column?
Scott’s gone overboard. Call the Coast Guard up at Hull’s Alerton Point. MAN DOWN.

Take the Oilers. Houston, that is.

(Dave's World interjects: The funny thing, DS, is that I've asked a couple folks back home if they're interested in joining our little circus, and they've declined. Around the rest of the country, well, the line to become a guest panelist here is sorta like the old line outside of Studio 54, and the assortment just as odd. But some are still stuck in the mentality that it is "wrong" to contribute somewhere like here, because That's Not How They Did Things Back When God Himself Handed Grantland Rice The Official Rules For Sportswriters. Around the rest of the country, the emails read "Hey Dave, this is pretty cool! Lemme know if you want me to pick sometime!").

New Orleans at Green Bay -- Somehow, this past Monday night, Brett Favre almost managed to save his Packers from their worst start since 1988. Almost.

And that 'almost' made the game a very sad one in the end. Because now Favre is 0-4 and his coach had to take the first 60 seconds of his post-game chat just to go down the rash of injuries his fellas had acquired on their visit to Charlotte.

The Pack ain’t back, the pack is sacked.

All of which means there will be no Favre come the latter days of January. No Favre gutting out a playoff win with some ridiculous drive under ridiculous conditions.

No, folks, THAT Brett Favre is gone for good, we fear.

And New Orleans will be the next team to prove that.

CF: Philadelphia over Dallas -- I recently bought my first home and while moving in I found an old autographed poster of Drew Bledsoe amongst some other sports memorabilia destined for our office. After a few moments of deliberation, I realized the dumpster was the proper destination for this antique and started towards the trash with it before my parents insisted I keep it (for both nostalgic and potential monetary reasons). Currently its collecting dust in my basement, which is appropriate since Drew and the Cowboys are likewise gathering cobwebs in the basement of the NFC East.

(Dave's World interjects yet again: Kid Forsberg is 25 and owns a house. I am 32 and own a blog).

Pittsburgh over San Diego -- New England beat Pittsburgh and San Diego beat New England, therefore Pittsburgh beats San Diego. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. But here's the thing. One quality team is coming off a tough loss, the other potentially quality team is coming off a monumental win. Prototypical letdown game for San Diego (see also: Carolina vs. Miami, Week 3). Let's just say that Pittsburgh's defense shouldn't be nearly as bad as the Patriots were this past week. I mean, Duane Starks was giving New England fans flashbacks to Maurice "Toast" Hurst, while Monty Beisel should be stripped of that No. 52 until he proves he can actually record a solo tackle.

DD: Chicago at Cleveland -- The White Sox scored their first home playoff win since 1959 on Tuesday. I'm 32. If I was a White Sox fan, it would be the first home playoff victory for my team in my lifetime. The same also holds true if I'm 42. If I'm 52, I might have it as a vague childhood memory. (Of course, if I was born Wednesday morning, I would have seen the first home win by nightfall, but that's another topic). That's solid dedication to your team, all 15,000 or so who have supported them over the years. (It is pretty easy to tell the hardcore White Sox fans from the rest, who simply put their Cubs gear in the closet, because the real fans are the ones wearing any of a number of hideous old White Sox uni designs). Either way, the White Sox are doing this at the Red Sox' expense, so I am picking Cleveland out of spite.

New England at Atlanta -- Hate to say it, but it sure looks like Boston's little gilded sports age is coming to an end this month. I'm not saying the sky is falling, but Boston experienced highs the past few years few cities have ever experienced, and the peak has passed. Though, not enough that the Pats can't rebound, like they tend to every time they're counted out, and beat the Falcons.

Miami at Buffalo -- I'm going to create my own brand-new curse right here: The Curse of Doug Flutie. Buffalo's last oustanding season came in 1998, with Doug at the helm ... until he was benched a week before the playoffs, and Buffalo lost the playoff game to the Titans on the legendary Home Run Throwback play. Since then, the Bills have been terrible and gone through one QB after another -- Rob Johnson, Alex Van Pelt, Drew Bledsoe, J.P. Loseman, etc. That's what you get for messing with Dougie. Miami rolls.

College

SO'N: UCLA at Cal -- Just when it looked like things were getting better for UCLA, the Bruins nearly needed their diaper changed against woeful Washington -- a mangy dawg of a team that would struggle to win many Division I-AA conferences. That's been the Bruins' MO under the effervescent one, Karl Dorrell, a recent graduate of the Tyrone Willingham/Bill Snyder Charisma Seminars, who always seems on the verge of something really cool, only to watch his team come undone against juggernauts like Wyoming. But Karl's a super-organized guy, so I'll just sum this game up with an entry form his Day Runner -- "Oct. 8: Get drilled by Cal."

DS: Georgia at Tennessee I -- Danny Ainge’s nephew is benched because he bites (or did last week anyhow), but NOT because he was bitten by a Tree.
Uncle Danny, you see, was bit on the finger by Tree Rollins and he never lived it down. Better to bite (slangily) than to be bitten (verb usagely) by a Tree.
Oh, and the game: Herschel Walker’s side –- Ainge will be back at Vol Control by the fourth quarter. And he can bite all he wants, the Dawgs are used to it.

DG: Georgia at Tennessee II -- Ah, SEC football. The teams. The fans. The rivalries. The programs mired in dirt. It makes one harken fondly back to the days of SMU and the 1980s and early-1990s Miami Hurricanes. Georgia wins simply because I don't trust Phil Fulmer to coach his way out of a room with the door open.

(Foul on Dave's World. I sent two guys the same game assignment. I meant to give one of these fellas Texas-Oklahoma. I'll blame it on the fact it is October in Seattle and the sun just disappeared until about May or so, which makes one think a winter in, say, Los Angeles might be nice).

CF: Holy Cross at Lehigh -- Holy Cross could be locking horns with USC this weekend and I'm picking the Crusaders. Growing up in the shadow of College Hill, I developed a love of football watching some very mediocre teams at Fitton Field (and this was when the Crusaders had scholarship athletes). But, to be honest, HC doesn't stand much of a chance in this one, especially on the road against the 10th-ranked Mountain Hawks. Plus it's never good when your top player -- Steve Silva -- has a better-know namesake who runs a Boston Red Sox fan site.

(Dave's World interjects: Kid Forsberg had an incentive clause in his Dave's World contract that required me to pick up the check next time we go to California Pizza Kitchen if I didn't give him a Holy Cross game by Oct. 15).

DD: Stanford at Washington State -- The first time I ever set foot in Idaho was three years ago. I was going to visit Shawn and his wife. Shawn had been spending years telling me Idaho is nothing like the stereotypes.

So I cross the state line from Pullman into Moscow. My cell phone isn't working. I stop at a gas station to use the pay phone and call Shawn. Before I could reach the phone, the very first person I spoke to in non-stereotypical Idaho was a drifter-looking guy who flagged me down and asked me if I had any chew. I didn't, as I never have, ever, in my life. He got angry and implied I was lying. I got in my car and drove away.

My point? I'm making Idaho trip No. 2 this weekend, and going to the Wazzu-Stanford game. I'll be bringing a tin of chew with me to ward off any potential further trouble with the locals.

In Seattle, the phrase "Coug-ing it" means to screw up. For example, the Cougs Couged it at Oregon State last weekend. But the Cougs won't Coug this one.

Assorted football links

Andy Nesbitt's Foxsports.com picks from last week (updated on Fridays).

Dave's World Football Thursday 9/29

Randolph's Random Picks,

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks,

Email

Thanks

2005-10-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

At some point today, Dave's World had page view No. 100,000. Thanks as always for reading, guys and gals.

Graf

2005-10-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

OK, based on early feedback on IM from friends back in Boston, sounds like everyone wants to strangle Tony Graffanino. Can we please, please, be better than this? It was a bad error, but it didn't cause five runs to cross the plate, nor did it cause the Sox bats to go silent pretty much after the second inning. Graffanino has been one of the few players out there over the first couple games who looks like he actually cares.

NHL: New rules, new system, new excitement ... same old Bruins.

Postseason musings

2005-10-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

*Been meaning to say for awhile that I love the Wheaties commercial in which a softball player with the beer gut hits a home run to the sound of Vin Scully calling Kirk Gibson's famous homer off Dennis Eckersley in the 1988 World Series. That just might get the nod for the Dave's World Advertisement of the Year right there. Which is appropriate, since we're giving out awards today. Here are the first annual Dave's World baseball awards:

MVP

American League: David Ortiz. We've discussed this before. No one in the American League has carried his team like David Ortiz. Alex Rodroguez isn't even the MVP of the Yankees. That should go to either Mariano Rivera or even Jason Giambi (The guy who admitted to steroid use, saw his skills deteriorate to the point that they asked him to go to the minors, then suddenly, exactly at that point, magically found his swing again. All by hard work. Really, they should make a Disney movie out of this. But I digress). I understand the general sentiment against voting a designated hitter for MVP, but think this is one of those occasional times a specialist has gone so far above and beyond that you make an exception, like the year Eck won.

National League: Albert Pujols. OK, I suppose this is "best player" more so than the strict "MVP," since the Cardinals are still pretty hot stuff without him, but again, my blog, my rules.

Cy Young

AL: Mariano Rivera. For two reasons: One, because there is no Pedro-in-1999 obvious choice this year; and two, he simply earned it. If you've been following along here, you've probably noticed my barely-concealed admiration for Rivera. I don't care if it says New York on his uniform, Rivera's a warrior and the way he battled back he was basically written off has been pretty amazing.

NL: Dontrelle Willis. How many years until he reaches free agency? Dontrelle was absolutely phenomenal this year. Plus -- and this has absolutely nothing to do with the Cy Young criteria -- he also batted something like .258 and was up to seventh in the batting order by September. That counts for something in Dave's World.

Manager of the year

AL: Mike Scioscia. Thought about giving this one to Joe Torre, but couldn't pull the trigger. That $200 million payroll thing is always going to go against him in these sort of situations, even though it isn't his fault. Scioscia guided the Angels through some rough spots, held off Oakland's charge, and is peaking at the right time.

NL: Frank Robinson. Tempted to give this one to Bobby Cox, since he led a team riddled with injuries and loaded with kiddies to another division title. But Robinson's team was basically the same bare-boned Montreal Expos as last year, and it wasn't as if they turned around and started spending a ton of money once they moved. Yet Robinson kept them in the playoff hunt in the best top-to-bottom division in baseball until near the end.

Division series

I'm not going to project all the way through the playoffs, here. Just going to deal with what is in front of us now.

Red Sox vs. White Sox -- The obvious theme is being beaten into the ground already: The Red Sox won for the first time since 1918, now is it the White Sox's turn to win for the first time since 1917????? I've said this before and I will say this again: The White Sox once threw the World Series. The franchise has not yet done enough penance for such a sin. Go back to your room and think about it for another 87 years and then maybe we can talk. As for the actual series, well, the White Sox really seemed to run out of gas on the last month and the only reason they didn't pull a historic choke is because Cleveland imploded in the last week of the season. Red Sox in four.

Yankees vs. Angels -- Could be the best matchup of the first round. Los Angeles has the most underrated starting pitching of all the playoff teams and seem to be peaking at the right time. Angels in five.

Astros vs. Braves -- Usually, the Braves play the role of "OK, I watched the other three games, I can skip this one," in the first round. But this year they're something different. They battled through a lot of injuries and all of a sudden, Chipper Jones and Andruw Jones come off like elder statesman. Houston has the best "you don't want to face these guys in a short series" rotation of all eight playoff teams with Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens and Roy Oswalt going 1-2-3. Hmm. I might have to take the "best matchup of the first round" away from Yankees-Angels. Houston in five.

Cardinals-Padres -- It is something like 29-0 Cardinals in Game 1 as I type this. Thanks for playing, San Diego, here's your parting gift.

Dispatches from Iraq 8

2005-10-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

The second part of a two-part post by Matt. Click here to read part 1.

There are official Army terms we use -- like cordon and search and traffic control point -- and then there are several unofficial terms.

One of these unofficial terms that we have been using frequently was one that we can't use in polite company. So, for now, we'll call it a cluster, which conveys the same meaning.

Clusters refer to situations that either show no signs of organization, or have completely gone to hell.

It is used in a sentence as such: "Who planned this cluster?" Tonight's mission was a complete cluster. Somehow between the time the intelligence experts received the imagery of the site and the time that the mission had been finalized, the imagery had been flipped and reversed. What should have been a precision raid, instead looked like it was going to turn in to a neighborhood search and overall goose chase.

Thankfully, that isn't the norm, but that fact didn't make the situation less inconvenient.

We sat there in the vehicle for about an hour while the guys cleared buildings. To kill time, we talked about the night's mission, the performance of the Iraqi soldiers on security detail around us, and different rumors we had heard about the deployment.

Then, the vehicle just died. "Dude, you gotta be kidding me," I pondered aloud. I PMCS'd* it before we left." I have this theory that when the Army prepares a vehicle for desert service, they paint it beige and consider it ready. Then, they wait until it is having inevitable air filter and overheating problems, and modify the vehicle accordingly. This puts a lot of responsibility on the soldiers for maintaining said vehicles.

I did what I could before the mission to prepare our Humvee for the night's activities. I had gone through all the standard maintenance checks, filled the fuel tank, and made sure Luke had the gun ready. The warm night didn't seem like enough of a catalyst to cause vapor lock, but we had had overheating problems before. On one instance in particular where we had to get it towed back to FOB Courage, I brought our vehicle to Courage's CRT**, and the mechanics showed me a quick fix for the vapor lock we were experiencing.

If I could pour some bottled water on a certain part of the engine, it would cool down enough to continue the mission. The problem with that was that it took two men to open the front of the up-armored Humvee's hood, and with Luke manning the gun in our over-watch position, I was the only soldier that could dismount until the rest of our crew returned.

So, I did what anybody else would have done in the same situation: I tried to start the damn thing and hoped for the best. "Zhh-zhh-zhh-zhh-zhh-zhh-ZHH-ZHH-ZHHHHHHHHHH Guhguhguhguhguhguh." "YES!" I blared over the headset. I used the hand throttle to raise the idle a bit higher than normal. "Should be okay now," I sighed. I wiped the sweat off my brow and eased back in to conversation with Luke.

It was another few hours before our guys returned and we loaded up with the ING. The mission had continued without any serious incidents, but also unfortunately without finding the night's target. Dana hopped in to his seat and put on his headset, "Anything exciting happen while you guys were shamming*** in here?"

"Nah, nothing interesting," I replied, hoping the darkness of the Humvee's interior would hide my goofy smirk. We followed the Strykers out of the target area, and a few songs later, we were back at Al-Kindi. Another night, another successful mission.

*Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services
**Combat Readiness Team
***Sham (v.) to get over; to have it easy "Look at Matt … shamming again."

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Dispatches from Iraq 7

Dispatches from Iraq 6

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

No dice

2005-10-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amusing how eager some folks have been to try to put the "loser" tag back on the Red Sox, as though the past year never happened?

Let's clear up a few things here:

*The Red Sox are still the defending World Series champions.
*The Red Sox will finish the season tied atop the A.L. East standings with the Yankees, ending New York's string of outright division titles at seven.
*The Yankees are still the perpetrators of the biggest choke in the history of American team sports.

Sorry, but even if the Sox don't win the Series this year, even if they lose to New York in the ALCS this year, everything doesn't revert back to the way things used to be. Nice try, but the rules have changed forever.

Flutie

2005-10-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

Got a surprise phone call from a childhood friend with whom I had not spoken in years. Someone with whom I went to grade school, played whiffle ball, went fishing, watched the Sox, the whole deal.

Rough transcript of part of the call:

Cal: Flutie's back on the Pats.
Me: Can you believe that? All those years and he's still playing.
Cal: Remember playing football in your back yard? It would always be:

"I'm Flutie!"
"No, I'm Flutie!"
"No way, we won last game, I call Flutie!"

Me: Then the loser would say "yeah ... well, fine! I'm Grogan!!!"
Cal: No one ever said "I'm Eason!"

The whiffle ball equivalent was that everyone wanted to be Dwight Evans, and second choice was Jim Rice. Don't recall any votes for the RemDawg.

The Yankees won the division last year, too

2005-10-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Scattered thoughts ...

*First off, I'm watching USC at Arizona State as I type this. I was trying to put my finger on what seemed strange about the situation, then, finally, it dawned on me. The game is being played in Tempe. We're conditioned to seeing the place half-empty for Arizona Cardinals games. So this is what Sun Devil Stadium looks like when the place is full.

*As for the Red Sox, well, what can you say? Even if you add up all the little things that went against the Sox today -- like the non-call when David Ortiz was hit by a pitch, which took a run off the board when he was then retired and Manny then blasted a home run; and that ridiculous non-call when the second base umpire decided the infield grass is part of the baseline -- the Sox still lose this one pretty handily. Boston has let so many chances slip away this year that it doesn't deserve the division title. I have to admit I fell asleep and missed when all of a sudden ties were broken by head-to-head record in baseball, but, whatever. It would be fitting if the Sox won on Sunday and the two teams finished tied in the standings, since chances are these two teams will be hooking up again in a couple weeks anyway.

*If Curt Schilling doesn't come through Sunday, he better shut his trap for a long, long time. It is quite possible if Schilling did a normal rehab through the minor leagues coming back from his injury like everyone else instead of using real live major league games in a pennant race to get back into shape, then the Sox already have the division clinched and this weekend is meaningless.

*If you respect the game of baseball, you tip your cap to Mariano Rivera for coming back the way he did after he got written off the first week of the season -- by the Sox fans who gave him a good-natured razzing and the Yankees fans who booed him out of the Bronx alike. This year has convinced me once and for all that Rivera belongs in the Hall of Fame.

*Cleveland's game log since last Sunday:

Sun -- KC L
Mon -- Off
Tue -- TB L
Wed -- TB L
Thu -- TB W
Fri -- White Sox "B" squad L
Sat -- WS 'B" L

What's my point? If the Indians miss the playoffs and anyone starts that tired whine about big market vs. small, tell them to can it. Cleveland had command of the wild-card race, and had, by far, the easiest path of any team in the playoff hunt this week. If the Indians beat the 105-loss Royals last Sunday they'd at least be tied for the wild card right now. No one to blame but themelves.

*Next installment of Dispatches from Iraq goes up tomorrow.

Hello

2005-09-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

Had plans for a big weekend preview post today, but had Internet connection trouble all day.

Hey, so did you see A-Rod take it upon himself to go calm down Chien-Ming Wang, uninvited, all of two batters into the first inning? I'm sure it was completely spontaneous. I imagine we should expect such "unplanned" histrionics that demonstrate A-Rod's team-leading capabilitites all weekend long, whenever the camera is on him. Like, if a brawl breaks out at any point (which you can never rule out), once things calm down he'll be standing behind Joe Torre and gesturing and making "hold me back!" motions.

Football Thursday

2005-09-29T00:11:00.000-07:00

The Dave's World Football Thursday guest panelists just keep getting better and better. This week, I'm pleased to welcome Bart Wright aboard. Bart is currently the sports editor at the Greenville News in South Carolina. His previous stops, among others, include Sportsline.com; the Tacoma News Tribune; the Miami Herald; and the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

The panel, as always: Shawn O'Neal, Dave Scott, Chris Forsberg, and yours truly.

Flagrant plug for one of the Dave's World Wiseguys: Tune in Friday to Scott's Shots, on the Boston Sports Media Watch site, where Dave Scott will have a rare, in-depth, no-holds-barred interview with Bill Simmons. No matter what you think of Simmons -- and there's quite a diversity of opinion out there -- he was the innovator for using the Internet to make your name in the sportswriting world.

On to the picks ™:

NFL

SON: St. Louis at New York Giants -- Mike Martz always has been considered one of the league's more paranoid coaches. Apparently, for good reason. Without naming names, a St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist opined that Martz shouldn't have to deal with "backstabbers" within his own organization. Just to clear things up, St. Louis director of football administration Samir Suleiman called the columnist to say that "I'm not a backstabber, I'm a (expletive) throat slasher and he'll know the difference before It's all said and done." Now, football's version of The Sopranos gets to visit North Jersey in a battle of the worst 2-1 teams in the NFL. The real travesty here is that one of these dogs --- probably the Giants -- will be 3-1.

Buffalo at New Orleans -- After making the Saints play a home game in New York -- suppose they would have done the same thing in Phoenix? -- the Saints have received a couple of inadvertent scheduling breaks. They blew it last week, making the Minnesota Vikings look like an actual NFL team, but they get another chance this week against another team having its problems. The Bills have a QB named JP and an offense that's SOL. They also have a rushing defense that seems to be waiting around for Takeo Spikes to make every tackle. The Saints like to think of themselves as a power running team, so here's their chance to prove it.

Denver at Jacksonville -— What's with Jacksonville DL John Henderson? The man whose pre-game ritual includes having the Jags equipment manager slap the piss out of him now is charged with doing the same to his girlfriend when she refused to have sex with him. Only first he kicked down her door. Was this supposed to get her in the mood? No matter, these things never cost anybody actual playing time and as long as Byron Leftwich keeps dragging himself out onto the field, the Jags' offense should produce enough to let the defense win games.

Bart: Green Bay at Carolina -- This is going to be the saddest story of the season, watching the Packers decline deeper into irrelevance around Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre. OK, it's only football, we all get that, but what the front office has allowed to happen in Green Bay will take a few years to remedy. An old guy like Favre needs more support than ever to maintain production and he has less than ever. The Panthers usually recover from the stinkbombs like the one they let go in South Florida last week. Jake Delhomme will play well again, home team wins.

San Francisco at Arizona -- I wasn't on the Dennis Green Coach of the Year bandwagon at the start of the season, only because this franchise is so historically horrible I couldn't see it turning around in one season with Kurt Warner as its quarterback. Still, they have to better than they've played in their first three games. For as poorly as they've played, they are surely a better team right now than are the 49ers who were stripped of talent two years ago for Dennis Erickson. Yeah, I'd believe anything in this one in terms of an outcome -- you can never expect much from teams this bad -- but the most likely result is that the Cardinals find a way to win.

Detroit at Tampa Bay -- I have in my possession a ticket from a Las Vegas sports book that will pay me 25-to-1 should the Lions reach the Super Bowl, so for reasons connected to personal finance, I very much want to see Detroit win every game the rest of the season. If only want were connected to belief. The Bucs are edging their way back into the picture with a running game that is revitalized, a quarterback (Brian Griese) and a receiver (Joey Galloway) a lot of people dismissed as irrelevant for perceived failings in the past. Here's the thing -- what people think others should be is almost never an accurate reflection of what people really are. Griese and Galloway will make plays in this offense, pinwheeling off a rookie running back's contributions. Bucs win, probably by much.

Dave S.: New York Jets at Baltimore -- You’re kidding, right? Ray Lewis vs. a back-up quarterback? At home? Or maybe Lewis vs. Vinny T after Brooks Bollinger goes down to continue the New York Hexed Jets miserable march of the injured penguins? The J. E. T. S. Jets-Jets-Jets!!! could have gone after Rohan Davey (who the Cards signed on Tuesday) but instead thought Vinny in Jersey made more sense. That doesn’t say much for Rohan, does it? Listen, we don’t give many money predictions –- and there’s certainly no money back guarantee with this one. But if you really have the need to throw your Benjamins around, do it on this game and take the Ravens with all your might.

Dallas at Oakland -- You know you’re rooting for Drew so go ahead and admit it. Repeat after me: I always liked Drew and I still do. See? Don’t you feel better? It’s okay to love the dearly departed. It’s an odd phenomenon for us Bostonians, I realize. But it’s perfectly natural to wish old friends well. Which reminds me -– how did Pittsburgh get so angry at Josh Miller that they needed to boo the kicker in pre-game intros? Booing the punter just seems so very wrong. Raiders realize that Randy Moss is on their team now and throw to him a league record 98 times – in the first half. Moss catches most for a 232-8 win.

CF: Indianapolis at Tennessee -- You can almost hear the Colts' players trying to bite their tongues when talking about how dangerous a healthy Steve McNair is. Sure, a healthy McNair might have meant problems as recently as two seasons ago. Now? Not so much. I keep waiting for him to break a hip trying to scramble out of the pocket. Anyhow, root for McNair if you don't want to be force-fed useless stats like Indy would be only the second team in the post-World War II era to limit its first four opponents to single digits. Dave's World should be interjecting a fun fact about the Patriots domination of the Colts right ... about ... now.

(And here's this week's Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact!!! Your NFL MVP had been held without a touchdown pass in five of six halves so far this season.)

Minnesota at Atlanta -- There's a high school in Fitchburg, Mass. called Montachusett Regional Vocational Technical School (or Monty Tech for short). Nicknamed the Bulldogs, the school's colors are (for no apparent reason) purple and yellow. Opposing teams can't help but chuckle when they see the Bulldogs take the field in their less-than-manly purple unis. The point here? Evidently you don't have to be in high school for teams not to take you seriously when you wear purple and yellow. The Vikings are a train-wreck waiting to happen under Mike Tice. No wonder Randy Moss and Onterrio Smith smoked so much weed.

Philadelphia at Kansas City -- Have you seen the episode of "Bands Reunited" where Aamer Haleem tries to reunite Extreme? There's a scene where one of the band members tells VH1 to tread lightly with guitarist Nuno Bettencourt. Instead, they ambush him at a sidewalk cafe and, of course, he flips out and refuses to get back together. This reminds me of the Philadelphia Eagles. Everything is fine now. T.O. might be off in his own little world, but why rock the boat? Well, someone's going to mess it up and this Super Bowl reunion isn't going to happen. (In a related note, have you heard Franky J's cover of "More Than Words." There's bad, there's awful, then there's this cover. I mean, we all know Nuno didn't exactly love the song, but to destroy its legacy like this should be punishable by law).

DD: Houston at Cincinnati -- Back in the day, Shawn and I were semi-regulars at Tacoma Sabercats hockey games. One night, the defending league champion 'cats were playing, … umm, I dunno, maybe Fresno. We were getting refreshments between periods. Laid out on the Tacoma Dome condiment table was ketchup, mustard, relish, onions -- and the Taylor Cup, the prestigious championship prize the league founder humbly named after himself. "Why would you put that there?" Shawn asked. "Obviously," I mused, "when you put too much stuff on your hot dog, you're supposed to scrape your extra ketchup and mustard into the Taylor Cup. It is a league tradition." Shawn spit his Mountain Dew all over the table. What bearing does this have on the Bengals-Texans game? None, I just like telling that story. Cincy wins, easily.

(Dave's World adds: As I was putting this together, one of the ignorant screamers on ESPN proclaimed "these are not your father's Cincinnati Bengals." Actually, if you're a kid today, your father probably remembers when the Bengals played the Niners in the Super Bowl twice and were usually playoff contenders. So these really sort of are your father's Bengals. Now, they're not your older brother's Bengals, maybe.)

Seattle at Washington -- So I was at the local sub shop a couple days back. While I was waiting for my order, I leafed through the newspaper and noted that Chuck Knox was being inducted into the Seahawks Ring of Honor. "What must one do to get a spot in the SROH?" I self-queried. Then, I got my frequent sub consumer card stamped, and I got my answer. Right on the card, it said "Buy eight sandwiches, and get a free medium sandwich OR get inducted into the Seahawks Ring of Honor." Chuck must really like his steak 'n' cheez.

San Diego at New England -- Man, not only are the Patriots playing a stretch of four out of five on the road, but the only game at Gillette Stadium in that period goes head-to-head with the Sox and Yanks at Fenway in the season finale. As for the game, well, it really doesn't matter because it is all a "system" and anyone can do it, right? Really, anybody can step behind center and engineer a million fourth-quarter combebacks and win a bunch of Super Bowls. Doesn't matter who it is -- you could plug in Tom Brady, Marc Wilson, Tommy Hodson, Jeff Carlson, or Tom Ramsey, and they'd still win, because it is all a "system." Oh, and I suppose Larry Bird won those NBA titles because of the Celtics "system," too. Wayne Gretzky and those Cups? The Oilers "system." Patriots win. Obviously.

NFL standings after week 3: Chris F., SO'N 7-2; Dave S. 3-5; Dave D. 2-6.

COLLEGES

SO'N: USC at Arizona State -- Top 10 excuses given by those who did not vote USC No. 1 in major polls:

10. Bowl eligibility jeopardized by winning NFC West.
9. I won't mess with Texas.
8. Dozed off, missed second half of Oregon game (Mr. Bellotti's excuse only)
7. Magic Maker dried up; started sniffin' airplane glue.
6. Woke up, strippers were gone but they ordered one of everything from room service, voted Virginia Tech No. 1.
5. Song Girls are eventually going to be a major distraction.
4. What happens in Bob Stoops' office, stays in Bob Stoops' office.
3. Trojans not the same without Norm Chow.
2. My daughter not one of three USC coeds Matt Leinart has yet to bed.
1. If lovin' Mack Brown is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Bart: Virginia Tech at West Virginia -- No hillbilly jokes here. What's the point of hacking off both teams? In other parts of the country, VaTech might seems a fluke, living off blocked punts and fumbles -- goofy stuff that always seems like a fortunate break when it happens. Fact is, the Hokies are as solid as any college team in the country, from the inside out. That means they can be counted on, more often than not, to do all the little things that winners do. Yeah, it'll likely be close, but Virginia Tech will win, it's a habit those guys have. The real mystery of the week remains unsolved. In the Harris Poll, who exactly were the bright minds that voted 5 points in the poll for Idaho? That would Shawn O'Neal's Idahos, of the 0-4 record, coming off a 24-0 loss at home, receiving more votes than about three-fourths of the teams in the country. If you're the guy who voted for Idaho, knock it off, right now. Do it again and we'll find out who you are, come to your house and demand a public apology. We aren't leaving without one, either.

DS: Florida at Alabama -- Okay, who’s got a redneck joke I can use here? Anyone? Doyle? S’Onnie? Damn. I’m plumb out myself. Let’s go with this old fave: Q: How do you calculate the number of teeth present for this donnybrook in ‘Bama? A: Take the total attendance and multiply by zero. But seriously folks, Urban Meyer seems to have his system forming into shape and even though Kentucky is Kentucky, it’s important for the Gators to be putting up audacious numbers to signify the return of the swagger. Gators roll. Over ‘Tide. Roll Gators. Roll.

DD: Minnesota at Penn State -- Here's a leak from Happy Valley on why Penn State has experienced a sudden resurgence this year. I cannot divulge my source. It seems they've finally gotten over the denial: Everyone on campus finally admits that JoePa actually died about four or five years ago. Sure, they still prop up his corpse, Weekend at Bernie's style, and pretend he's still watching over them, but by finally admitting their beloved leader has long since passed on, they have put the loss behind them and can focus their energy back on the field. Alas for the Lions, Laurence Maroney is alive and well, and about to run roughshod.

Colleges after Week 4: Dave D. 4-0; Dave S., SO'N 3-1; CF 2-2.

Fearless football links

Dave's World Football Thursday Week Four

Randolph's Random Picks,

prognosticating since 1995.

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, for which Dave's World remains mired at the bottom of the "NFL Guru" division

Email

Hmmmm ...

2005-09-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

Today's point to ponder:

Which guy gets a perpetual free pass in Boston, and which one is villified every time he breathes wrong?

*The pitcher who put in a tremendously gutty performance last year, whose numbers this year are roughly in the vicinity of Chan Ho Park, who never shuts his yap about anything and throws teammates under the bus and pops off about himself in the final week of the division title race, or ...

*The guy who was World Series MVP last year, has his usual gaggle of clutch hits this season, and has never publicly spoken a bad word about a teammate in his career that I'm aware of?

Chile's Corner

2005-09-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

PLAYOFFS?!?!?

By Chile Hidalgo

You can count on a few things when any subset of my five ex-roommates from Allston (of which Dave is one) get together. We'll probably have a few drinks and could very well end up drinking the dregs of whatever the host has stored in his liquor cabinet before the evening is out. The evening will probably start with some sort of sporting event on television and end with the best choice of shows available at 2 in the morning (past choices have included an Easter cartoon in Spanish, an infomercial for a set of swords, and replays of the game with which we started the evening). We'll make fun of Doug, one of the roommates.

And if there's any mention of playoffs in any sport, one of us will incredulously yell out "Playoffs?!? You're talking to me about playoffs?" in their best Jim Mora voice.

And we'll all give a chuckle and do our own variations of "playoffs?" in our own Jim Mora voice. Invoking Mora is funny every time. Much like making fun of Doug. Unlike making fun of Doug, however, it seems like other people find the Mora clip nearly as funny as we do. I've even thrown it out there in mixed company to good results. At some point a couple of years ago, ESPN started running the clip a couple of times during the weekly pregame shows. Hearing people mention it and seeing the clip one or two times a year is one of the little things that gets me excited about football season.

A middle-of-the-pack coach commenting on the chances of a middle-to-bottom-of-the-pack team making the playoffs shouldn't have this kind of staying power. After all, this happened five years ago. The film of the press conference is already starting to acquire that aged look of 1970s and 1980s ESPN Classic football games. But Mora's losing it after being asked a seemingly harmless question -- something to the effect of "how would you rate the Colts' chances of making the playoffs?" -- was so unusual and unexpected that we're still talking about it years after the fact.

Mora's answer is one of the great sports quotes out there, up with Allen Iverson's "you're talking about practice?" press conference a couple of years later and Patrick Roy's "I can't hear what he's saying because I have two my Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears," about a yapping Jeremy Roenick. Part of the reason I remember those quotes so many years after the fact has to do with the fact that they're unscripted and out of the ordinary.

By dint of contrast, I'm sitting here writing this while watching Monday Night Countdown, and Mark Schlereth has just shown us all how competitive he is by racing an 11-year-old Broncos fan up some sort of inflatable climbing wall. Stuie Scott said "Stink just held back a small boy to win that!" about 12 times in a row. And as I was typing this, the Rock (of WWE fame) just appeared at Invesco field in Denver (with someone dressed as a giant pompom jumping up and down behind him) and asked the crowd via an ABC-provided microphone if they were ready for some football. With any luck, someone pretty sweet will be Mik'd Up! and we can really round out this column in style.

Incidents like Mora's playoffs rant are funny, but they're also memorable because they happen so infrequently. I spent a long time thinking about other notable quotes, and couldn't come up with any others besides two that Dave reminded me of, Shaq's one about winning championships at every level except high school, college, and the pros when he signed with the Lakers and Kevin Millar's "I'm telling you, don't let us win tonight" before Game 4 of last year's ALCS. And that's it.

I'm not sure what that says about sports today, but I'm fairly sure it's not good. Here's to hoping the Steelers go 0-6 over the next few weeks and someone asks Bill Cowher what he thinks of the Steelers making the playoffs.

Previous Chile's Corner: The Best Rivalry You've Never Heard Of

Monday Musings

2005-09-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

*You know, I think I am starting to understand how Yankees fans feel. My skin just crawled, typing that, but hear me out.

Remember way back in the day, when the Yankees were a dynasty? All their fans did was gripe and complain that everyone was out to get them, that major league baseball was conspiring to bring them down.

It is getting that way with the Patriots. You look at the schedule and see the murderer's row lined up -- on the road at Carolina and Pittsburgh, at home against San Diego, back on the road to Atlanta and Denver, etc. -- and assume the league wants someone other than the Pats to win. Then you notice the Colts get their bye week right before they play the Pats. And you notice the referees seem to throw flags against the Pats every single time they make physical contact with another player. Then you notice that the clock sure seemed to get stuck on "0:01" for a suspicious amount of time as Adam Vinatieri's field goal went up yesterday.

Then you take a deep breath and realize that there isn't really a conspiracy against the Pats; that maybe they really are playing that sloppy and commit that many penalties.

And then you take a second breath. And you realize it is way more fun to assume everyone is out to get the Pats. New England has already proven everything there is to prove on the field. Some folks want to deny this, but it sort of got boring at times last year, the mechanical precision with which the Patriots mowed down the competition, as anyone who sat on their hands through the win over the Dolphins to set the consecutive wins record can attest. The Patriots have always done their best when they've perceived themselves the victims of slights, whether real ("Peyton Manning cannot be stopped!!! No really, ignore the fact the Patriots beat him like a rented mule, Peyton will really win this time!!! We swear!!!") or imagined. So let them think everyone is out to get them. Maybe that's what kept the Yankees going all along.

*Man, and … as if on cue … I have the Yankees-Orioles on in the background, and all they've been doing on the YES network is ramble on and on about how it is vitally important they get the game in tonight, even though it is pouring sheets of rain, and how you cannot mess with King Randy's rhythm, or something like that, and it is not fair to force the Yankees to play a doubleheader at this time of the year when so much is at stake. They keep briefly mentioning the Red Sox got rained out tonight and are playing a doubleheader on Tuesday. Apparently it is OK for Boston to play a doubleheader. They're back in rain delay now, and airing a video called "Tales of Triumph: The 2001 World Series." I personally wouldn't call a series in which a team blows both a 3-2 series lead and a ninth-inning lead in Game 7 a "triumph," but maybe that's just me.

*Got to let all y'alls back East in on the best thing in sports you've probably never given a second thought: Pac-10 football. This stuff's great. USC might be the greatest college football team ever assembled. Arizona State has a ridiculous offense. California deserves a higher ranking that it is getting. Oregon, UCLA, and possibly Washington State are good enough to throw monkey wrenches in the big boys' plans. Now, I don't buy into the whining East Coast bias theories they bitterly cling to in Seattle, because the fact is the Pac-10 has a self-inflicted visibility problem in which they don't bother airing their games on ESPN and they get most of their games regionalized on ABC. But if you like high-scoring games and are the type of person who only checks in on the biggest college football games of the year, make it a point to watch USC-Arizona State on Saturday, which could very well end up having a final score of 77-56 or something to that effect … if you can find the game anywhere.

Customer service and Feedback

2005-09-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and discovered my satellite provider had arbitrarily shut off my NFL package. Baseball was still on, everything else was still on. No football.

You don't just shut off football on a Sunday. This is America, damnit. I'll figure out a way to live with three-dollar gas, but not without football.

So I call my satellite provider, wander through their maze of menu options, and finally get to what was supposed to be an operator. Then they hung up on me.

Tried again. Same result.

Called again and just started hitting zeros until I got a live operator. The operator was named Tanisha. Satellite provider customer service representative Tanisha told me there was nothing she could do to help me with my satellite package service issue. She gave me a different number to call. I protested, but Tanisha insisted there was nothing she could do, and hung up on me.

I called the new number, and got the same menu of push-button options as the first number. Started pressing zeros again, and this time I got Sue. Sue asked for our secret password. I don't know the secret password. I got my roommate. My roommate also doesn't know the magical password. We're the only two people in the house. This led to about another 15 minutes of jumping through hoops.

(Interruption: the color commentator in the Pats-Pittsburgh game just declared "what caused the interception was the penalty on the play before." Um, no, what caused the interception was a tipped pass that caused the ball to ricochet into an area in which three Steelers were hanging out. The penalty had no bearing on the Steeler tipping the ball. But I digress).

Finally, about an hour after I made my initial call, I got to explain my situation. Sue said "we have no record of you purchasing the football package." I said "well, yeah, I ordered it, got the confirmation record, got messages from you pretty much every day reminding me I would be billed monthly, and I don't think I was imagining I was watching all these games the past two weeks." Sue then went right back to her script and kept rephrasing her original claim to try to get me to say I really didn't order the football package, rather than simply admit they screwed up something on their end and fix it. Really, if there was any justice in this world, whomever was the marketing/focus group/personnel weasel who came up with the notion that customer service departments have to treat customers like small children needs to be taken out into a town square and tarred and feathered, or maybe pelted with eggs.

Anyway, Sue magnanimously offered to turn on the football package, without apologizing for shutting off my service or getting me to take any blame. I considered it a draw, so I accepted, and football's back on. Of course, I'm about 99.8 percent sure the postscript on this story is that I'll get billed twice by my provider for the football package.

On to this week's feedback:

Dispatches from Iraq

Martha in Alaska writes: I just discovered your blog. My son is being redeployed to Iraq again from Fairbanks, Alaska to Mosul and I'm terrified. Even though it's painful to learn what it's like day to day over there for our soldiers, I feel driven to know. I want to know what they're feeling, seeing, thinking, experiencing because to stick my head in the sand while he's there feels like a betrayal and abandonment. Thank you to you and Matt for this honesty. I'm so grateful for the new Strykers which are better armored and are protecting Matt, my son and all the soldiers.

Ashley in Texas writes: My friend is in Iraq right now. He has been out on a mission since August, 2005 and is still not back. He told me he was going to be gone for 5 days up North. He's stationed at Camp Victory in Baghdad. Could you tell me how I could find out if he is wounded or something? Or is it normal for a mission to last this long? Thanks for your help if you can give any.

(Let me throw this out to the readers -- do you guys know of a decent site for anyone looking to find friends and family in Iraq? I've been lucky enough to have a friend with a laptop over there. Any input would be helpful.)

Football Thursday

Mister C quibbles: I don't really think the Colts' schedule is that easy. Look at what the Browns did at Lambeau Field. They're not such a terrible team. Plus, since the Browns were reinstated, the Colts have played three games at Cleveland and just barely won all three of them. Thus, one might consider the idea that the fact that the games were close and that they have yet to lose to them, the Browns might sneak in and grab a win. I'm a Colts fan originally from Indy, so I wouldn't say these things for the hell of it.

Tom in San Diego offers: Love your football picks.... and if you really want some fish tacos let me know where to Fed-Ex some.

(Just address the package to Dave's World, West Seattle. They'll know where to send them).

Shocker and his midget gorilla

Christopher Warren exacerbates: So nothing I've read on your blog had made me want to watch CMLL wrestling ... until today. I chuckled at the mere mention of a midget in a gorilla suit, but when I saw the picture I damn near lost it. I haven't even read another line yet. Just going to fire this off and go back to see what else I'm missing.

(I got two similar emails on this subject. See, when it comes to topics like Mexican wrestling, as long as I know I made a few people spit out their coffee laughing while sitting at their desk, then I could care less if everyone else is wondering what the hell I'm writing about.

Youppi, un Canadien

Clark E. intones: I likened it to a long-lost love coming back to town, only to shack up with the jerk next door.

Simon F. of Reichstag, Idaho froths: I think taking away Youppi's exclamation point was a bit harsh.

Benjamin Anomaly melodramatically overwrites: How can anyone with experience as a freelancer knock Youppi's decision? Have a heart man, the guy's just trying to make a buck. Not every mascot has a Jerry Remy to keep them on the payroll past retirement.

(C'mon, Ben. If Youppi needed the cash, all he had to do was hit the road and head down to Ottawa. He could have become Senator Youppi and led a distinguished life. I was going to say, "he could have come down to Boston and worked for the Bruins," but they probably would have signed him to a one-year deal, then not re-signed him and recruited the Brockton Rox mascot for half the price the following season. Either way, nope, Youppi went ahead hooked up with the Canadiens. Unforgivable.)

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The Mexican Wrestling All-Scholastics

2005-09-24T01:52:00.000-07:00

Originally, this was going to be called "A viewer's guide to CMLL." Then I realized I am likely the only non-Spanish speaker in America making a regular habit of watching CMLL wrestling on Galavision every weekend, so I'd basically be writing this for myself.

Yet, I know a decent amount of Dave's World readers slog through the occasional Mexican wrestling material here anyway, even if it is something akin to gawking at a car wreck.

And that's OK with me. Some people got into this business to be the next Red Smith, Will McDonough, or Jeff Sullivan. I, for one, hold out hope that one day, I will walk down the street, and people across the way will nudge their friends and say "hey, look over there ... there goes the Peter Gammons of Lucha Libre."

Anyway, here's basically the lowdown on anybody you'll ever need to know in the world of the Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre. Even if you never watch it in your life, you'll at least have a vague idea what I am rambling about when I go off on my Mexican wrestling tangents.

This is loosely modeled after the high school sports All-Scholastic pages of your local newspaper. I must confess I have not looked into the academic credentials of the following grapplers, which makes this roughly the same as most All-Scholastic compilations.

The Dave's World Mexican Wrestler of the Year: Shocker

Shocker is basically a Latino version of the wrestler Sting, from the blond hair to the face paint to the long tights, and he's all fire in the ring like Sting in his heyday.

But that's not what makes Shocker the Dave's World Mexican Wrestler of the Year. No, what puts Shocker over the top is that he is accompanied to the ring by the greatest companion in the history of wrestling. Better than Captain Lou Albano, better then Elizabeth, better than The Fashion Plate of Wrestling Fred Blassie. Indeed, Shocker is seconded at all times by a midget in a gorilla suit.

Whoever came up with this idea is truly a genius among men. Someone in the office apparently thought "We just don't quite have enough histrionics with all these guys in masks and flashy outfits jumping around. Let's find a midget and throw him into the middle of the bedlam. Better yet, let's dress him like a gorilla!! We can have him follow Shocker around!!" Just inspired thinking.

At first, the sight of Shocker and the simian is jarring, but after a few weeks, he blends in with the scenery, and the phrase "Oh hey, here comes Shocker and his midget gorilla friend," seems as ordinary as "Doug Mirabelli is Tim Wakefield's catcher," or "Drew Bledsoe is playing for Bill Parcells again."

The gorilla invariably gets ensnared in some sort of misadventure every time he steps in the ring. In the few months I've been watching, he's been spanked, whipped, tossed under the ring, punted, and kissed by women and men alike. And he dishes out punishment of his own when he gets the chance. Shocker tends to have his hands full in the ring going against main-event competition, but I've never seen him get angry at his little buddy for the diversions he tends to cause. Truly a legendary pairing.

(Below ... Shocker celebrates his Copa CMLL victory over Dr. Wagner Jr. at Arena Mexico along with his midget gorilla manager, his fan club, and a tall person of indeterminate gender.)

The Dave's World Super Team

Dr. Wagner Jr. -- Based on fan reaction and the fact it seems about half the crowd is wearing Wagner masks on any given week at Arena Mexico, I think he's the ass-kicking bad guy turned good guy because the crowd loves his aggression. Sort of like Stone Cold Steve Austin, except with a mask and a goofy singlet. If Jim Ross was the announcer, he'd say "Dr. Wagner Jr. could main event in any building in the world." Wagner is the current NWA light heavyweight champion and UWA heavyweight champion. Oh yeah, his dad was Dr. Wagner Sr., but you probably already figured that out.

Ultimo Guerrero -- Easily the best pure in-the-ring performer in Mexico. Guerrero has it all. Can adapt to any style wrestler and have a good-to-great match. Leader of Los Guerreros Del Infierno, the current red-hot bad-guy crew. Guerrero holds the CMLL light heavyweight belt.

Rey Bucanero -- Guerrero's main sidekick. Pretty much the Arn Anderson of the group, no nonsense and all action. Doesn't get hyped as much, just does a solid job.

Mistico -- If you've been following Dave's World any length of time, you've heard me jibber-jabber about the sensational Mistico. Mistico is half the size of everyone else in the group, an awesome high-flyer in the mold of Rey Mysterio who can also do the mat-wrestling-type stuff. All the kiddies in the crowd wear Mistico masks. Mistico is the NWA middleweight champ. I'm pretty sure everyone in Mexican wrestling holds at least one title.

Negro Casas -- Casas is the Ric Flair of the bunch, the longtime vet who used to be the unquestioned king. Even though he's slowed a half-step he can still bring it on a nightly basis, unlike many old-timers the promoters continue to shove down the audience's throats, who need walkers to get to the ring. Casas is the CMLL middleweight champion. Casas is about 50 pounds heavier than NWA middie kingpin Mistico, leading one to believe the authorities are a tad lax in enforcing weight-class limits.

Super Team: Tag team division

Averno y Mephisto -- Every wrestling promotion has that one tag team that is heads and tails above everyone else, that has been teaming forever and has the moves and timing down perfectly, like The British Bulldogs in the WWF in the 1980s. Averno and Mephisto are that duo in CMLL. Averno and Mephisto are CMLL tag champs; Mephisto holds the CMLL welterweight belt.

Los Perros del Mal: El Hijo del Perro Aguayo y Hector Garza -- Just your classic super-arrogant smug bad guy team. Aguayo is the son of Perro Aguayo, a Lucha legend whose stature is roughly similar to that of Bruno Sammartino. The crowd does not appreciate the son of the legend acting like a total brat. Either way, he's just loaded with cocky charisma, like Shawn Michaels. Garza looks nothing like he did years back in WCW -- his hair is short and he has a porn-star moustache now, plus he seems to have been hooked up with Jason Giambi's pharmacist. Basically does a Ravishing Rick Rude act. Put Aguayo and Garza together and you have a money-making tag team.

Various oddities

Super Porky -- Super Porky rocks. I've described him before. He's about 40 years old, 5-8, and I'll be damned if he ain't 350 pounds. One week he was teaming with Shocker and almost accidentally crushed the midget gorilla, but generally he just drops his gigantic ass on people the way Rikishi used to. Also, appears just infrequently enough to keep you from getting sick of his limited routine.

Felino -- A decent-enough performer with a terrible costume. Imagine Marty Jannety from the Rockers in the late 80s in his full neon get-up. Now put a cat-head mask on him, and make him a little too fat for the suit. That's Felino.

Maximo -- As near as I can tell, Maximo is some sort of super-effeminate Roman Centurion. In one match a couple weeks ago, in one of the rare times I actually wished I understood the commentary, one of the announcers came down from his spot in the booth and gave Maximo a rose during his match; Maximo was so taken by the gesture that he got distracted and lost his match.

Potential future All-Scholastics (AKA, the mid-card guys who don't get all that much TV time, but based on what I've seen probably should headline eventually): Safari; Doctor X; Neutron; Hooligan; Arkangel; Sangre Azteca.

(OK, so if you got through all this, have DirecTV, and have decided you simply must check this stuff out, Galavision is channel 404; and CMLL bounces between 11 a.m. and noon Pacific on Saturday and generally airs on 11 a.m. on Sundays, though the air time gets bounced around for soccer occasionally).

BS alert

2005-09-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

Alright, some chick on ESPN News who has presumably been told by her bosses that she has to come across about 100 times more enthusiastic than necessary if she ever wants Linda Cohn's job just claimed that the Rockies drew 35,000, more than twice Colorado's season average, specifically to see Barry Bonds.

What they left out is that it is fan appreciation weekend, there were discounted tickets, and there was a post-game fireworks show at Coors Field tonight.

But, hey, don't let any of that get in the way of incessant celebrity jock sniffing.

Oh, and the male announcer on ESPN News just followed by informing us that both LSU and Tennesse will have the same amount of preparation time for their next game now that their Saturday game has been rescheduled for Monday. Yes, for those who would have otherwise been confused, if a game between two teams gets moved from Sept. 24 to Sept. 26, and those two teams are playing their next games to Oct. 1, then, yes, indeed, they both have the same amount of time to prepare for that game. I'm surprised they didn't add an "ESPN has learned ..."

Friday! .... Friday! ... Friday! ...

2005-09-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

*OK, that headline was supposed to read like those Battle of the Monster Trucks! commercials. You know "Sunday! (fading) Sunday ... Sunday ... at the Bayside Expo Center! .. Expo Center ... Expo Center ..." Anyway ...

*If the Red Sox do miss the playoffs this year, well, I generally tend to hate second guessing, but that's exactly what I'm going to do here.

I think the Sox are missing simple intangibles this year. You know, the stuff the stats geeks overlook when they decide that Edgar Renteria's OPS is better than Orlando Cabrera's. Can you put a number on Cabrera's enthusiasm? Did the numbers accurately reflect that even though Cabrera had a lower batting average, it seemed like every hit of his in the late innings last year was clutch? And that doesn't begin to broach Cabrera's superiority in the field.

Maybe I'll sound like some sort of canterkerous coot here, but the Sox have been lacking things like Pedro Martinez sticking a fastball up near Hideki Matsui's ear at the precise moment they need to regain their swagger. You can look at Matt Clement's numbers with the Cubs last year and say that his numbers were better than his record, but he was still 9-11 and recently he's been pitching that way. David Wells, you know what you're getting when you cast your lot with him. There's good Wells and bad Wells, and you just hope you get good Wells when you need it.

You'll notice I'm not blaming injuries here. Have they had them? Yes. But nowhere near as bad as the Yankees were afflicted. If anything, among all the little things you could add up when trying to figure out why the Sox don't have that dozen-game lead people were expecting, you have to question the whole notion of basically letting Curt Schilling and Keith Foulke essentially do their rehab in major league games.

And what is it with the Sox constantly getting croaked by rookie pitchers they're facing for the first time? Does this team have any advance scouting?

Either way, it is all speculative at this point, although I think everyone is half-expecting the Baltimore Orioles that just rolled over and played dead for the Yankees to suddenly wake up and remember how to play this weekend. My guess is that the Sox and Yanks both end up in the playoffs -- the Chicago White Sox seem bent on going into a death spiral of historic proportions, and it isn't too hard to see them slipping out of contention entirely.

*Speaking of the White Sox, yes, they are on the verge of a collapse that would place them right up there with the 1978 Red Sox and the 1964 Phillies, but we have a real live one in manager Ozzie Guillen. The guy is never afraid to speak his mind on anything -- he openly all but questioned Damaso Marte's manhood publicly -- and he also makes his email address available to the public -- ozzieguillen13@hotmail.com. In this day of focus groups, PR spin, and sod from the ballpark for sale, guys like this need to be cherished.

*Thanks as always for checking out the site. You may have noticed there have been fewer long pieces from me over the past few weeks and more emphasis on material contributed by others. This should be a temporary thing, I've been in a real busy period with the day job. Things should ease up once the baseball regular season ends. In the interim, I'm sincerely flattered that the regular material has found an audience -- Dispatches from Iraq tends to get 15,000-20,000 page views each time out, and both Chile's Corner and Football Thursday pull in about 3,000 a pop. This weekend, expect something on wrestling tomorrow and reader feedback on Sunday (and if you feel like you want to vent about anything, drop me a line and we'll get you in). Thanks again, and allow me to make my occasional pitch: If you like what you read, please pass the link to the site on to a friend or two.

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Football Thursday

2005-09-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

It is my pleasure to welcome my friend and former Boston Globe colleague, Andy Nesbitt, as this week's Dave's World Football Thursday guest panelist. Andy works for The Man at Foxsports.com, but is maintaining his underground street cred by appearing on this hip little blog. Andy was the starting goaltender on the 1994 Massachusetts state champion Duxbury High soccer team, which ended the season undefeated and ranked No. 5 in the country, of which he reminds people only once or twice per conversation.

If you're new to the site, here are the rest of the Dave's World Wiseguys:

Shawn O'Neal -- Senior editor for the Lindy's college sports preview magazines.
Dave Scott -- Hull, MA-based freelance author and sports media critic.
Chris Forsberg -- Staff sports writer for the Fitchburg (MA) Sentinel.
Dave Doyle -- West Seattle-based freelance sports writer/editor and operator of this this goofy little web site.

On to this week's picks:

NFL

SO'N: Dallas-San Francisco -- I sometimes wish Joe Namath and the Jets would have lost Super Bowl III. Had Joe's guarantee not come true, every half-assed clown in professional sports might not feel compelled to make similar guarantees. This week we have Julian Peterson pre-certifying a 49ers' win over the Cowboys. Oh boy. That's great copy. Give me more, big daddy. Boo-yaa. At any rate, in a truly remarkable move, the 49ers have decided to sign the Burger King after seeing his oft-replayed interception of Drew Bledsoe. Folks, with scouting like that it's only a matter of time before this organization turns the corner, but it ain't this week, even against Dallas' collapsible defense.

New Orleans-Minnesota -- To properly summarize the state of the Minnesota Vikings, Randy Quaid's brilliant "Cousin Eddie" character from the "National Lampoon's Vacation" movies captures the moment -- "I ain't seen a beatin' like that since someone shoved a banana down my pants and turned a monkey loose." The problem for Vikings fans is that while it has long appeared that Cousin Eddie runs their organization he has perhaps now inserted himself as head coach. The Vikings have to be better than what they've shown the past couple weeks, right? Vegas seems to think so, giving the Saints 3 1/2 points. As bad as Minnesota is, Jim Haslett's team is on a short week and the road warrior thing has to be getting old. I'll take Cousin Eddie, but you can't have the points.

Tampa Bay-Green Bay -- As a college football snob, I love to blather on about how NFL types consistently out-think themselves. Thus, a guy with better measurables gets drafted ahead of a good football player. That's the only reason to explain why Carnell Williams was still around for the fifth pick of last year's draft for the Buccaneers to nab while Ronnie Brown -- the Shaggy to Williams' Scooby at Auburn -- had already been selected by Miami. It's way too early to call Brown a flop, but Williams was one of the nation's finest running backs throughout his college days for a reason. Gimme the Cadillac and Tampa.

Andy: Atlanta-Buffalo -- After Week 1, the Bills were the sexy pick of the AFC. Then Week 2 came and, well, those beer goggles fell off, leaving a decent team looking like the equivalent of 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning after their 21st birthday, as they racked up about nine yards of total offense in a loss to the Super Bowl-bound Tampa Bay Bucs. The Falcons are worried about Michael Vick, who even with his tender hamstring could run circles around Dave Doyle. At least Vick runs forward, unlike J.P. Losman who likes to run out of the back of his own end zone while still holding onto the ball. Nice move, J.P. Still, the Bills win this one 27 (all on field goals)-13.

Jacksonville-NY Jets -- Herm Edwards is my favorite coach in the NFL. His press conferences are pure comedy. Still, the Jets are a terrible team this year. Bret Saberhagen has a stronger throwing shoulder than Chad Pennington, which is not a good thing, seeing how even a sneeze could leave Ol' Saberhagen without a limb. Making things worse for the Jets, Curtis Martin is slightly injured. Jacksonville has one of the best defenses in the league, even if Donovin Darius is out for the season. The Jaguars win this one going away, 37-14.

Cincinnati-Chicago -- Is Kyle Orton really the best to come out of April's draft? Kyle freaking Orton? Maybe. Maybe not. How's that for choosing a
stance? I didn't think the bears would score more than 30 points all year, then they put up 38 against the Lions. But there's no way they replicate that effort this weekend against the Super Bowl-bound Bengals (yeah, I said it.) The league's best quarterback, Carson Palmer, will pick apart Chicago's weak secondary and Chad Johnson will benefit with another monster game. The Bengals are the real deal this year, and will beat AFC East winning Bills in the AFC championship game. Just you watch.

Oh, and since this will be on a blog written by a sports writer/editor, I heard you're supposed to give Scott's Shots props whenever you get a chance. So, Scott's Shots, you rule! ... even if you do live in Hull.

Dave S.: New England-Pittsburgh -- The Patriots are 7-9 after a regular-season bye week since 1990. That includes three wins in the last four post-bye games under B-squared. Point is, they did have the bye last week, right? If I didn't see it, it didn't happen. Pats, 41-27. Again.

New York Giants-San Diego -- The Eli Bowl. Sounds like the thing the Yale mascot drinks out of on the sideline during Harvard/Yale games. Drew Brees might be forced to drink out of a similar dirty dish should his abysmal start continue. That realization, however, will not be enough to keep the Giants' swarming defense at bay. Giants win big. Speaking of the bay -- fish tacos in San Diego are the best fish tacos in all the land. Feel free to send some my way if ever you find yourself in a situation that would allow that.

Kansas City-Denver -- So this is that year when KC, Oakland and Denver play each other four times each? I thought it wasn't until next year. But sure enough, we're three weeks into the season and it already feels like they've each faced off against one another, twice already. Technically, it's pure genius because the games always deliver. But it would seem to affect the competitive balance of the league. But I trust Tags and The Gang. Monday nighter, too . . . genius.

And the pick? Chiefs. Priest Holmes gave a great post-gamer to my gal, Suzy Kolber on Sunday night. That gave me the right to mention Suzy, which obligates me to repay Priest and thrust my considerable weight behind the good reverend and his Chiefs. And yes, Suzy knows how I feel about her. She thinks it's cute.

Forzy: Seattle-Arizona -- Is losing a game on a penalty-induced 10-second runoff football's equivalent of a beanball forcing in the winning run in baseball? Simply the most anti-climactic ending to a game possible. Even the winning team doesn't feel like celebrating. But don't fret Cardinals fans, your coach shrugged off an 0-2 start -- one in which your quarterback couldn't get fired up against either of his former employers -- by suggesting, "We would never say, 'Because we're 0-2 we're off to a disastrous start.'" No coach, that's just par for the course in Arizona. On the bright side, at least your Web site touts former UMass running back Marcel Shipp as a "bona-fide asset to our club."

Carolina-Miami -- Quick fact #1: Only one team in the NFL has never beaten the Miami Dolphins, and it's the Carolina Panthers. Quick fact #2: After this weekend, every team in the NFL will have beaten the Miami Dolphins. My favorite highlight from Miami's loss to the Jets last week was second-year punter Donnie Jones patting kicker Olindo Mare on the back after a botched 21-yard field goal attempt in which Mare stutter-stepped, shanked a kick wide left and fell flat on his face after Jones struggled with a high snap. The young punter gave Mare one of those pats like, "Don't worry about it Tiger, we'll get 'em next time." Meanwhile, Mare had that enraged look in his eye like he might physically attack the long snapper.

Oakland-Philadelphia -- Ahhh, nothing like a visit from the lowly Raiders to calm those rocky waters in Philly. The banged-up quarterback throws five touchdown passes. The spotlight-hogging wide receiver celebrates scores like he just reeled in a fresh shipment of Ritalin. Heck, even the linebackers are kicking PATs for these happy-go-lucky Eagles. That's sure to change Sunday with a visit from the Raiders. His medication wearing off, T.O. snaps when Randy Moss catches a deep ball and unveils an over-the-top end zone celebration that the Philly fans can't help but cheer. Upset by the lack of balls thrown his way, Owens secretly replaces Andy Reid's play-calling sheet with a gigantic, Sharpie-scrawled 81 and a middle finger on a piece of laminated paper.

DD: Cleveland-Indianapolis -- I once had a co-worker nicknamed LoIQ (though, aptly, he's not aware of this). One day, someone from a nearby company dropped by and mentioned they were having an office potluck and there was way too much food for them too consume, so they invited us all over for lunch. When we got there, LoIQ proceeded to pile enough food on his plate to end hunger in Africa. We were collectively embarrassed for him . . . and then, as he was headed for the door, he spotted a big bag of Cheetos, did a u-turn, and proceeded to sprinkle the cheez snax all over the rest of his food. My point here? The Colts' early-season schedule is like LoIQ at the potluck. And playing at home, on turf, with a nice comfortable room temperature under the dome for Peyton Manning, is like the Cheetos on top.

And here's this week's Dave's World Peyton Manning fun fact: The Colts have a bye week heading up to their Monday night showdown with the Patriots on Nov. 11. That gives them 15 days to prepare.

St. Louis-Tennessee -- Back in 2001, the sports cable channel in St. Louis ran an ad that picked on Boston out of the blue for no particular good reason. It made fun of the Pats and the Red Sox, and the tag line was something about how things were swell in St. Louis, and thank god you don't have to follow sports teams like those in Boston. Since then, the Patriots have beaten the Rams in the Super Bowl and the Sox clobbered the Cardinals in the World Series. Think they still run that ad? Anyway, Norm Chow's new offense showed signs of finally getting it in gear last week, and the Rams were one Kurt Warner braincramp from 0-2, so I don't see why the Titans shouldn't take this one.

NFL standings after Week 2: Chris F. 5-1, SO'N 4-2, Dave S. 2-4, Dave D. 1-5.

COLLEGES

DD: USC-Oregon -- Perhaps you noted my NFL picks record up above: 1-5. Well, I have to point out in my defense that not only am I 3-0 in my college picks, but I have picked three unranked underdogs beating ranked favorites straight up, including Iowa State over Iowa. Now, if I picked underdog Oregon over USC and got it right, I could probably just move to Vegas and start a 900 betting number for college football. But, given my NFL picks records, I think I'll just flagrantly take advantage of my position as owner of this joint and pad my numbers with a gimme. USC rolls.

CF: LSU-Tennessee -- Like the Saints in Week 1 of the NFL, it's hard not to root for LSU as the Tigers return to Baton Rouge for this week's game. The key to victory? Les Miles (or should we say, less miles). LSU's coach will be making his home debut with his team making its SEC debut, but Tennessee plans to fly in that morning and then patiently wait until the 7:45 p.m. start. Not a good combination for the Vols. There's a reason teams don't travel on game day and it'll show in Tennessee's sleepy play.

DS: Notre Dame-Washington -- Here's what a legit Boston-area, D-I prospect's dad recently heard from Charlie Weis at one of the summer's burgeoning all-star combines. The dad told us that he just wanted to introduce himself and let Weis know who his son was.

Weis didn't mince words: "Yeah, yeah. I know who your kid is. O'Leary (except he used the kid's real Irish-sounding name.) -- big kid. Of course he wants to come to Notre Dame."

Weis grunted, turned and walked away.

And the Dad (not to mention the kid) still loved him.

That never could have happened with Ty Willingham. Doesn't make Ty a bad dude. Just not the fit that ND demands.

Somehow, that lame-ass recruiting story leads me to believe the Irish will prevail out west in DoyleLand.

Andy: Clemson-Boston College -- The relationship the city of Boston has with college football is much like that of a single father and his kids: Every now and then he's reminded of his love for his little tikes, but in the end he's much happier that he doesn't have to see them every week. Not that I would know exactly how that feels. Anyway, anything that's bad for BC's spoiled bunch of "Super Fans" who are known for their "look-at-how-cool-we-are" awful shirts is good for me. Look for Clemson to rout the Eagles (31-10), and the Super Fans to pound daddy's credit card at Scary Anne's Saturday night.

SO'N: Virginia Tech-Georgia Tech -- Despite my overall disdain for ESPN's self-celebratory whore routine, I gotta admit that ESPNU is the greatest thing to happen to college sports since Nick Saban went to the NFL. But all good things have their limits. I was flipping through the channels last month and came across something titled "VT practice." I figured it was some sort of preview show. Nope, it was actually Virginia Tech football practice. Not a practice game. Just practice. Allen Iverson was over -- our kids are in the same playgroup -- and he was brought to tears. And there was even an announcing team calling the "action." Question for broadcast guys -- if you are assigned to cover practice, are you probably not in the network's long-range plans? Regardless, any team with their practice sessions broadcast nationally must be pretty good. Gotta go with VT.

(Dave's World would like to congratulate Shawn for becoming the first person in America to find a system that carries ESPNU).

College standings after Week 3: Dave D. 3-0; Dave S., SO'N, Chris F. 2-1.

Pertinent football links

Nesbitt's Foxsports picks from last week.

Dave's World Football Thursday Week Three

Randolph's Random Picks,

prognosticating since 1995.

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, for which Dave's World remains mired at the bottom of the "NFL Guru" division

Email

Overtired

2005-09-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

Longtime Dave's World reader Steve Sears was chiding me over instant message at one point Tuesday night for the lack of a post. So this is all for you, pal. I just got done with 14 hours of editing and I can barely see straight, so I make no claims about the coherence of the following items:

*The notion that a designated hitter can't be MVP is ridiculous. Last I checked, the criteria is simply that the winner is the player deemed most valuable to his team -- the precise rules that enabled Alex Rodriguez to win the award as the clear-cut most important member the last-place Texas Rangers a few years back.

How can anyone make the claim that anyone has been more valuable to their team in the American League than David Ortiz this year? If you take A-Rod out of the Yankees lineup, they still have a murderer's row. Which they also did before he came to town, you know, back in the days when they actually went to the World Series. They have a killer lineup with him and would without him.

What happens if you subtract David Ortiz from the Red Sox lineup? Manny Ramirez isn't anywhere near as effective without Ortiz in front of him in the most potent left-right combo in baseball, and aside from the Ramirez and Ortiz, the rest of the lineup are complementary pieces who won't give the team a boost on their own. How many game-winning hits does Ortiz have this year? How bad would the Red Sox' September be without him to this point?

This is no contest. Ortiz should win hands down.

As for the whole playing-the-field thing, well, if the glove is a factor, go back to the top of the ninth in the third game of the season between the Sox and Yanks in the Bronx in April. A-Rod muffed an routine Ramirez grounder that should have been a game-winning double play, then stared at the ball, frozen, as though Jason Varitek was coming at him again. That play opened the floodgates and turned what should have been a Yankees win into a Red Sox laugher. That's a two-game swing in the standings, and if Boston wins the division by one game, a distinct possibility, there's your answer right there about A-Rod's contributions in the field.

Either way, this is all moot, because Hellen Keller can see the upcoming result: Some jackass with a vote in New York will leave Ortiz off the ballot entirely and A-Rod will win by about two points.

*The playoff contenders in the AL better be hoping that the Chicago White Sox hold off the Cleveland Indians, because if the Indians get in, they're going to be trouble. The White Sox, their win Tuesday night notwithstanding, have looked like dead men walking in recent weeks and if they do somehow get in, they'll likely have the same meek little exit they've made in each of their sporadic playoff appearances they've made over the past couple decades.

*An open letter to Youppi!, who I am pretty sure is sitting at his computer reading this. From someone who still dearly misses the Expos, this needs to be said: Youppi!, you soulless traitor. You big orange lout. You were a happy face no matter how sad the franchise became, and the last time I saw a game at Stade Olympique, that night a mere 17 months ago in which the Expos beat the Cardinals, I watched you personally entertain all 18 little kids in attendance at various points in the game. You were noble and pure. You could have rode off into the sunset on your white horse, or at least spent your retirement frittering away your time and money at various gentlemen's establishments on Ste. Catherine's. But now you've committed an act so disgusting and vile I can barely bring myself to type these words: Youppi! now wears the bleu, blanc et rouge of the Montreal Canadiens. That hurts, Youppi!. From now on, I shall call you Benedict Youppi, and you don't even get the exclamation point at the end of your name anymore.

Monday Musings

2005-09-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

*If there are any remaining Pete Carroll detractors back East, your opinion is getting shuttled over by the "Bledsoe over Brady" argument somewhere in history's little dustbin. Dave's World has long had a bone of contention with the way Carroll was practically tarred and feathered on the way out of Boston despite having, at the time, the best winning percentage for any coach in Patriots history and despite the fact that, to this day, he is still the only coach in Pats history who never had a team with a losing record. In the Boston media lynch mob's illustrious history, Carroll's treatment ranks a solid second behind the way Ted Williams was lambasted during his career.

Then Carroll went out and won back-to-back national championships at USC. And the detractors said it was all due to offensive coordinator Norm Chow.

Now Chow is gone, and USC has scored 133 points in its first two games, including four touchdowns on their first eight offensive plays on Saturday. They put up a 70-spot on a respectable SEC program, Arkansas. And all this with the big boys getting pulled in the third quarter in both games. Pete Carroll is a great football coach. No qualifiers attached to that statement. Period.

*Oof. Just an awful sports day in Boston on Sunday. The Patriots did not deserve to win. Way too many mental errors and didn't look sharp. As for the Red Sox, well, every time I checked in, it seemed Oakland had scored another batch of runs. On top of that, I was checking in with two other games on DirecTV -- Jaguars-Colts and Yankees-Blue Jays. The Colts game was particularly frustrating, since the Jags defense held the Softest Show on Turf to one touchdown, but Jacksonville couldn't punch home a score of their own. The only thing that saved the day from being a complete wash was the Yankees' 6-5 loss to Toronto, but even then, New York rallied from four runs down before stranding the potential tying run on second. Some days are just total losses and you take your lumps and move on. Oh, and, I'm glad I'm not in Boston today, because no doubt all the usual suspects are screaming that the sky is falling. Yawn.

*With the Patriots and their schedule, incidentally, do you think the NFL at least investigated the feasibility of having them travel back in time to face the 1972 Dolphins?

*Have you purchased your official NESN sod from Fenway Park yet? No? I'm guessing they're scraping gum off the bottom of the grandstand seats as we speak, for the next official NESN offering, complete with an "unplanned" skit in the booth in which the RemDawg and D.O. chew pieces of the year-old gum on the air and try to tell us how great it tastes.

Remember The New Kids on the Block? Of course you do. As you might recall, they were huge around 1990 or so. My sister was 13 at the time. She was right in the heart of NKOTB's target demo. I still hear Hangin' Tough in my nightmares sometimes.

The Wahlberg family bought a house in Braintree, our hometown. Word of this soon spread among teenage girls in Braintree, and it didn't take them long to figure out the address. So my sister eventually became part of a group of hairspray chicks that would gather en masse out in front of the Wahlberg house after school every day.

One day, she came back with a bag full of grass and twigs from the Wahlbergs' front lawn. Which is basically the equivalent of purchasing Fenway grass from NESN. Oh, and soon thereafter, the Wahlbergs got a police detail outside their house, and that was the end of the teenage vigils.

*I must have missed the point at which ESPN Classics became the official dumping ground for second-rate live college football games. ESPNC carried Baylor-Army and Indiana-Kentucky Saturday. Remember my post about 11 days ago on the Celtics-Knicks game on ESPNC? Now, I don't exactly sit around watching the channel all day, but that was the last time I actually saw an old-school sporting event on ESPN Classics.

*I was happy to see Xaverian (Westwood, MA) product Zack Asack already get his first crack at collegiate gridiron action over the weekend. In my stint at the Boston Globe, Asack was one of the most intelligent, level-headed kids I came across for a "star" high school athlete, and he took track and field (where he was a state champion sprinter) as seriously as football. Asack, who is a true freshman at Duke, came on late in a 40-14 win over VMI and went 4-for-4 with a touchdown pass. A modest start? Sure. But Blue Devils coach Ted Roof was quoted as calling Asack "the future of the team" afterwards.

*Flagrant plugs for my friends, part 1: Fellow former Globie and current Foxsports.commer Andy Nesbitt is the latest on the NFL prognostication bandwagon. As usual, Andy is a good read.

*Flagrant plugs for my friends, part 2: My buddy Jason Costa of the band Diecast is the subject of a five-page spread in this month's Modern Drummer magazine. I've mentioned on the site before, Jay and I had the same drum teacher growing up -- the absolutely amazing John Horrigan of Quincy, MA -- and MD is basically the Bible of the percussion world, so I more or less felt like a giddy little kid picking up the mag and seeing my friend as the subject of such a feature. No link, sorry.

*Went to a supermarket in my neck of the woods the other night. I won't say where, but let's just say they tout themselves as the safest way to shop for groceries. So, I gave them exact change. The cashier then informed me they do not accept Canadian currency. I had given them, among my change, precisely one Canadian penny. And he was actually willing to halt the entire transaction over this. I had to ask around and bum an authentic American penny off the person in line behind me.

Now, granted, they are technically in the right. I was, indeed, attempting to pay with foreign currency. I certainly wouldn't want to shortchange them their 13/100ths of one cent (based in Monday's exchange rate). Clearly such an allowance would send their entire corporate empire tumbling.

But, ya know, there are four supermarkets within short driving distance of where I live, and I'm just stubborn enough to withhold the $30-40 a pop I spend on a typical grocery shopping trip and take it out elsewhere, if they insist on treating people that way. Hope they invest that shiny American penny well.

Dispatches from Iraq 7

2005-09-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

First of a two-part post here. We've changed the names of others involved in the story. If you're new to the site, my friend Matt, a sergeant in the Stryker Brigade currently deployed in Northern Iraq, has been checking in since June and providing snapshots of various aspects of life in Iraq from a frontline perspective. Links to the rest of the series are attached below. If you find this a worthwhile read, Matt and I ask you pass the link along to a friend or two. --Dave

ON THE ROAD TO MOSUL -- "I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain. Purple rain… purple rain. Purple rain… puuuuuuuuurple rain."

I was singing the old Artist Formerly Known as Prince tune with my friend Dana as we drove down the road. Luke was hanging his upper body out of the sunroof and making fun of our choice in songs. "You guys are losers," he said. We really only knew the chorus, so we changed song choices quickly.

"Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified to see the look in your eye," sort of mimicking Bonnie Tyler, but really the wedding singer from the movie, Old School. "Still losers," chimed our macho friend.

This could be a scene from any standard cross-country road trip in a beat-up jalopy with a few college buddies. But in this case, that couldn't be further from the truth.

The sunroof was really a gun turret mounted with a .50-caliber machine gun. The jalopy was an up-armored Humvee, the college kids were fairly seasoned soldiers, and the road trip was a night combat raid.

I'm not sure how I had perceived a night raid going down before I was actually involved in one, but I know there were never any Prince songs involved.

On this particular night, the convoy across Mosul was slow. We had started out with our traditional hum-singing of the "The A-Team" theme song on our way out of Al Kindi. "Dun duh dundun… dun duh dunnnn… bada dadun dee dun… dun duh duh dun duh." We had taken our place as the first Humvee in the convoy, following two Strykers, with the Iraqi Nissans tailing us. I was happy to be in the wake of the dark, hulking Strykers. It was much more difficult to follow the Nissans with their bright brake lights blinding us under night vision goggles. It had been my turn to drive on the night's mission. My buddy Dana was vehicle commander, and Luke was gunning, as per his usual position. Luke is hell behind a machine gun.

Luke's mechanical voice came across through the vehicle's headsets, "Man, this is a roundabout way to get there." I assured him, "It's a direct route back, man," as we drove on. We were on our way to eastern Mosul again, to raid a house on the outskirts of some field. I thought about my assignment as a Humvee driver. It was a lowly spot for an infantry team leader, but there is something to be said for driving on a combat mission. It's something I can bring to the water cooler some day. I might never be able to talk about how well my new Porsche rides, but I've driven an armored vehicle down an IED-ridden street under night vision goggles and lived to tell about it.

We arrived at our destination and I parked the vehicle strategically just outside of an intersection. Dana, our platoon leader, and the interpreter dismounted, and I continued to talk with Luke over the intercom. "Dude, it's warm tonight," I started.

"Yeah, it is," he said. "How long do you think we're going to be here?"

"Did you see the graphics?," I replied. "We could be here for hours."

To be continued.

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Dispatches from Iraq 6

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

Rasslin'

2005-09-17T14:34:00.000-07:00

A few notes on wrestling and other related topics.

*The wrestling business in the U.S. is about to get interesting again, for those of you who used to watch on Monday nights, even if you won't admit it now, and stopped watching once Vince McMahon swallowed the entire business. Since then, WWE has been behaving like most monopolies, forcing what it wants down the shrinking audience's throats rather than listening and adapting to what the audience wants.

This could very well change starting on Monday, October 3, when the WWE moves from Spike TV to the USA Network. Spike has been dominating Monday night ratings since getting WWE, and doesn't want to let go of first place.

So Spike is counterprogramming Raw with a live Ultimate Fighting special on the third; then will go with its Ultimate Fighter reality show on Mondays from there. They've also added the NWA Total Nonstop Action wrestling show after Ultimate Fighter.

NWA TNA has been around for a few years. TNA started off as an experiment in pay-per-view-only promotion, with weekly events. They scrapped that and went to monthly pay-per-views and a weekly show on Fox Spotts Net. Now they're on Spike, and going head-to-head basically because Spike wants to spite WWE.

TNA has a few wrestlers familiar to fans, like Raven, Jeff Jarrett, Kevin Nash, and Diamond Dallas Page. The Dudleys are going to debut soon.

Their best performers, though, are the guys you've probably never heard of. Wrestlers like A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and Christopher Daniels have been putting on some of the best matches in the country for small audiences the past couple years. (Joe gets Dave's World's endorsement as the best wrestling performer in the country right now, and that is not meant as a slight to the other two). With a national spotlight, even with a late time slot, these guys have the opportunity to make names for themselves the way Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero did a decade ago.

Vince McMahon is clearly taking this seriously -- he's loaded up his debut show on USA by basically bringing back every big star in the company's history short of Chief Jay Strongbow. But in the long term, if Vince wants to maintain his stranglehold on the business, he's going to need to adapt his product beyond the same soap-opera stuff that was fresh in 1998 and is stale now. A lot of the old wrestling audience have started watching UFC because they're getting the real thing with real grudges. That's going to be hard to match in a head-to-head setting. And TNA has the potential to put on better staged matches with a fraction of Vince's budget.

*Of course, neither WWE nor TNA are as good from top-to-bottom as CMLL wrestling from Mexico City. How hot is CMLL these days? According to the Wrestling Observer, CMLL is on pace to draw a million paid admissions in Mexico City alone this year. Its main weekly shows on Friday nights are drawing an average of 11,000 people to the 16,000-seat Arena Mexico. Their Sunday and Tuesday shows at 5,000-seat Arena Coliseo are averaging about 4,000. And that's just their shows in the capitol and not the rest of the circuit. (CMLL also owns both arenas and all their TV production equipment, so their profit margin must be staggering).

*Ah yes, Mistico. Haven't caught up with him in awhile. Last week, while watching him do this move where he runs across the ring, does a twisting dive over the top rope and out of the ring, grabs his opponent's arm while still in mid-air, then turns it into an arm drag as he hits the deck, I found myself thinking, boy, that looks pretty spectacular, but one of these days he's going to slightly mistime one of those and he's going to be toast. Well, I just read in the Observer that he did indeed miss one, and now will be on the sidelines awhile with a dislocated hip. Since the CMLL shows on Galavision air on a five-month delay, I'm going to pretend I never heard about Mistico's injury, then come on the blog acting all surprised one of these days when I see it on TV.

*I've been meaning for awhile to write a review on my colleagues Ed Symkus and Vin Carolan's Wrestle Radio USA: Grapplers Speak, and will eventually, but for now here's a quick plug for their book on Amazon.com

*Back tomorrow with a new Dispatches from Iraq piece.

Football Thursday

2005-09-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

This week, the Dave's World Wiseguys -- Schlitz' swillin' Shawn O'Neal; rabble-rousing Dave Scott; heterosexual male John Mayer fan Chris Forsberg; and your generally befuddled blogger -- are joined by a real-live Football Expert, Anthony Gimino. Anthony covers U. of Arizona athletics for the Tucson Citizen; is a certified bigshot with the Lindy's preview magazines; and is the former college football editor for Sportsline.com. He's also a lifelong Red Sox fan despite spending most of his life in Arizona.

On to the picks:

NFL

SO'N: Jacksonville-Indianapolis -- I'm a big fan of The Sporting News, so when I got my issue last week I rushed right to the john to read their Top 100 NFL players. The venue was appropriate. The top spot came down to Peyton Manning or Tom Brady. They picked Peyton Manning, based largely on his numbers. Now, I admit to not being the most astute of NFL observers, but I thought that Super Bowl thing I watch Tom Brady win seemingly every winter was pretty important. But that's months away and since this is a meaningless mid-September game, that means only one thing. Yup, it's Manning time!

(Dave D. interjects: And here is this week's Dave's World Peyton Manning Fun Fact: Did you think the Patriots are Peyton's only daddies? Long before NFL pundits started ignoring all the losses to New England, there were the Florida Gators. Peyton's Tennessee Vols went 0-4 against Florida, including four first-half Peyton interceptions in a 35-29 loss in 1996. But, I'm sure the Gators DBs were clutching and grabbing the UT wideouts).

Kansas City-Oakland -- What's with the freaking Chiefs? Before going out and running over the Jets last Sunday, Larry Johnson reportedly tuned up his girlfriend when he was caught in a local bar with another woman. This was just the latest brush with the fuzz for Johnson and he's just the
latest Chief to visit the inside of a county facility in recent
months as Eric Warfield, Todd Collins, Lawrence Tynes, Junior Siavii
and Greg Wesley all have taken advantage of the NFL's Booking
Experience. With all these criminals, Oakland fans might have a hard
time deciding who to throw their urine on this week. When it's a game
of cons, gotta go with the pros -- gimme Oakland.

Philadelphia-San Francisco -- It's a damn shame that one team from the NFC West has to make the playoffs. It's the sole reason people were talking about the Arizona Cardinals as a possible surprise team. The Arizona Cardinals. THE ARIZONA FREAKING CARDINALS. The NFL should take a cue from the NCAA Tournament and force the winner of this division to play a qualifying game to gain actual admittance into the postseason. In the meantime, 0-1 Philadelphia is in a very bad mood and the San Francisco 49ers are simply very bad. Oh yeah, Terrell Owens takes on his former team. Has ESPN mentioned that?

AG: Washington-Dallas -- God, I'm getting old, because the first thing I Do when hearing Redskins-Cowboys is slip into Chris Berman mode and
conjure up memories of Chris Hanburger and Billy Kilmer, Golden Richards and Randy White. Speaking of old-timers ... I guess a 73-year-old Drew Bledsoe is better than a 65-year-old Mark Brunell. Washington couldn't even hit double-digits last week, so it'll be the Cowboys in one of those god-awful NFL low-scoring games. You know, the kind you get about eight of every week.

San Diego-Denver -- Chargers tight end Antonio Gates has become my favorite player (other than Marshall Faulk ... our host Dave could tell
you why if he didn't have a ban on discussing current and former fantasy
teams), if only because it gives my work life infinitesimal meaning after
editing about a billion words on college sports for The Sports Xchange. While furiously hitting the page down button (my chosen mode of, er, editing the MAC basketball file), there would always be nugget about the "burly Gates of Kent State." Makes me kind of feel like I knew him before all you Fantasy grabbers did. I feel special. Score twice Sunday, Antonio. For me.

(DD interjects: Grrrr ... nope, not taking the bait. I said "no fantasy talk," and I stand by it. As for the MAC, I certainly do not hit the "page down" button, AG ... I stop and edit out all the "MAC deserves seven NCAA bids"-type references. Two rules of thumb about the MAC: 1. Outside the Midwest, the country underrates it; 2. But not 1/10th as bad as MAC boosters overrate it.)

Pittsburgh-Houston -- For a guy who prefers the college pigskin
game, I still had a tough time with the Steelers new running back. OK, Obscure ACC Running Backs for $500 ... which NFL starter rushed for 181 yards as a senior in 2003? Couldn't have answered that last week, but any undrafted guy like Willie Parker who makes a mockery of the NFL's multi-million-dollar scouting machine -- and who will run for more than 100 yards again this week -- is just fine by me.

Dave S.: New England-Carolina -- Have I told you guys about the RV trip I once finagled from SPORT magazine back in the late-90s?

I should. But for now –- this one isolated, slo-mo memory: After a two-day stop at Clemson, the Shots-captained RV had to rise at some unpleasant hour (before 8 a.m., methinks) and travel the couple of hours (or it seemed) to Carolina’s stadium in Charlotte. It was not an easy morning, to say the least. There was an expense account abused to its fullest the night before and a pair of shredded shorts in my duffel bag.

Those two events might have been related.

The tent I (we?) slept in has not been habitable since. Carolina might have actually played that day –- I can’t be sure. I remember enjoying the stadium and its, ah, facilities. That’s what I think of anytime I see the Panthers.

Sometimes you just wonder: Why does he share these stories with us? And why does he waste our time?

No Kris Jenkins in the middle for the ‘Thers means Corey Dillon redeems himself from the lackluster opening night showing. (Look at us, criticizing our own running backs? Cocky bastards we are.) Pats by 10ish.

Baltimore-Tennessee -- We went over our (DD-mandated) 100-word limit by 70 on the previous pick so this one gets short shrift -– and deservedly so after the Ray Lewis Display of Sunday night. In my most cynical state I came up with this new sub-slogan for the NFL: “Come See Our Non-Convicted Killers Perform Lewd Dances in Pregame and Then Get Their Shaking Asses Handed to Them. Thank you.” Baltimore redeems (see a theme here?) itself with an ass-whoopin’ of their own.

St. Louis-Arizona -- This game will confuse my dad, The Baze, to no end. Fortunately The Baze hasn’t laid money on the pros since Kenny in Chelsea closed up shop back in the 80s. Just explaining the home-city travel patterns of these two franchises might take until after game time to explain to my old man. And he’d still pick the wrong team. Just like his son who, figuring Arizona can redeem itself from the Big Rout of last week, takes the Cards in a close one.

(DD: Since I'm stepping all over everyone else's picks this week, I may as well add my dad still calls the Colts "Baltimore.")

Forzy: Tampa Bay-Buffalo -- I asked a friend who is the starting Tampa Bay quarterback before the season began and he replied, "I dunno, Shaun King?" The point being that the Bucs are one more losing season away from having that Super Bowl title revoked and bringing back those light orange jerseys and helmets with the red, winking pirate. (The whole 2002 season was odd to begin with, but the Bucs winning a Super Bowl title just iced the cake). That being said, this team looked decent in beating the Vikings last week. Buffalo, meanwhile, settled for five field goals in its season-opening victory and field goals are not going to win you many games. On a positive note, we give Buffalo's uniforms a
thumbs up.

Jets-Miami -- On the heels of his six-fumble, three-sack, one-interception performance against a miserable Kansas City defense in Week 1, Chad Pennington heads into this game on a short leash. When Pennington fumbles on the opening series, Jets coach Herm Edwards will have no choice but to call the bullpen and the Miami sideline will gasp as former Dolphin Jay Fielder starts warming up. Fielder, despite a career of mediocrity, will enter and use his Dartmouth education to outsmart his former teammates, who are shockingly unable to rally
behind Gus Frerotte (no really, Gus Frerotte is an NFL starting
quarterback).

Minnesota-Cincinnati -- I'm not fortunate enough to have DirecTV, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the 10-minute game replays on the NFL Network -- On Demand. The best part is listening to the announcers from other cities. This week it was a toss-up between Minnesota and San Diego for the announcing team that was most despondent when their home team lost. The Minnesota color guy just kept moaning, "Oh no" as Carnell Williams broke the decisive 71-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter of the Vikings' 24-13 loss to Tampa Bay. I'm rooting for Minnesota this week because I think one of these guy's heads might explode if they put up a ton of offense. I bet they have a whole pile of catchphrases ready to go. (However, don't be surprised to see Daunte Culpepper tank the season just so Chad Pennington can't steal that NFL fumble record Culpepper set a couple years back.)

DD: Atlanta-Seattle -- A couple friends of mine went to Seattle for a wedding a couple years back. In their spare time, they took a Safeco Field tour, and walked by Qwest Field. Their judgment on Qwest: "It looks like a giant vulva." Of this, I am not convinced, but I admit I don't exactly look for these type of things when I walk by stadia. Anyway, my head might explode thinking of all the possibilities for bad jokes about Qwest as The Big V, so I'll just say the Falcons win.

Giants-New Orleans -- Did I really see the Giants pile up a bunch of points on the Cardinals last week? Because it seems I've spent my entire life as a football fan turning on the TV hoping to see a good matchup in the second game of a CBS or FOX doubleheader, only to have the Boston affiliate stubbornly shove the Giants and Cardinals down viewers' throats, while the rest of the country watches something like Cowboys-Niners. And the score was perpetually 6-3 in the third quarter, or maybe 9-7. Anyway, no doubt about it, the Saints are America's Team this year and this is going to be road win No. 2 for our favorite vagabonds.

Cleveland-Green Bay -- I went with my friend Mark to the Red Sox-Orioles game in Baltimore on the Sunday night before the All-Star Break in 1996, the game in which Mo Vaughn hit a massive two-out, two-run homer in the ninth for a Sox win. Earlier in the game, Mark made a loud comment about how Cal Ripken needed to sit out awhile, figuring it would rile up the Baltimorons (is that what they're called? I dunno). Instead, a bunch of people turned around and nodded in agreement. I'm guessing the same is going to start happening soon in Green Bay with Brett Favre, but not this week. Sorry, Romeo.

Dave's World does not care about: Detroit-Chicago.

NFL scoreboard after Week 1: SO'N, CF, DS 2-1; DD 1-2.

COLLEGES

CF: Florida State-Boston College -- My buddy Adam Kurkjian and I love EA Sports' NCAA Football series of video games. A couple years back they finally included Division 1-AA schools like Northeastern (our alma mater) in the game, so we excitedly started a dynasty, thrust the Huskies into the ACC and slowly built a national champion (over like 47 years of tireless recruiting). The thing was, we always scheduled two cupcake non-conference games to start the season (Morgan State refused to play us after 36 consecutive beatings). So those first few years we'd go like 4-7 with two guaranteed wins and two flukes. Do you hear what I'm saying Boston College? Sure, you're no I-AA patsy jumping into the ACC fire, but suffice it to say that the Seminoles ain't exactly Rutgers. FSU wins.

(DD: No, the Forz wasn't getting off without some sort of comment. So, I can attest to the fact Chris is the most ruthless video game player of all-time. I'd be at his place at four in the morning, bleary-eyed, playing NHL. I'd be someone like the Red Wings or Avalanche and he'd be the Bruins, and he'd be winning 12-1 in the third and wouldn't let up. He'd still have his first line out there and wouldn't pull Byron Dafoe for Kay Whitmore. You're a pal, Chris.)

DS: Miami-Clemson -- Tying it all together for this week’s Scott’s Shots picks is the fact that this one will be played just down the road from the Esso Club on the campus of leafy and lady-filled Clemson (see above Clemson story). It has the potential to be the Ohio State-Texas of last week, which was really just a pleasure to watch. A loss for Miami could cause ‘Cane turmoil of a Ron Zook/Florida proportion. We like train wrecks like that, so we’re going with the Tigers. And a big hearty hello to all their southern belles who still give Shots goosebumps when he harkens back to the walk around that Clemson RV lot.

AG: Tennessee-Florida -- I think Florida quarterback Chris Leak gets it. Really, really gets it. The whole Urban Meyer shotgun-spread thing,
Quick reads, quarterback options ... the works. Leak or Tennessee QB Rick Clausen? Really, who do you think is going to win this game? Meyer is going to own Tennessee like Spurrier did (minus the "You can't spell Citrus without U-T" taunt.)

DD: Oklahoma-UCLA -- Somewhere along the way, UCLA football became the college football equivalent of the Clippers in LA, at least in terms of attention, and Southern Cal became the Lakers. Well, UCLA is going to elbow their way back onto the scene and be one of several Pac-10 teams that will make USC hustle (Cal, Arizona State, and possibly Oregon and Washington State the others). Now, that said, UCLA's win will also serve to cement Oklahoma's status as that team you get at the start of every college hoops and football season that gets badly overblown and takes a quick tumble (last year in football it was Missouri).

SO'N: Idaho-Washington -- My hatred of Washington has no bounds. I'm a Washington State grad in a family full of Dirty Huskies. But even I didn't enjoy last year's 1-10 UW season like I should have. It was like watching a bar bully finally get his. The first few punches were great. And it soon became obvious the Purple Pukes were not getting up. But they kept getting kicked, and kicked, and hit with beer mugs and pool cues and then chicks started lining up to get their licks in, and then the bartender, and then the priest who was just walking down the street. I actually started to feel sorry for them. But I'm over that. They're 0-2, their coach is a humorless cyborg and I'm married to an Idaho grad. I care less about my picking record than my ability to look at myself in the mirror. As Lee Corso said last week —- "I don't care who Washington is playing, I'll take the other guys."

Scoreboard: CFB after two weeks: Dave D., Dave S.: 2-0; SO'N, Forsberg: 1-1.

Pertinent football links

Sheriff Sully has his own football thing going, which is especially recommended for those of you who wager a few bucks on football

Dave's World Football Thursday Week Two

Randolph's Random Picks,

prognosticating since 1995.

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, for which Dave's World is ranked last in the "NFL Guru" division after Week 1. That is problem No. 1 right there -- the only subject for which I merit "guru" status is Mexican wrestling.

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Get me outta heah

2005-09-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dave's World's main goals for today involve shutting off the computer and getting out of the house, so we'll keep this short and sweet.

One observation I've been meaning to make for awhile: The radio station in Seattle that broadcasts Howard Stern is airing the same "Howard Stern: free 'til the end of the year," and "After this year, you'll have to pay Sirius cash" ads that they play on WBCN in Boston. Which leads me to believe the two stations have the same parent company and that they're probably running this ad across the country.

The thought that crosses my brain every single time I hear these ads: "Who is the idiot who came up with this?" Who decided, "Let's keep reminding our listeners over and over that our prized commodity is ditching us" would make a smart radio campaign? All the ads have done is make me consider investing in Sirius or XM, especially since everyone I know who has it raves about it, mainly because satellite radio lacks all the crap that makes a large portion of commercial radio unlistenable dreck. Such as those commercials.

Dave's World Football Thursday will be back tomorrow. In the meantime, if you're looking for something to read, Matt Kalman's Boston Bruins coverage on the New England Hockey Journal website is as solid as anything you get from the bigger media outlets in the city.

Chile's Corner

2005-09-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

THE GREATEST RIVALRY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

By Chile Hidalgo

"They suck ... Hopefully that will shut them up for the next three or
four years." -- U.S. national soccer team midfielder Landon Donovan.

"(They're) a little team...It's easy for them, because they aren't
playing under any pressure. My mother, my grandmother, or my great
grandmother could play in a team like that." -- Mexican national team coach Ricardo Lavolpe.

"They do a lot of talking. They haven't beat us in a long time here.
I'm kind of sick of it. There's no better scenario than to beat them
easily." -- Donovan.

"We're the giants of the CONCACAF, and we're going to continue showing
it." -- Lavolpe.

If the above comments were made in relation to any professional sporting event in the United States other than a 2006 World Cup qualifying match, they would've been plastered on about four different places on ESPN's website; various analysts would have sadly shaken their heads at Donovan and Lavolpe; and Stephen A. Smith would have invited US national teamer DaMarcus Beasley onto his show to discuss the comments.

Instead, because the comments occurred in the wake of the US's 2-0 victory over Mexico and classification for the 2006 World Cup in Germany, almost no one in this country has heard about them.

Granted, soccer is slightly less popular than ESPN's Outdoor Games canine frisbee retrieval competition, but if you're a sports fan, you're doing yourself a huge disservice if you're not at least tuning in to the US-Mexico rivalry every so often.

To bring you up to date: Mexico's national soccer team dominated the
CONCACAF (the regional world cup qualifying group that includes North and Central America) for the better part of the 20th century, pretty much like the Yankees dominated the American League. From 1950 through 2002, Mexico finished 1st in CONCACAF World Cup qualifying 9 out of 11 times (Mexico hosted the World Cup in 1970 and 1986 and did not have to qualify in those years). Up until the 2002 World Cup, when they advanced to the quarterfinals and lost to eventual finalist Germany, the U.S. was generally considered the soccer equivalent of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers before their Super Bowl win.

From 1930 through 1986, U.S. World Cup highlights were few and far between: There was a fourth-place finish (out of 13 teams) in the inaugural event in 1930; and a staggering 1-0 upset of England in the first round in 1950.

That marked the team's last Cup appearance until 1990, when it beat Trinidad and Tobago on the last day of qualifying to make the World Cup.

The US has played four straight World Cups (as a side note, the US has a longer active streak of World Cup appearances than its rival; Mexico failed to qualify in 1990), beginning with the 1990 appearance. The US has not lost at home to Mexico since 1999 (For its part, the U.S. has never won a qualifying match in Mexico). Discounting the World Cup in 1998 (in which is went 0-3 and scored one goal), the national team has dramatically improved in international play.

The Mexican team mostly fails to acknowledge the American rise and attributes the team's success to conspiracies by referees, shadowy international plots, and sketchy American nationalization policies, among other factors.

The rivalry reached 2004 ALCS levels in the 2002 World Cup in South Korea, when the US knocked out Mexico, 2-0. Mexico seemed to regain the upper hand with a 2-1 victory when the teams played their World Cup qualifier at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City. In FIFA's latest rankings, Mexico was No. 5 and the US was No. 6.

Which brings us to the Sept. 3 match in Columbus (televised on ESPN Classic, not available in some cable markets in Southern Connecticut, where I was visiting my dad. I was thus forced to watch the somewhat biased Telemundo coverage). Barring an unexpected collapse, both teams were close to guaranteed a spot in the World Cup, but you wouldn't know it based on the intensity of the match. The US came out attacking heavily, but Mexico held their ground and took control of the game in towards the end of the half. The teams played to a scoreless tie in the first half (yeah, yeah, insert a random joke about 0-0 ties in soccer here). Mexico almost snuck one in right before halftime, but Kasey Keller made a sprawling save on a shot to the lower right corner to preserve the shutout.

Mexico seemed content to put 11 men behind the ball and foul the
lightning-fast-but-Chile-sized (5'7", 126 lbs) DaMarcus Beasley.

Ten minutes into the second half, Steve Ralston (of the MLS' New England Revolution) scored on a rebound off a header (to give you an idea of the quality of coverage of the game, the header was ascribed to defender Oguchi Onyewu or Landon Donovan, depending on the publication consulted for a post-game report). About five minutes later, the US again scored off a corner on one of the most gorgeous goals I've seen the US put in. At this point, Mexico began making wholesale substitutions, hacking away at American players any time they got near the ball, and, in time-honored soccer tradition, berating the ref and waving their arms around at every blow of the whistle.

Following the game, players on both sides took potshots at the other
team (see quotes above), and then Mexico put on their Tuff cleats and
beat Panama (0-6-2 in CONCACAF WC qualifying) in their next game, 5-0,
tying the U.S. atop the CONCACAF group with two games to go and showing everyone their giganticality in the CONCACAF. The US, on the other hand, sent their starters home, fielded a team of reserves, and tied Guatemala 0-0 on the road. Lavolpe's great-grandmother did not participate in the match.

Disappointingly enough, the rivalry has probably settled down for the
moment, at least until next summer in Germany. As a distraction in the
meantime, I highly recommend Ralston's Revolution, who have the most
points and wins in the MLS and boast three US national team players and one player each from Grenada's, Trinidad and Tobago's, and Panama's national teams, but alas no Mexican nationals.

Chile's Corner 8/30: KEEP YOUR STUFF OFF THE SINK

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Monday Musings

2005-09-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

*So I had SportsCenter on in the background last night, and looked up and saw Stuart Scott gesticulating in an animated manner, and it dawned on me that ESPN's studio shows would be far more entertaining if you could actually see the marionette strings moving the anchors around.

*You know what the Jets' lopsided loss to Kansas City means? It means we're spared the "All-New York Super Bowl" talk that pops up every time the Jets and Giants start off 1-0.

*How many weeks until either Keyshawn Johnson or Terry Glenn decide they're not getting the ball enough down in Dallas?

*Some random thoughts from College Football Week 2:

--College football is simply better when Notre Dame is on top. Doesn't matter if you love the Fighting Irish or hate them. College football needs ND to thrive the same way the NBA needs the Lakers and baseball needs the Red Sox and Yankees to do well. And make no mistake about it -- Charlie Weis wants this job far more than any NFL job could entice him. He's a Notre Dame graduate. He already has three Super Bowl rings. What could be better for a Notre Dame grad than to be the person who restores the program back to where everyone associated with the school feels it belongs?

--And while Weis is winning at Michigan with Tyrone Willingham's recruits, Willingham's new team, the University of Washington, has now lost in Seattle to Air Force and lost at home to Cal 56-17. In fairness, on the UW end of things, at this point this is more a reflection on just how badly things fell apart under the prior regime, as he inherited a 1-10 team. Either way, you'll hear a ton more about this in about a week, since Notre Dame travels to U-Dub on Sept. 24 . . . And, keeping with the Northwest theme, Washington State is 2-0, as it followed its opener over Idaho with a 55-21 win over Nevada. Next up for the Cougs is Grambling. After Grambling, there is a bye week, but I can check in with my alma mater, UMass Boston, and see if the Beacons want to re-assemble their disbanded program in time for a game if Wazzu wants another cupcake.

--Can we please have more matchups like Ohio State-Texas? What a finish. Too many top-flight schools avoid matchups like these because it hurts their BCS chances. If anything, this is further argument for a legitimate national tournament. A team like Ohio State could easily absorb a loss to a school like Texas and still qualify for a 16-team tournament. But either way, what would either school have gained through scheduling another game like Appalachian State? Instead, we got a matchup that presented the sport in a great light and delivered on the field. More, please.

--Oklahoma sure looks like this year's big, gigantic fraud. The Sooners followed up their stinker against TCU (which lost to SMU Saturday, I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think that was SMU's first win since they got hit with the death penalty a couple decades back) by struggling to hold off Tulsa. If Adrian Peterson wasn't an absolute thoroughbred halfback, they'd be in even bigger trouble.

*Hey, so remember all that talk about how things were going to change for the Boston Bruins once the new collective bargaining agreement got put in place? How the league's economics were the reason they couldn't re-sign the players they had, much less go after top-flight free agents? We were reminded about once a week that Boston was one of the few teams in the league to turn a profit every year under the old arrangement. Well, the lockout has come and gone, salaries were dramatically slashed, and there was a salary cap put into place.

And I just took a peak at Bruins ticket prices for the new season. And, well, under the new system, the one that replaced the old system from which the Bruins were already drawing a profit, the cheapest seat in the loge is $79, and that's for behind the net and in the corners; and a 10th row seat in the balcony sets you back $42 a pop.

And the Bruins have been signing their usual gaggle of third-liners and over-the-hill types.

In other words, business as usual.

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Sunday

2005-09-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Dispatches from Iraq will be back with a new installment next Sunday.

If you'd like to help out the victims of Hurricane Katrina, Craigslist New Orleans has a ton of links with ways to help people on a micro level. There are also links to all the big relief agencies that are doing a ton of good, plus links to Craigslist sites in other cities affected by the storm. If you have yet to get off your butt and actually do something to help -- and I didn't get around to writing a check for anything until this weekend, myself -- stop with the excuses and just do it, already.

* * * * *

So, I've never smoked crack (honest), but based on the first half of my first day with DirecTV NFL Sunday Ticket, I am having a hard time believing the drug could be anywhere near as addictive as all NFL, all day, at my fingertips. Wow. Flipping through the channels in the fourth quarter is something else.

As for the Red Sox' 1-0 loss to the Yankees today, nothing to get too worried about. You win some of those and you lose some, and when you lose them you tip your cap and move on. That's baseball. It happens.

Caught little tidbits here and there of the Seahawks-Jaguars game, the first time the 'Hawks have been my "hometown" team since Sept., 2000. Ummm, let's see ... Seahawks Coach for Life Mike Holmgren used a conservative offense, had to scramble at the end when it was obvious the team was coming up short, and lost. Sounds like nothing's changed. (Remember that time the Seahawks won a playoff game? I do. I think I was in fourth grade, maybe third, but I remember watching the game and then going out sledding with my friend Cal, then my mom made us hot cocoa afterwards).

Sox-Yanks part 2

2005-09-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'll probably wrap this up soon unless something catastrophic or bizarre happens in the late innings, which of course you can't rule out. For one thing, the game's completely one-sided, for another, CMLL wrestling is on. Mistico and Safari just completed a stirring victory over Hooligan and Dr. Equis, which prompted a long celebration, which in turn prompted Ultimo Guerrero to come out and issue some sort of challenge.

BTW, can someone explain Gabe Kapler's popularity to me? OK, he hustles, and that counts for something, and he's a good fielder. But he's a .220 hitter and was in Japan earlier this season for a reason.

Incidentally, has anyone else noticed that Roger Clemens hasn't won a game since his non-steroid non-suspension: 0-3 in his past six starts, all of which were Astros losses.

Either way, Curt Schilling's performance today has been exactly what the Sox needed. He's been getting better and better with each start. The past two months we've basically been watching Schilling go through his injury rehab process on a major-league roster, and he seems to be rounding into shape. Today, though, was the first time all season we saw the swaggering Curt, the one who had the audacity to make a commercial saying he's coming to Boston to end an 86-year curse, then actually made it happen. The sort of performance that makes you look the other way when he does things like wearing Steelers gear on TV interviews, then put on a Tom Brady shirt when he's on the field in Foxboro, or how he waits until he knows the camera is on him before pulling his Jesus necklace out and talking to it. He was absolutely masterful for six innings and tired a bit in the seventh but still got out without any damage. If Curt is indeed getting things together in mid-September, after what happened last year, he just might be ready to add another chapter to what's already one of the most amazing legacies ever for a Boston athlete.

Lord, do we have an awful main event lined up for CMLL today. Guerrero and Rey Bucanero are teaming with Universo 2000 to face off against El Hijo de Perro Aguayo, Canek, and Canek Jr. First off, U2000 is so old that when he first got the name, it seemed futuristic. Secondly, teaming him with Guerrero and Bucanero would have been like matching Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson with Baron Von Raschke in the mid-1980s. Now as for the opposition, Canek makes U2000 look young. Here's a Mexican wrestling history lesson you never asked for: Canek was the big up-and-coming star in the 1970s. He got fed up with low pay from CMLL (then known as EMLL, but we'll get to that some other time), and he and fellow star Mil Mascaras formed the UWA. UWA had a huge two-decade run, but fell apart because Canek insisted on keeping himself the champ long after the public got sick of him, so UWA ultimately died a brutal death. Now Canek is 194 years old and and back in CMLL still lousing up six-man main events, and dragging his son into the mix as well.

*Uh-oh, I've angered Dave's World reader North Shore Benjamin, whose two favorite teams are the Boston Lobsters and the 1973 NBA champion New York Knicks:

Do you NOT remember Game 5 Eastern Conference First Round at Boston Garden when Maurice Cheeks played 48 minutes, Patrick Ewing hit his first career 3 pointer and the Knicks beat LARRY BIRD and the C's three games to two after being down 2-0.

Oh, and then there was Martin Luther King Day in 1987 when Louis Orr hit a half court shot at the buzzer to beat Larry Bird and the C's (I was there).

And the best one ever, Christmas Day 1985 (my first NBA game as a 10 year old)!!! Knicks down 25 in the first half, rally to win in double OT -- the shining moment of Ewing's rookie year -- against Larry Bird's Celtics.

You got me, Ben ... three wins in a decade or so. Unfortunately, David Stern could only rig the draft lottery and not who went to the Finals, back then.

OK, first three batters of the eighth reach. Thanks for the effort today Curt, but time to take a seat.

And hey ... Fox's trivia question asked who was the last A.L. MVP that didn't come out of the West division. The answer was Mo Vaughn in 1995. A decade of West MVPs. Remember that the next time you hear someone whine about East Coast bias.

Sox-Yanks part 1

2005-09-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

Alright, I don't think this will be a running diary as much as just a few posts during the game. I woke up right around the time the game started it was the middle of the second before I got up and about.

But, watching Manny Ramirez's massive home run in the first reminded me of something I need to confess -- I love watching the Red Sox play at Yankee Stadium. I love getting on the train at 28th Street station, near where a friend of mine lives, switching trains (interruption here -- John Olerud just put one in the upper deck, 3-0 Sox), and getting off at 161st. I love the absolutely pulsating energy outside the park, where Red Sox fans seek each other out and Sox and Yankees fans sort of eye each other. It used to be Yankees fans would have all sorts of taunts about 1918 and Ruth and Buckner and so on, but they were strangely quiet for some reason last time I was there, in April.

I've been to six Yankees-Sox games in the Bronx since 2001 (the Sox have won four) and have sat in the upper deck all six times. I love, again, just the incredible nervous tension in the park with 55,000 people crammed together. I love looking out at the city and watching the trains go by. (Uh-oh, there's a serious-looking meeting on the mound with Shawn Chacon -- you know it is serious when all the infielders come in and Joe Torre comes out and Brian Cashman comes down from the stands and sometimes George Steinbrenner joins in. I digress). I love how they play Rock 'n' Roll by Led Zeppelin right at the start of the game.

Say what you want about New Yorkers, but they know baseball. They absolutely do. I was at the second game of the season this year, the one in which Jason Varitek hit the game-tying homer in the top of the ninth and Derek Jeter hit the winner in the bottom of the inning, and by the third inning, was engaged in some great baseball talk with both the middle-aged guy from Queens sitting in front of me and the Puerto Rican guy from the Bronx sitting next to me and we kept talking baseball the rest of the afternoon. That does NOT happen in Seattle. Trust me on this. We gave each other crap all day for sure, but they know what they're watching in New York. The guy from Queens asked me what it was like when the Sox won the Series, and he was wearing a New York Rangers hat, so I put it terms of the Rangers winning the Stanley Cup in 1994 for the first time since 1940 and he shook his head in agreement and laughed.

So, back to Manny's homer. There's something about watching a home run at Yankee Stadium from the upper deck you can't really replicate elsewhere. I don't know if it is the way the seats are angled or how exactly it works, but David Ortiz and Ramirez's blasts just seem all that much more majestic in the Bronx.

I think I can best sum up the Sox-at-Yankee-Stadium experience with a moment from the epic 13-inning game last July, the one where Nomar needed his day off, but Jason Giambi managed to get to the plate despite his various ailments and infections. I went with my friend Matt, who is currently in Iraq. For years, I had been telling the Northwest born-and-raised Matt that yeah, Safeco Field is nice, but you don't know baseball until you've seen the Sox and Yanks play. Matt would generally deny this.

In the top of the sixth inning in that night, Manny hit the first of his two home runs of the night, an absolute moon shot to center that bounced off the hitter's backdrop and cut New York's lead to 3-2. Matt sort of sat back and watched the 10,000 or so Sox fans in attendance go bonkers, and the Yankees fans start jeering in response, and felt the heat rise several notches in the park, and he looked at me and basically smiled and said "OK, now I get it." And that was before the Sox tied the game and Jeter's catch and everything else that transpired over the next three hours.

Back to real time -- hey, what do you know? Matsui can't hang on to the ball and Manny is up. Manny drills a single. I was hoping for a grand slam to bring this post to a perfect serendipitous conclusion, but it was too much to ask. So, 5-0, bases still loaded. Base hit for Nixon, two more runs in.

You know, this series is starting to turn out just like the Memorial Day weekend series at Yankee Stadium. Remember the Friday night game? The Sox were on the verge of breaking things open, Dale Sveum killed a potential big inning waving a runner home when it was obvious he'd get thrown out by 75 feet, and the Yanks roared back to win. Then the Sox won 17-1 the next day. Last night? Sveum kills the Sox again (whoops ... Robinson Cano just threw the ball into the stands), Yanks turn the game on a dime. Now the sox are up 8-0 in the third in Saturday's game.

BTW, do you know how you can tell last night's Pitt loss to Ohio was a bad loss? When that Ohio DB returned the game-winning touchdown, you could see an open-ended end zone with high-school style bleachers and some sort of temporary tent set up behind the bleachers. There's no way a school that got a BCS berth should lose to a school with such a setup under any circumstances.

Friday fun

2005-09-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

*ESPN Classics is showing Game 6 of the 1984 playoff series between the Celtics and Knicks. I'm trying to figure out why Game 6, and not the decisive Game 7, which the Celtics won. And then I realized, this could very well be the only existing film of the Knicks beating the Celtics at any point during the Larry Bird Era, which of course would make this momentous footage indeed.

Not to mention, with the Red Sox and Yankees getting set to square off, any year prior, ESPN Classics likely would have had an all-day marathon with the 1978 one-game playoff; Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS; and the Buckner game for good measure. The tapes of Games 4-7 from last year must have gotten lost in the mail or something. So they have some airtime to fill.

Either way, in the 1984 game, one of the announcers insisted there were no way whichever team came out of the East would beat the Lakers. Oh.

*Before there were blogs, before most people had even heard of the Internet, there was Randolph Charlotin's The Arena site. Randolph's Geocities site has been up and running since 1997. Even better, his weekly NFL prognostications, Randolph's Random Picks, have been running nonstop every fall since it debuted in the UMass Boston student newspaper in 1995. Randolph, a former UMass Boston Beacons wide receiver who wore No. 82, is one of the great untapped football minds out there and it is only a matter of time until he gets his due.

*The latest thing getting caught in the media echo chamber is the notion that Chone Figgins is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Now, I mentioned in the early days of the blog that Chone is a running joke in Dave's World for myriad reasons, but seriously, I'm mystified. Wednesday I heard an ESPN announcer claim that Chone is "more valuable to the team than Vladimir Guerrero." Seriously. He said that. And it wasn't even Joe Morgan saying it. So Chone can play seven different positions. Great. That's called a utility player. And he contributed to his already lengthy resume of gagging against the Red Sox on Tuesday when he dropped an easy fly ball. I just don't get it.

*Dave's World reader Ray chimed in on my note last Saturday about Wisconsin's hideous helmets: Regarding the Wisconsin helmets -- they were throwbacks to what the 1960s Badgers wore (it was dedication day for the remodeled Camp Randall Stadium). Don't feel bad - even some of the fans who were at the game thought "boy, those new uniforms are lousy."

*Hey, so, if there are any Dave's World readers in our nation's capitol, can someone drop by Democratic Party HQ and see if anyone there is awake? Maybe their alarm clock didn't go off. This is supposed to be a two-party country, right? Someone head over there, and if you can end their little slumber party, let them know there's still a war going on in Iraq, gas is three bucks a gallon, and a major American city just got wiped out in a hurricane. Thanks.

*While I'm at it, enough with certain segments of the media congratulating themselves for the jobs they did covering Katrina. OK, you did your job. For once. You're supposed to be questioning our leaders at all times, whether the GOP or the Dems are in charge. The self back-patting this week has been the journalistic equivalent of watching the Detroit Tigers celebrate all over the field after they avoided their 120th loss on the final day of the season a few years back. Let's see where things stand a month from now, and whether the networks stay on the case, or go back to chasing after the missing white blonde bride of the week or celebrities' cats stuck up in trees, before we declare any corners turned.

*We heard from Official Dave's World Tennis Correspondent Bucknell Jared for the first time in awhile yesterday. Actually, I heard from him last week, as he was in Seattle visiting his girlfriend and we had breakfast at Easy Street Records, the greatest breakfast spot in West Seattle. But, this is the first time he's lived up to his monuemental Tennis Correspondent responsibilities in awhile, as he opines on the Agassi-Blake standoff:

Wow. The match of the decade will now go down as the greatest match I
missed. I had it all arranged perfectly ... or so I thought. Only I was
under the impression, from a brief ESPN.com perusal, that Agassi and
Blake were to start at 7 p.m. I had a big screen TV waiting for me, but
I soon found out that the men would play after the women (Davenport v.
Dementieva), who were in fact starting at 7 p.m.

And then I wimped out. The jet lag from the West Coast had caught up
with me, and I don't get USA at home ... so the prospect of heading out
to a bar at 10:30 wasn't agreeing with my body. Alas, I'm getting old.

And sure enough...when I awoke, there was the 5-set score, staring at
me on my computer, as if to say, "Man, you are a dummy. You are a poor
excuse for a tennis fan. You just missed a must-see event."

But I will say this. American tennis is alive and kicking. Agassi is a
freak of nature to still be one of the best conditioned men on the
tour. Blake is a real feel-good story. I'm not sure how one breaks his
neck on a net post, but this guy did ... and came back. Not to mention
his face paralysis and father's death that followed. And the former
Harvard star is playing the best tennis of his career, sans dreadlocks.

What I like best about all this, despite missing the match, is the
excitement. I don't want to give all the credit to Blake's cheering
section, dubbed the J-Block, but they certainly epitomize what's
missing in most professional tennis matches. I love rambunctious
tennis matches. Bring me more! One of the most exciting tennis sights
I've seen is the NCAA team championships. Imagine the J-Block in the
first row, all the way around the court. Oh, and when a team clinches,
all the other matches stop and a pig-pile ensues.

At any rate, I'm still fuming that I'm missed the match between the old
and new in US tennis. Maybe I'll catch Episode II: Agassi v. Ginepri.

Dave's World interjects: I've always been basically a casual fan of tennis, and I have to agree with Bucknell Jared's assessment on rambunctious play. My earliest memories of watching tennis as a kid involve McEnroe-Borg and McEnroe-Connors and I just seem to remember it being pure bedlam whenever I tuned in. Tennis needs more of that and less of the tennis-playing robots.

*OK, according to my DirecTV, we're getting Sox-Yanks out here tomorrow. Assuming I'm up in time and coherent (that former is likely, the latter a dicey proposition at any time of day), we'll be doing a running diary of some sort.

*We at Dave's World HQ have been tracking recent decisions made by the American League dean of discipline, Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson. Among Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson's recent rulings:

--Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson upheld Boston's David Wells' six-game suspension for his outburst against an umpire.
--Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson reduced Yankee Gary Sheffield's suspension for an umpire tirade that was a carbon copy of Wells' from two games to one.
--Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson reduced the suspension of Tampa's Dewon Brazelton from five games to three, for his role in Tampa's brawl with the Red Sox in April.

We're not implying anything about Former Longtime Yankee Bob Watson's objectivity, however. No sir.

*Oh yeah … last night's Patriots game. Umm, well, the offense continues to be a well-oiled machine and the halftime defensive adjustments shut the opponent down. Nothing out of the ordinary. This posted started with one dynasty, the Celtics, and finishes with another, the Pats. And that's appropriate because the New England schedule is getting to have the same feel as the Celtics at their peak, where you looked forward to the Lakers games and maybe the Rockets and Sixers and eventually MJ, but everything else was just filler. Same deal with the Pats -- there are the games you mark on your calendar like the Colts and next week against the Panthers, and then there's everything else. If you're a non-Bostonian reading this, sorry, that's just how it is.

Football Thursday

2005-09-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

How do you know it is time to start the NFL season? Easy: When there's a showcase national TV prime-time game coming from Foxboro.

Which means, of course, the Dave's World Wiseguys -- Shawn O'Neal of the Lindy's preview magazines; Dave Scott of Scott's Shots; future all-star sportswriter Chris Forsberg; and some clown with a blog -- are ready to roll.

This week's special guest panelist is Boston comedian Dan Sally. Dan hosts at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge on Thursday nights; has appeared in the Boston Comedy Festival three years running; and has opened for Kevin Nealon. I've been friends with Dan since high school and we know enough about each other's pasts to completely ruin each other's careers if we so chose.

On to the picks:

NFL

*SO'N: Seattle at Jacksonville -- Picking any game involving the Seahawks is a tough proposition, unless it's an important one. When that's the case, pick against them and feel comfortable all will be well. No team has mastered the choke-when-it-matters approach better than Mike Holmgren's team. That said, this game means virtually nothing, the Seahawks started each of the past two seasons 3-0, and defensive coordinator Ray Rhodes won't be with the team after a brief stay in the hospital for bouts of dizziness. If I was a heartless ass I'd make a joke off that, instead I'll just take the 'Hawks.

New York Jets at Kansas City -- Trent Green vs. Chad Pennington ... you gotta love NFL football, baby! But seriously, here's your stat of the week: KC is 7-4 in home games during the first half of the season since 2002. What does that mean? I have no freaking clue, but some tout sheet thought it important, so I figured I'd share it with you. People pay for this crap? The Jets are a better team, but the Chiefs will be fired up after pretty much blowing their entire 2004 season in Weeks 1-3. They are in no hurry this season, figuring weeks 2-17 provide plenty of time to blow chow.

Tennessee at Pittsburgh -- Speaking of blowing Chow, the good folks of Nashville are plenty excited about their new offensive coordinator. The problem is, the Titans hired Norm Chow away from USC, but they didn't get Matt Leinart or Reggie Bush. In lieu of actual research -- my preferred approach -- I'll pick this one blind and say it's gonna be Pittsburgh in a walk.

*Dan: Dallas at San Diego -- San Diego is the often-overlooked home of the fish taco. They are absolutely delicious. I think more people would eat fish tacos if it didn't sound like some filthy innuendo you'd hear in junior high, but such is the fish taco's fate. I think they'd really increase their selling power if they went by their Spanish name, "taco de los pescados". Anyway, San Diego also has someone named "Igor" on the defensive line. I predict Igor builds a super-team out of the reanimated body parts of convicts, scaring Dallas into submission.

Houston at Buffalo -- First off: Houston has a football team? Color me baffled, because I thought this franchise moved when they struck oil in Tennessee. I did a little research on both teams and, according to ESPN's web site, Houston has "Playoff Ambitions". That's the type of moxie that wins ball games. I say Tennesseein' is Tennebelievin' friends -- Houston all the way!

Arizona at Giants -- I'm convinced the only reason states like Arizona have pro teams is so out-of-state transplants can watch their hometown team beat someone without having to board a plane. Seeing as this week's game is at Giants Stadium, the waters are a tad muddied. The game is decided in the end by the Giants' secret weapon -- a donkey specially trained to kick field goals.

Forzy: Detroit over Green Bay -- Did you hear the audible groan when Jeff Garcia snapped his leg last week? Everyone in Motown was thinking
some variation of, "Why couldn't that have been Joey Harrington" or,
"Uh-oh, now we're really stuck with Joey Harrington." Fortunately for
Detroit, Brett Favre enters the 2005 campaign in peak shape to single-
handedly lead his team to 5-to-7 losses with ill-advised
passes into coverage. I love his toughness, but if I'm a Green Bay
fan I cringe every time Favre starts looking to throw while on the run.

Minnesota over Tampa Bay -- No Moss, no problem. Get used to Daunte Culpepper doing that touchdown celebration where he looks like he's calling a traveling violation in slow motion. There will be MVP whispers as he spreads the ball around to a talented receiving corps of Nate Burleson, Marcus Robinson, Travis Taylor and recently-signed Koren Robinson. I've already written a half-dozen "Can you believe he's doing this all without Moss!?" stories if any of the papers in the Twin Cities are looking to stock up before the holiday season. Minnesota wins big in this one. Mike Tice couldn't scalp these tickets if the NFL let him.

New England over Oakland -- I was at Building 19 the other day
(actually Building 19 1/10 as the one in Worcester, MA is labeled) and
bought a snow globe inscribed as "The Kick in the Snow." It shows
Adam Vinatieri booting one of his two field goals from the 2001 "Snow
Bowl" at Foxboro Stadium. I eBayed tickets to each home game for me and my dad that magical season, probably spending every cent I made as a college student. I even lucked into the most perfect 50-yard line seats for that game against Oakland and it's easily the greatest sporting event I've ever attended. More drama than the O.C. that evening. Long story short, I put that snow globe on the TV at my new home and that should ensure the Patriots win Thursday. (Hey Dave, are we supposed to be unbiased with these picks?)

*Dave S: Cincy at Cleveland -- I can't pronounce his name and I can't spell it. But the other receiver, not the Chad Johnson receiver, is one of my favorites from last year, so this one's gotta be a Cincy rout. (The underlying logic within that statement: I don't believe Romeo Crennel will be able to stop a vaunted passing attack. He always seemed like the run-stopping kind of defensive coach to me.)

New Orleans at Carolina -- It feels wrong to pick against the Saints. Wrong on a lot of levels, but mostly on the level that whispers in your ear: Who the hell gives a crap about football when a major American city has been washed away? That said, New Orleans will be everyone's sentimental pick for the whole season. But this weekend at least, sentimentality gets beaten by the Panthers.

Philly at Atlanta -- Midget Quarterback Day in Atlanta. Too bad the back-ups aren't Doug Flutie and Emmanuel Lewis. Ba-dump-bump. This has potential to be many things: a pre-cursor to the NFC Championship; a shoot-out; and quite possibly the best game of the month. It also has the potential to be an overbearing Monday night dissection of everything that has gone on between TO and Donovan F. McNabb. We'll go with Atlanta as the betting man but re-avow our long-held belief that Donovan Eff is the most intriguing personality in the NFL.

*Dave D.: Indianapolis at Baltimore -- Let me tell you what you're going to hear from every screaming talking head and sheep-like columnist around the country on Monday after the Colts win, so you don't have to waste your time reading or watching any of it: THIS WIN PROVES THIS IS PEYTON MANNING'S YEAR!!!!! JUST HAND HIM THE VINCE LOMBARDI TROPHY NOW!!!! ALL THOSE GAMES AGAINST THE PATRIOTS NEVER HAPPENED!!! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!! Etc. I just might run a Peyton Fun Fact every week. This week's is that Peyton threw four interceptions against the Patriots in the AFC title game two seasons ago.

Chicago at Washington -- There's something fascinating about the fact that Mark Shapiro, the guy who turned ESPN into a network with programming that appears to be aimed at that hyperactive kid in your fifth-grade class with ADD who tried too hard to fit in with the cool clique, is going to work for Dan Snyder, who blows up his team and starts from scratch once every three days or so. Now, the end result of all those direction changes is that the Redskins suck, so I'll go with the Bears.

Denver at Miami -- First off, answering Chris's question above, no, you don't have to be unbiased. Which gives me the freedom to say that, having been raised in the tail end of the old Orange Bowl jinx and all the times the Pats came up short against Dolphins, it has been absolutely, thoroughly enjoyable to see Miami completely fall apart in recent years. Denver's win on Sunday will hopefully kick off another year of Miami misery.

The Official Dave's World Doesn't Care About This Game of the Week: St. Louis at San Francisco.

COLLEGES

SO'N: Texas at Ohio State -- Did you hear that Texas won the Rose Bowl last year? Yeah, it serves as the basis for most of the nation to believe that This Is The Year Texas Finally Does It (No, Really, We Mean It This Time). The problem is, Texas always finds a way to wet the bed. It's usually against Oklahoma. It might still be against Oklahoma, but that will be the second time Mack Brown has to change the sheets as the Horns and Vince Young are going to get exposed this weekend. National titles are as much about scheduling as anything else. A game at The Shoe is no way to do it.

Dan: Villanova at Rutgers -- If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it does it make a sound? If it does, I'd imagine it's similar to the sound of this game. I predict both teams declare victory in the absence of witnesses to verify the fact.

LeFors: Notre Dame at Michigan -- C'mon, you expect me to pick against Charlie Weis in a big game after my Snow Bowl rant? I half-expect
Weis to sneak David Givens back into a Fighting Irish uniform for
Saturday's blockbuster. Plus, you just know Tom Brady will be on the
phone two minutes after the game if Weis loses to the Wolverines. But
let's get to the real issue here: They are playing at the Big House
and Notre Dame can't bring its band because the facilities cannot
accommodate them. To recap: Michigan Stadium capacity - 107,501;
Notre Dame band -- 380.

Scotty: South Carolina at Georgia -- I won't call The Ole Ball Coach "The Ole Ball Coach" if you won't talk about the Bulldogs attacking the 'Cocks, deal? The only thing I need explained to me for this game, which Georgia will win easily, is how Lou Holtz has been able to fade quietly into the sunset despite major violations under his shady reign in Columbia? The guy's Teflon coated. And what, you think he just started cheating when he went down south? He must have had five times the cheating budget in South Bend. Disgraceful. Put a damn asterisk next to his name!

Double D: Iowa at Iowa State -- You know, when I looked at the college slate for this week and decided which games were good slabs of red meat for the Dave's World Wolves, this game struck me as compelling for some reason. Now I can't remember why I felt that way. Oh well. I'm guessing this is the biggest event on the Iowa sporting calendar all year long. The Hawkeyes have won nine in a row; I-State struggled to beat a 1-AA team last week. Sounds like an upset waiting to happen. Iowa State rolls.

Scoreboard: College picks after week 1: O'Neal, Scott, Doyle 1-0; Forsberg 0-1.

Pertinent football links

Sheriff Sully has his own football thing going, which is especially recommended for those of you who wager a few bucks on football

Dave's World Football Thursday Week One

Eric Mirlis's The Writers' Weekly Picks, of which Dave's World is involved

Email

Catching up

2005-09-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

*So, Sheriff Sully has an interesting post up on his blog, which is linked down on the left. Now, I go back with the Sheriff to the days when he was barely a deputy, covering UMass Boston soccer for the school newspaper and getting into arguments with Randolph Charlotin on a near-daily basis. The Sheriff and I either totally agree on things or completely disagree, with no in-between. In fact, when we disagree on something, our emails back-and-forth tend to be more interesting than anything on either of our blogs. Maybe we should publish them some day.

But anyway, the Sheriff posted something yesterday with which I am in complete agreement, and have thought for years: The idea that Michael Jordan was a failure as a baseball player is ridiculous.

Think about it. Jordan had not played competitive baseball since high school. He was what, 30 at the time? And he picked up a bat and cracked .200 (.202, to be exact) playing baseball two steps below the major leagues. That is a phenomenal accomplishment and a testament to Jordan's incredible talents. And yet it got spun as an "embarrassment" because he couldn't make the bigs. What a load of crap.

*Quote of the day comes from New Mexico State football coach Hal Mumme, who is getting tired of playing superpowers for big paydays early in the season and is openly grousing about having to go play Colorado this weekend: "We tried to get the Patriots, but they didn't want to play."

*You had to figure that wiping out a season of hockey would mean an unceremonious retirement for an aging vet or two, and we got one today when Scott Stevens announced he's hanging up the skates. Stevens deserves to be remembered for what he was -- one of the most ferocious clean hitters in the history of the game. Stevens played hockey the way it was meant to be played.

*The Seattle Mariners now lead the majors in the steroid suspension category with two. Mike Morse got whacked, after Ryan Franklin got a time-out last month. And this is AFTER Bret Boone left town. Anyway, the fact the Mike Morses and Alex Sanchezes of the sports are coming up positive as much as the Rafael Palmeiros should be an indication of just how deep steroid use runs in MLB.

*Ya know, I was flipping through the channels and stumbled on Bob Ryan on Around the Horn, and he was standing in front of that generic picture of Boston that is used for just about all TV studio remotes -- the one that shows the Charles River and the Boston skyline on the other side. My quibble with this: If the person speaking was actually on that side of the river, they would be in Cambridge, not Boston.

*Last night's Red Sox win, with the David Ortiz game-winner, was the sort that if you're a kid and it is your first-ever trip to Fenway, you end up talking about it in weepy tones when you are middle aged. Interesting that for all the hand-wringing about the Red Sox pitching woes, they've locked down a string of clutch wins over the past week. Also interesting that for the Yankees, the answer to "Who's your daddy?" these days is "the Tampa Bay Devil Rays."

Anyway, I'm thinking of doing a Sox-Yankees running diary on Saturday, but that depends on Fox actually giving us the Sox-Yanks game in Seattle and not some subpar West Coast game with last-place teams. So we'll have to play it by ear.

*And of course, tomorrow marks Week Two of Dave's World Football Thursday.

Monday Night Musings

2005-09-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

*Some thoughts on the opening weekend of college football:

1. Best result of the weekend? Georgia 48, Boise State 13. Why is that the best result of the weekend? Since Boise was on the wrong end of a tail-kicking, we do not have to listen to three months of whining about how East Coast bias is the only thing holding the Broncos down this year. (You know, the same East Coast bias that has helped vote USC AP National champions two years in a row)(And it was East Coast bias that caused the U. of Washington to lose in the Sweet 16 despite getting a No. 1 seed)(Oh and, the same East Coast bias gives Gonzaga high seeds every year, even though the Zags have gotten past the Sweet 16 precisely once)(And ... well, you get the point). Now, when Boise goes on to beat San Jose State and Idaho and St. Colletta's, we don't have to listen to how a conspiracy is keeping them down.

2. On the other hand, the official Dave's World Western sleeper is Wyoming. Trust me on this.

3. TCU's upset of Oklahoma is both the best and the worst of what college football has to offer. Best, because the only other place in sports in which absolutely riveting upsets like these play out are in the early rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament, and they're every bit as dramatic on the gridiron. Bad, because, Oklahoma's season is basically screwed, and before Labor Day, at that. In hoops, if for some reason Clemson knocks off Duke in January, it doesn't kill Duke's national title hopes, or for that matter, that's how it works in any other sport, including Divisions 1-AA, 2, and 3 college football. True, OU can still theoretically rebound, especially given how the messed-up BCS system, but football just needs to get it over with and come up with a real playoff system already.

4. Can you imagine what it must have been like to sit there at Heinz Field as a Pitt fan and watch a Charlie Weis offense run roughshod over a Pittsburgh team, yet again? Probably not a pleasant night out. (Hey C ... that one's tailor made for you, pal. Just highlight it, right click "copy," then paste it into Microsoft Word.)

*So one day after I pick Carolina as Super Bowl champion up on the site, I get my Sports Illustrated in the mail and see they've picked Carolina as well. Uh-oh. Can I have a re-take?

*I'm seeing the Marlins coming out of the regular season as the N.L. wild card. Granted, I'm saying this with Florida coming off a pair of bad losses, but the Marlins are just a game off the pace. They seem to be just lurking in the weeds, the way they did in 2003. Either way, between now and the 18th they play six with the Phils and three with the Astros, so we'll have a pretty clear idea if they're a contender soon.

*Did I really hear that the owner of the Saints is looking at permanently relocating the team? Am I the only person really bothered by this? You're going to strip a city of a team it has pretty faithfully supported for decades because it got hit by a hurricane? I'm trying to remember fifth-grade social studies here -- would this make him a carpetbagger or a scalawag?

*I am not the only person in America who watches Mexican wrestling. There are at least two. An emailer who asked not to be named checked in to point out that the CMLL shows that air on Galavision are five months old, and thus Averno and Mephisto won the tag belts five months ago. Well, it is new to me, and I don't speak the language, so I am going to continue to report on whatever the tee-vee gives me as though it is happening live.

*Linda Cohn is getting all misty-eyed over Open Road. Sorry Linda, no one else is going to miss Open Road.

Dispatches from Iraq 6

2005-09-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

No big introduction today, I'll turn it right over to Matt -- Dave.

In just a few short days, God, or some higher power, or at the very least a lot of wind and water, wiped out a major United States city and much of the surrounding area.

I saw a quote today on MSNBC.com from someone named Yolando Sanders that read, "Any place is better than here. There are people dying over there."

In a way I think I can relate, sort of. I've had the same sentiments about my stint in Iraq at times.

But the truth is, I ultimately can't relate. I have a house to go back to after my year in the desert is done. I have a workplace, and my belongings. Although I've been in this rancid country for nearly a year, I've been able to retain my sense of "home," and it's that connection, that happy place, that brings me around when events over here begin to affect me. I still have my family and friends back home. In a few short days, that happy place, that sense of community, was taken away from hundreds of thousands of people.

Just like people all across the country have friends and acquaintances who have been affected by Katrina, so too do some of the soldiers deployed with me. One of my friends had his truck in Louisiana, and was lucky enough to have his family store it away where it wasn't affected by the torrent. My other buddy is planning on attending school down there after we return, and wonders what is going to happen to all the students who had just moved to the area to start their college year. He also wonders whether his school will be in session when he finally returns. Another friend had his entire family down there, and wasn't sure if they were safe for several days after the storm hit. Yet another soldier's whole family is from New Orleans' outlying areas, and didn't know whether they were safe until days after the storm hit.

My heart goes out to the victims of Katrina. The soldiers in Iraq have been through a lot, but I personally think what we've experienced is nothing compared to the life-altering events taking place in the Southeast right now. Catastrophes like the onslaught of Katrina puts things in perspective out in the desert. Every time we get hit by an IED, every time we hear about another soldier's death, and every time we find ourselves immersed in the squalor in which some of these Iraqi families have to survive, our relatively short-term plight doesn't seem so devastating. We're still alive. We're still going on with our lives. We're going home.

God Bless the victims of Katrina.

Matt
Somewhere in Iraq
04 September 2005

Dispatches from Iraq series links

Dispatches from Iraq 5

Dispatches from Iraq 4

Dispatches from Iraq 3

Dispatches from Iraq 2

Dispatches from Iraq 1

Dispatches from Iraq 5 feedback

Reader feedback to Dispatches from Iraq 4

Message from the mother-in-law of a fallen soldier

Click here
for news on the Stryker Brigade

Katrina coverage

2005-09-03T12:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the lack of a post yesterday. You know, for whatever reason it didn't really click with me just how bad things were in New Orleans until sometime on Thursday. Partly because I really don't watch much of anything besides sports on television; partly because I work from home so it isn't like I'm listening to what people are buzzing about in an office.

Either way, once it fully sunk in, I spent most of the afternoon Friday watching the news channels before I had to work.

I remember the image of a middle-age daughter watching her elderly mother with Alzheimer's slowly die on a cot outside the Superdome. And a nurse talking about how many heart attacks and asthma attacks were going untreated due to lack of supplies and how many children born within the week were malnourished because they ran out of supplies.

That a situation like this could happen in the United States is absolutely, completely unforgivable. Heads should roll for this.

I also remember, I think it was CNN, a host interviewing an oil industry expert of some sort. In West Seattle, the two gas stations on the corner where Alaska meets Fauntleroy went up 20 cents overnight despite the fact the Northwest gets exactly zero percent of its gas from Gulf Coast refineries. The host asked why the price went up and the expert mumbled something about oil futures. Then the host asked more specifically, if a gas station has gas delivered to its well on Saturday, and the storm hits on Sunday, does that gas sitting that has been sitting in the well cost the establishment any more money than it did on Saturday, and he hemmed and hawed and finally said "no." I give the guy credit for not flat-out lying, at least. It's been pretty encouraging watching TV and seeing reporters actually challenge politicians and analysts on their bulls-- for once.

*Anyway, that's about as much seriousness as I can handle for one day. It's Saturday morning. CMLL wrestling is on. Last week was just a star-studded affair -- for one, there was four hours of wrestling on instead of two. For another, we have a brand new CMLL champion, as Ultimo Guerrero rallied from one fall down to take the last two falls and defeat L.A. Park and win the belt. L.A. Park used to be called La Parka in WCW, but lost some sort of copyright lawsuit in Mexico with his former promoter and changed his name to L.A. Park, even though he still wears the exact same costume, which is a basically human skeletal system, including a skull for a mask. I'm serious. For the entire show this morning, they've been pushing the main event of the CMLL tag team title match with veterans Atlantis and Blue Panther (yes, Blue Panther, in English, not Pantera Azul) defending against young punks Averno and Mephisto. Now, two weeks ago, Atlantis injured himself doing a headfirst dive outside the ring -- they showed the slo-mo over and over again and even used a telestrator so you could see for damn sure he hit the floor head-and-neck first -- so it would seem the champs are at a disadvantage.

(Late edit -- brand-new tag teams champions in Averno and Mephisto. This has been a momentus couple weeks in Mexican wrestling.)

*First Saturday of college football. The one thing I never got used to living on the West Coast is football in the morning. Baseball at 4 pm instead of 7 is no problem, but 9 a.m. is just too early for football. I'm also that one guy who will watch a game like, say, Holy Cross and Lehigh on Comcast 8, but there's no equivalent on DirecTV that I've discovered yet. … OK, flipping through the channels, wow, they really didn't think through those new helmets at Wisconsin, did they? You've GOT to see these things. They are so low-budget looking. It looks like someone taped a W on the front and back with duct tape. … And hey, whaddyaknow? Rutgers' 27-7 lead over Illinois is gone and it is now 27-27.

(Late edit -- Rutgers lost in overtime. You surprised?)

*Back tomorrow with a new Dispatches from Iraq piece.

Football Thursday

2005-09-01T01:28:00.000-07:00

Each week this fall, the Dave's World Wiseguys will predict winners in every NFL game and a handful of key college football matchups (which is why we're starting today, as college action kicks off on Thursday) and tell you why.

Who is this illustrious crew? A look at our panelists:

Shawn O'Neal. Presently the senior editor for the Lindy's College Basketball and Football Annual magazines. Formerly college hoops editor for Sportsline.com. Remembered at Sportsline for once proclaiming "The Dallas Burn … that sounds like a venereal disease."

Dave Scott. Freelance writer and author of Scott's Shots (linked on the left), a weekly compendium of goings-on in the New England sports media industry. General troublemaker.

Chris Forsberg. Sportswriter for the Fitchburg (MA) Sentinel and freelancer for anyone whose checks don't bounce. A lottery pick waiting in the green room.

And of course, yours truly. Any number of adjectives would fit here.

Starting next week, we'll also have rotating weekly guest panelists on board.

Off to the races ...

NFL 2005 Predictions

None of this "who will win the AFC South/NFC North" etc. stuff. Panelists were asked three pertinent questions.

1. Who will be the surprise team of 2005?

SO'N: Detroit. This team has too damn much offensive talent not to figure it out soon. Joey Harrington hasn't done it yet, but he's a legitimate good guy and the fact that Tony Siragusa doesn't like him makes me love him. He's simply not nearly as bad as everybody has made him out to be. He gets knocked because he's an intellectual in a league that values stupidity: see Siragusa, Bradshaw, Irvin, et al. The Lions got better on the offensive front and can't help but be better on defense. They're also in a division with no clear big dog as Green Bay simply isn't a team to fear in any real way.

Dave S.: Cleveland. We like defense. We like Belichick guys. We like Romeo Crennel. And if they double last year's win output (4), they will be on the verge of the playoffs.

Forsberg: Detroit. They might lose 10 games this season, but eventually they're going to turn the corner (with or without Harrington calling the signals). Even Harrington shouldn't mess things up with an
offense loaded with so much talent. The Lions start with
a rough opening stretch, but have the potential to catch fire and
make the playoffs in a soft NFC. I mean, this is the same NFC where
people are excited about the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals!?

Dave D.: Houston. OK, the Texans have done nothing in the preseason to justify this pick, but this is a team with a decent defense that has gone from one win to four to seven in the past three seasons. They added a run game last year; if David Carr can put it together, Houston will sneak into a wild-card spot.

2. Who will win the Dave's World Peyton Manning Award for the player who will get pumped up the most in the media without ever winning anything big:

SO'N: J.P. Losman, Buffalo. I'm not a big Peyton Manning guy, but how is this award not named after Terrell Owens? As for Losman, I admit that this pick could make me look stupid. I know this because every time a scout finishes speaking of him they immediately light a cigarette. Ever since he was drafted everybody has talked about the guy in reverent tones … most notably Losman himself. He could be great, but I'm just looking forward to the guy sinking or swimming so the talk can be justified or everybody can shut the hell up.

Dave S.: Terrell Owens, Philadelphia. Hands down, already awarded to Terrell Owens. The overkill of pre-season is enough to put him ahead as the front runner for the next three years as well. The only thing that can potentially compare would be if the Moss Man sparks a fatty on the sideline.

Forsberg: Trent Green, Kansas City. Green is already a poor man's version of Manning. He's got an elite running back to keep opposing defenses honest and a serviceable set of receivers. His numbers for 2004 weren't half-bad, either. Green completed 66.4 percent of his passes for 4,591 yards with 27 touchdowns and 17 INT. This despite throwing zero touchdowns in four of his team's first 12 games of the season, then throwing 12 TD passes over the final five contests (four wins and a one-touchdown loss at San Diego to close out the year). Alas, you remember that K.C. had the No. 31 defense (sound familiar, Indy?) and the Chiefs
never allowed fewer than 17 points, so Green was typically forced to
heave the ball around as the Chiefs played catch-up.

Dave D.: Peyton Manning. OK, based on the feedback from the rest of the panel, I guess I should have named this the Terrell Owens Award. But, you know what? It's my blog, and I just ignored all the T.O. talk all summer. Now, few things in football get under my skin more than the non-stop "THIS IS PEYTON MANNING'S YEAR!!!! (No, really, we mean it this time!!!!) hype on all the TV shows. It will happen again ... and will finish the same way, with Peyton spitting the bit when it is all on the line. So the award stays the Peyton Manning Award, and my winner is ... Peyton Manning.

3. Who wins and who loses the Super Bowl, and why?

Forsberg: Baltimore Ravens over Minnesota. Forget the obvious losses on the sidelines and at linebacker, the Patriots loaded up on depth this season and it's hard to imagine them taking much of a step back. Remember, this team won a Super Bowl with wide receiver Troy Brown at nickel corner. Now they've got Duane Starks, a former Pro Bowler to fill that spot. Think about it.

But the Pats are too easy of a pick, so we envision the Ravens
toppling the Vikings in a very purple Super Bowl. The Ravens, you
ask? Jamal Lewis spent his summer vacation confined in a halfway
house lifting weights for approximately 12 hours a day. This is the
same guy who, before being incarcerated, rushed for 2,066 yards and
14 TDs in 2003. I'd be surprised if Kyle Boller throws a single pass
this season.

Dave S.: Oakland over Detroit. The Raiders win the Super Bowl, running off 15 straight in the regular season and three in the post-season, after next Thursday night's Foxboro loss in front of Al, John and Carlos Santana.

"Oye Como Va" becomes the Raiders? theme song after the loss and they begin incorporating that voodoo you do into each game plan and roll form there. Randy Moss scores four touchdowns in a 42-10 win over hometown fave, Detroit in the big one, Super Bowl XL.

(Post-script: With Disney having abandoned the "I'm Going to Disney post-game spot, the Jamaican Board of Tourism fills the void and prompts Moss to say "I'm going to Jamaica. Mon." What, I can't make two pot jokes in one entry? I'm trying to get a gig with High Times.)

SO'N: New England over Dallas. Nobody has ever called me boring. I'd sooner kiss Mike Holmgren on the lips than pick Duke or North Carolina to win the NCAA Tournament. It takes no thought and nobody gets to brag that they picked Duke to win it all. Nobody has ever called me knowledgeable, either. What I know about the NFL can fit into Onterrio Smith's whizzinator and I'm betting the other guys in this thing can actually pronounce Chike Okeafor. Thus, I'll play it safe and pick the Pats. This organization has figured it out. They've taken the rule that gave us the Super Bowl Champion Baltimore Ravens, turned it inside-out and now exist on a different plane than everybody else. Their continuity, cool and experience make all the difference. It's not a fun pick, but it's the right one.

I'll always root for the best story and, boy would it be fun to see a Pats-Pokes Super Bowl. First off, give me two weeks of pre-game Parcells quotes and I'm a happy guy. But Parcells and my man Drew Bledsoe standing in the way of a Patriots three-peat? That's a ride I want to take.

Dave D.: Carolina over New England. The 12 people who still follow hockey might recall the 1986 Smythe Division Finals between Edmonton and Calgary. Edmonton was the two-time defending Stanley Cup champions; Calgary was constantly nipping at the Oilers' heels. The Flames finally caught them in 1986 winning Game 7 by a goal. It didn't mean Edmonton was through by a longshot -- the Oilers rebounded and won three more Cups before their run was done.

I see the Patriots as being similar to Edmonton. The Panthers gave the Pats the game of their lives in Houston, and last year were thrown off with a ton of injuries before rallying big in the second half of the season. Pats-Panthers II will be every bit the slugfest as the first, but the Panthers will come out on top this time. But that doesn't mean New England's day is done.

Week One College Picks
(winners in bold)

Boise State at Georgia, Saturday
SO'N: Boise State shares a marketing slogan with ESPN U -- Never Graduate. That's not a dig at coach Dan Hawkins or his program. The guy's no Bob Huggins. He's one of the nation's brightest coaching minds and seems to run an ethical program. It's just that the admissions standards at BSU are a touch less stringent than that of the Columbia House Music Club.

But more to the point, many people are picking this game as an upset special in the first week of the college season. Those people should quit sniffing airplane glue.

Hawkins has built Boise State into a remarkable success story, but there is no reason to expect a win in Athens. Their remarkable four-year run of 45-5 has been built largely against your momma and that kid in your kindergarten class who ate paste. Four wins against Idaho. Four wins against Tulsa. Four wins against San Jose State. Four wins against Nevada-Casino. Meanwhile, seven games against BCS-conference teams have resulted in a 2-5 record, the wins coming against Oregon State and Iowa State, and both of those were on the blue turf in Boise, where the crowd is almost literally on the field.

The Broncos are not a bad team, they're just not good enough to win at Georgia. The Dawgs traditionally get off to slow starts, so this one will be close at halftime -- 17-7, perhaps. The Bulldogs are too deep, too physical and too good for the Broncos and will eventually pull away and win with ease.

Boston College at Brigham Young, Saturday
Forsberg: Every time I hear the name of Boston College quarterback Quinton Porter it reminds me of former Boston Globe intern named Quentin Bowler. Quentin was this gravelly-voiced soft talker from Atlanta who looked a bit like singer Damien Rice and played a perpetual game of devil's advocate. I don't think Quentin ever started a sentence without saying, "Nah man," before putting you and your opinion in its place.

For instance, I would pick BC to win this game, riding the back of
local product L.V. Whitworth, but then Quentin would say, "Nah man, never bet against a bunch of college Mormons. They're all angry from that no alcohol, no cigarettes, no sex thing."

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh, Saturday
Dave D.: You know, the logical part of my brain understands that Pittsburgh came on strong last year and snuck off the Big East's BCS berth; that the Panthers bring a bunch of talent back from that team; that Notre Dame was basically falling apart; and that Charlie Weis was getting ready for a Super Bowl during a key recruiting period.

Still, though … Charlie Weis vs. Dave Wannstedt. C'mon. Anyone who has seen a typical Pats-Dolphins game the past several years knows how this one turns out.

Miami at Florida State, Monday
Dave S.: College football kicks off in earnest with its own, Adam Sandler-less remake of "The Longest Yard." Here, for a Labor Day Monday night audience, the Cons play the Cons and all that goodwill showered throughout the day on the Jerry Lewis Telethon will be forgotten as quickly as you can say Tomahawk Chop.

Call us sentimental -- and while you're at it, call us a cab for each night of the holiday weekend -- but we're going with the great-great-grandfatherly Coach Bowden over the grandfatherly Coach Coker.

Wednesday stuff

2005-08-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

*Read about how the Maryland-Navy football game this weekend is being played at M & T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, home of the Ravens. I've never banked at M & T Bank, and don't live anywhere near an M & T bank, but I do know if I was looking for a bank, I'd be hesitant to place my money in an institution that sort of phonetically sounds like "Empty Bank." That's all.

*Mark Bellhorn as a Yankee. If I was a Yankees fan, I'd hate that. Can you imagine if Bucky Dent suited up for the Red Sox in 1979? Bellhorn got off easy in Boston -- whenever he'd strike out for the ninth time in any particular game, you could sense the crowd at Fenway wanting to get nasty, then collectively remember his string of clutch hits last October, so all but the biggest yahoos would clam up.

*So if I have studied my Red Sox-Devil Rays history well, and I've already amply demonstrated I know too much about the D-Rays for my own good, then the following scenario should play out either Wednesday or Thursday: Tampa spends the entire day throwing at the Red Sox, hitting about three of them; the Sox finally snap sometime around the sixth inning and do something like have Chad Bradford hit Julio Lugo in the calf with an off-speed pitch; the benches empty; nine Sox and two Rays get ejected; then a week later former longtime Yankee Bob Watson suspends 13 Sox for a total of 76 games and fines Lou Piniella $500.

*Mariners-Yankees on ESPN 2 tonight, Felix Hernandez vs. Randy Johnson. If you don't stay up at least to catch the start of the game (10 pm Eastern) without a compelling reason, you permanently get your right to call yourself a baseball fan revoked.

*Yesterday's Chile's Corner, on what and what not to do in the gym, hit a home run, drawing about 3,000 page views, most in the history of the site except for days when I've posted new Dispatches from Iraq pieces from my friend Matt. Apparently Chile's not the only one that wants to see people show a little more consideration in the gym, as the following readers attest:

Reader Tony writes: Chile is right on about the naked shaving guy. What is up with that? These locker room exhibitionists should be thrown out. It is particularly disturbing when a small group of them get together around the sink, each seemingly trying to out do each other with the inappropriate poses. Take it somewhere private, buddy.

Marnie in Southern California writes: Thank you very much! I have been considering joining the new LA Fitness in my neighborhood, as my gym closed. You have given me reason to pause and see if I truly wish to sweat amongst the people. I may just keep walking the neighborhood! Women go through a little of this in the locker room too. Usually if they feel the need to show off their surgeon's work!

*Tommorow marks the debut of Dave's World Football Thursday, featuring The Wiseguys: Shawn O'Neal, Dave Scott and Chris Forsberg. We won't tell you exactly what we're doing just yet, but, well, just take my word for this, and I am being completely modest here: This will be the single biggest thing, ever, in the history of the world. Well, OK, I exaggerate. Bloggers can be quite self-impressed sometimes. But tune in anyway.

Chile's Corner

2005-08-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

KEEP YOUR STUFF OFF THE SINK

by Chile Hidalgo

So I walked into my gym's locker room the other day and was greeted with the sight of an older gentleman shaving in the nude, his manhood propped up over the edge of the sink.

It was not clear whether this positioning was intentional, but it was immediately clear to me that I often touched the area of the sink where his manhood rested with one of my hands when doing more normal things than shaving naked with my stuff on the sink.

This deeply distressed me.

Even if it were not for the manhood-resting-on-the-sink issue, who
decides it's a good idea to shave in the locker room while naked? Is it
really that much of an effort to wrap a towel around one's waist? I
understand that people go to locker rooms to shower and change, activities that require nudity, but there should be a rule that requires people to move through the process as inconspicuously and quickly as possible.

I don't need everyone to be like the guy who wears his shorts all over the locker room, including into the shower, and puts on his clean underwear while still wearing his towel. I appreciate the consideration, but I'm willing to accept incidental nudity. It's the prolonged parading around in the buff for no apparent reason other than to make everyone lose their lunch that bothers me.

Not that people shouldn't use the gym locker room. The people who for some reason feel compelled to not use it and carry their bags around with them everywhere they go are weird. Even if one isn't going to change, doesn't it seem odd that one would choose to walk around carrying an assortment of bags and jackets when there are spacious lockers into which one could drop all that stuff? This one member at my gym refuses to use the locker room, so she has a bag with a spare shirt, socks, sweatshirt, keys, and so on with her. She also carries around a 2-liter bottle of diet orange soda. I haven't been able to determine if the person goes through one 2-liter bottle each visit or instead carries the same one around for a week. The 2-liter bottle of orange soda does not impact my workout in any way, but it deeply distresses me. There should be rules about these sorts of things.

While we're on the topic, there are a ton of other rules I'd like to
see at gyms. For example, it should be prohibited for people to sing
while on the cardio machines. I was on an elliptical the other day
alongside a woman who was singing that Alanis Morissette "Ironic" song, except she was out of breath and could only sing every second or third line.

You know what makes a crappy 10-year-old pop song really special?
Hearing a rendition of every second or third line sang off-key emanating from the elliptical next to you.

Although I'll take Jagged Little Pill over loud grunting self-congratulating bench-pressing guy every time. That guy gets into all sorts of conversations with himself. "Come on, Dan, one more! One more!" he might yell. If he held a press conference to describe his weightlifting, he'd definitely talk about himself in the third person.

At least the grunting guys are trying. The people on cardio machines
who have the poor things set on level zero and are going about 40mph,
pedaling as fast as they can, bobbing excitedly in all directions,
and flinging sweat on everyone, seem to be under the illusion that they're getting the greatest workout of all time even though they're expending almost no effort. Dude, just crank it up to level one or two. I guarantee that you'll burn twice the calories in half the time and actually accomplish something.

I generally feel for people who smell especially bad while working out,
except for the ones who smell because they've worn the same gym clothes
for the last month and generally leave these clothes crumpled in a ball
under a bench in the locker room. It's especially awesome when one of
those persons starts passing gas. They think they're all discreet, but you always know who it was. I bet they're the same people who fart on a
crowded airplane.

As anywhere else, a little consideration goes a long way. There's no
need to fill up a 1-gallon jug to the very brim while a line of 8 persons forms. It's OK to fill it half way and come back later for the rest. Or use a regular, one serving bottle.

In the end, though, maybe all the wrath and disgust these people cause
me is for the better. It makes me forget that I'm paying for the
privilege of running in place for half an hour.

Previous Chile's Corner